


Too Late?

by Morgana_avalon



Category: The Sentinel (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-10
Updated: 2019-04-10
Packaged: 2020-01-11 01:14:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 54,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18419780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Morgana_avalon/pseuds/Morgana_avalon
Summary: Blair comes back from the dead, but finds nothing has changed between Jim and he. Hurt by the events of Sentinel too, he decides not to return to the loft. Simon offers him a place to stay and Blair accepts. Still recovering from his near-death experience he makes the best of being Simon's house guest. But during the night, dreams, nightmares and outer of body experiences scare the hell out of Blair, as he realizes that his near death experience set off his Shaman powers.





	1. Chapter 1

Too late? 

"Jim, I'm not coming back to the loft," Blair said resolved. During the flight back to Cascade he'd had enough time to make up his mind. It had to end here. He needed to regain an emotional distance to protect himself. He really needed to find out what he'd lost when he'd drowned in that fountain.

 

"What? Chief?" Jim's expression showed shocked surprise and sheer disbelief. He never expected Blair to make that particular decision and then tell him so casually. Briefly speechless, he locked eyes with Blair, silently asking for an explanation.

 

"I can't go back there, man," Blair stated, ignoring Simon and Megan's puzzled glances. "I'll just go back to my hotel room."

 

"Sandy?" Megan wasn't sure what to say, but she couldn't remain quiet. Yes, these last few days had been hard on them, all of them, but this announcement came unexpected. "Why would you want to do that?" Ever since she'd arrived in Cascade she'd sensed the close connection between the two men and she'd often wondered about the depth of the feelings involved. After finding out that Jim was a Sentinel she'd understood part of the relationship of Guide and Sentinel, but there was so much more to them!

 

"Jim packed my stuff, Megan. I was staying at a hotel anyway." Blair took a deep breath. No, no one could change his mind. He needed time to work through all the things that had happened since Alex Barnes had entered his life. Sierra Verde had been a roller coaster ride and he hadn't recovered from all events yet. He needed time; needed to look inside his soul.

 

"I'm sorry about that, chief," Jim apologized sincerely. "But I was only trying to make sure nothing bad would happen to you." He felt bad for failing his Guide, knowing he should have prevented Blair's death. If only he had been courageous enough to trust his friend! But he'd failed. Incapable of trusting his best friend he'd signed Blair's death sentence, leaving the way open for Alex to move in for the kill. //And she killed him...!//

 

The sudden realization hit hard. Alex had killed Blair. //And we haven't even discussed it yet.//He knew why he couldn't address it. His cowardice kept him back. He'd screwed up, screwed up big time and Blair had paid the prize.

 

Blair nodded his head, seeing the expression on Jim's face. No surprise there. Jim was keeping it all to himself, not allowing him in. That was one reason why he had to go, one reason why he had to maintain the coerced distance between them. Jim had to make the first step and all Blair could do was wait. "I know you're sorry, Jim, but there's no going back." Both past and present were filled with pain and he couldn't go back to the way things had been before. Something had changed.

 

"Chief, the loft is your home too." Jim cringed mentally. //Was his home. I took that away from him,// he realized, reading the truth in Blair's eyes. //Damn!//

 

Blair shook his head. "I'll be around at the station," he promised. "Don't worry, Jim. I'll be there when you need me." But the unspoken truth circled in his mind. //You don't need me any longer, big guy.// He didn't know exactly what had happened at the temple, but his instincts told him that they'd reached a point where they needed to go their own way.

 

Jim's mouth went dry. The resolve in Blair's eyes was hard, unwavering. "Damnit, Chief! I don't want you to take off like that! I shouldn't have kicked you out of the loft, but..." his voice faltered as Blair locked eyes with him.

 

"No, Jim. Don't go there." Blair grabbed his backpack, ready to get a cab and head for the hotel. He needed undisturbed sleep, needed to think.

 

"Sandburg?" Simon finally took charge, unsure what was really happening underneath the surface of the conversation. "You can stay at my place. I've got a spare room," he offered, carefully choosing his words. If he was reading Blair correctly the young man would decline any direct orders. Better to offer the room to him so Blair could make the decision.

 

Blair blinked his eyes. "You're sure? I'm terribly messy, ask Jim." This offer was unexpected, but he was tempted to accept. He didn't really want to spend the next days in a hotel and he needed a friend.

 

Simon waved the comment away. "Let's get our things."

 

Paralysed, Jim listened to the conversation. This couldn't be happening! Blair couldn't leave him like this! Sure, he'd made a mistake by not confiding in Blair about the vision in which he killed his Guide, but Sandburg was overreacting! "Come on, Chief! You don't want to stay with Simon!" Unexpectedly, he felt Megan's hand on his shoulder and he turned to look at her.

 

"Give him time, Jim. He just died and then realized that Alex and you were attracted to each other. Don't you understand that he needs time?"

 

"No, I don't," Jim whispered upset, watching Simon and Blair retrieve their luggage. //I never thought he would ever leave me! That he could leave me!// he realized stunned.

 

Megan sighed deeply. She agreed with Blair's decision, seeing the hurt in his eyes whenever he looked at Jim. //But Jim is blind... doesn't see the love in Sandy's eyes.// Somehow that hurt. "You heard his promise. He'll be there when you need him."

 

"I can't believe this!" Jim exclaimed in anger as Simon walked up to him. Blair however already headed for the exit. "What the hell is going on in that head of his?" Why was Blair acting like this? He'd used his animal spirit to bring his Guide back and had then fought Alex Barnes! It didn't matter from which angle he looked at this; it didn't make sense!

 

"I'll keep my eye on him, Jim," Simon said reassuringly and squeezed his detective's shoulder. "He's been through a lot, Jim."

 

//Everybody keeps saying that!// Jim mused upset. //But he's alive, the nerve gas is safe and Alex can't hurt him any longer!// He'd fixed everything, so why did need Blair time? Blair had been just fine when he'd visited his friend in the hospital after bringing him back.

 

Waiting near the exit Blair shuffled his feet. He really didn't want to do this, but didn't have a choice. For the last three years he'd put Jim's needs first. He could no longer do that. First, Jim had told him to pack his things, kicking him out and a few days later he'd seen Alex and Jim kiss on the beach. //Wonder if they would have gone all the way if I hadn't shown up,// he mused saddened.

 

It pained him that Jim had chosen Alex and not him, but he had to respect that decision. However, it did mean that he had to move on. Oh yes, he planned on riding along with the Sentinel, be there during stakeouts or when there was a chance Jim might zone, but he needed to start thinking about his own needs too. He'd neglected them these last three years, during which he'd kept hoping that Jim might feel attracted to him as well. //Not going to happen.//

 

"Ready to go, Sandburg?" Worried, Simon eyed him closely. Damn, the kid didn't look too good. "Did you check yourself out of that hospital or did they actually release you?" he suddenly wondered. Wasn't it strange that they would sign Blair's papers only one day after being brought back from the dead?

 

Blair avoided answering him and ducked into the cab that had just pulled up. Simon joined him on the back seat and Blair wondered if there was still a way out of answering the question.

 

"I'm waiting, Sandburg," Simon reminded him, forcing himself to remain calm. Yelling at the kid wouldn't get him anywhere.

 

"I'm okay, Simon," he said evasively. He didn't plan on telling Banks that he'd sneaked out of the hospital, telling Megan his doctor had released him. At that point he'd still hoped that Jim would need him, would listen to him, would see the truth. //A blind Sentinel,// he sighed privately. //Not now,// he chided himself. He couldn't think of this now.

 

"So, why don't you want to go back to the loft, Sandburg?" Simon inquired after giving the cab driver his instructions. Blair's decision surprised him. "Jim..."

 

"Simon? Give me a break?" Blair fought to keep the angry tone out of his voice. "I'm tired and edgy."

 

"Yes, I imagine you're still upset. Dying does that to a man." Simon watched him closely, noticing the twitch near the right corner of Blair's mouth. //Kid will have to talk about this. Didn't Jim and Blair discuss it?// That struck him as odd. Jim seemed the most logical choice for Blair to talk to about his near death experience, but something kept Blair back. What was it?

 

Stubbornly, Blair stared out of the window. He didn't want to think about Jim. It hurt too much!

 

"All right, kid. We'll give you all the time you need," Simon whispered barely audible.

 

///

 

Sitting on the couch in his living room, Jim could hardly remember driving home. For some reason he had been convinced that Blair would be at his side again, roaming the kitchen, surfing the net and leaving wet towels on the bathroom floor. But he was alone now.

 

Jim swallowed his beer and stared at the TV screen. There was a game on, but he couldn't focus on the players. He was still angry with Blair for walking out on him like that.

 

"And he's supposed to be my Guide?" he sneered in a pained tone. "Damn! I even brought him back!" Why was he this angry?

 

Because Blair had upset his plans? He'd planned on explaining to Blair why he'd packed his stuff and asked him to leave, but now the words had to remain unspoken. Telling Blair to leave had been the last thing he'd wanted, but he couldn't endanger his Guide by telling Blair about his vision. Pushing him away had been the only way to keep him safe.

 

//Hoped that he would be safe if I wasn't around. Man, was I wrong!// Alex only got a chance to kill Blair because he'd kicked his friend out!

 

The nature of his anger changed and he aimed it at himself. Why couldn't he trust people?

 

//Because they leave or die...// Trusting people had never been easy, growing up in the Ellison household had ensured that. His relationship with his dad and brother was still difficult and he didn't even want to think about his mother.

 

//But I trust Blair! So why didn't I tell him about that vision? Why didn't I tell him that I was afraid I would kill him?// Because he was a coward, that was why! It was easier to push people away when you feared for their lives. And Blair... Blair had quickly become the most important person in his life. More important than his work? Yes. More important than his own life?

 

"Fuck yes!" Agitated, he got to his feet and paced the living room, but suddenly he froze. Damn... no heartbeat. Instinctively, he wanted to dial up his sense of hearing, but he knew it would be futile. Blair wasn't even close!

 

How he missed that heartbeat! The sound of Blair's voice... the little noises Blair made while chewing a pencil when he surfed the net...

 

His hands clenched into fists. Damn! The man had only been gone for a few hours and he already felt like a caged tiger... "Jaguar," he corrected himself chidingly.

 

Slowly, he made his way to Blair's old room and realized that his Guide still needed to pick up a few boxes. Almost reverently, he made his way over to them, opened one box and released a deep sigh. His fingers curled in the flannel shirt and he brought it closer to his nose, inhaling the craved scent.

 

Suddenly, he dropped it, pulling back like the fabric had burned his fingers. What the hell was he doing sniffing Blair's clothes?

 

He turned around and slammed the door hard. Blair had made the decision to walk out on him and he needed to readjust his life. He would find a way to live without having his best friend close.

 

///

 

"Thanks, Simon." Blair smiled weakly, as he took in his temporary quarters. "Looks great." It even had its own bathroom. "I appreciate it."

 

After removing his glasses Simon rubbed the bridge of his nose and shook his head. "I don't know why you don't want to go back to the loft, but... I respect that. Just try and get some sleep, kid." He'd noticed that Blair hadn't slept much during their nights in Sierra Verde. First in the church and then he'd heard the younger man pacing his room in the hotel. It was almost like Sandburg was afraid to go to sleep. //Well, don't know how I would feel about going to sleep after been dead. Maybe it feels the same.//

 

"I'll try, Simon,' Blair promised sincerely, wondering if the captain was on to him. As he closed the door he looked up apologetically. He didn't want to talk right now. What he wanted was a hot shower and then to sit down to write in his journal, which he'd neglected these last few days. And maybe then, just maybe, he would try to sleep.

 

Simon stared at the closed door, knowing something was wrong, but he couldn't name the feeling. //Must have something to do with that near death experience. Going through something like that would change anyone.//

 

Checking the time Simon wondered if he should drive down to the PD to find out what had happened during his absence. In the end, he decided against it. They weren't expecting him until tomorrow and he could use a good night's sleep as well. As he headed for his bedroom, he looked back over his shoulder, wondering what the hell was going on in Blair Sandburg's mind.

 

///

 

Exhausted, Blair dropped onto the bed and shivered. He was finally alone and could stop pretending he was fine. Closing his eyes he remembered the look on Jim's face when he'd announced he wasn't going back home with him. That had been hard, but necessary.

 

//Can't walk in there right now, knowing Jim doesn't really want me around. He packed my stuff and told me to be gone when he got back.//

 

He rubbed his eyes and lay down on his back, refusing to open them to stare at the ceiling. This darkness was way more comforting. How had he ended up in his mess? When had things gone wrong?

 

He allowed his thoughts to drift back, mentally reviewing this past week. It had gone wrong when Alex had showed up. He regretted ever addressing her, ever trying to find out whether she was a Sentinel or not. Jim had been right. He'd gotten them into this mess by hiding the fact that there was a second Sentinel. If only he had told Jim. But he hadn't.

 

//And now I'm paying the prize.// But, and this soothed him, Jim was safe. Safe at the loft. And wasn't that all that mattered? Wasn't it his job as a Guide to watch over his Sentinel?

 

"Guide..." he muttered, voice filled with loathing. "I can't guide him." Another thought stung. Jim had had all these visions. Even Incacha had appeared to him, telling Jim how to bring his Guide back from the dead. "Am I not supposed to be the Shaman? Yeah right. I'll never be one!"

 

During his time with Jim as his Guide he'd always hoped that he would discover things about himself. Hadn't Incacha passed the way of the Shaman onto him? If that was true, why didn't he feel it? He had done some reading on Shamanism, but he'd never felt anything that came close to the experiences of Shamans he had read about on the net.

 

He felt like a fraud. Yes, he had been a Guide, but what was he now? He desperately needed the answer to that question. Sitting up, he pulled the journal from his backpack and started writing.

 

#Saturday, August 12th.

 

I did it. I told Jim I wasn't going back to the loft. Honestly, I don't think he expected that. He looked like he'd been run over by a truck. It's unbelievable, but after all these years he still hasn't figured it out. I mean, even Megan knows! I can see it in her eyes when she looks at Jim and me. So, why can't Jim see that I'm in love with him? Maybe he knows and is determined not to acknowledge it?

 

Doesn't matter anymore. I made my decision and walked away from him. I never thought I would have the courage to actually do that, but Alex opened my eyes. Let's face it, Jim doesn't need me and certainly doesn't want me close.

 

After I regained consciousness in the hospital I felt hopeful. If Jim had given me the tiniest chance I would have told him the truth... that I've been in love with him for three years.

 

But I can never tell him. Not after Alex. It doesn't matter why he wanted her, whether it was a primitive sexual urge or something else. He wanted the woman who killed me. I still can't believe how easily he forgot what she did to me.

 

Did Jim kick me out of the loft because he had feelings for her right from the start? Okay, he didn't know I was studying a second Sentinel, but maybe his subconscious was clearing the way so they could be together.

 

I still see them kissing on the beach and yes, I know that they would have taken it further if I hadn't shown up.

 

Damn, I need to stop whining about this and get my life back on track. But it's hard. For the first time in my life it felt like I'd found a home, a real home. With Jim there was stability, certainty and now I have to start all over again on my own.

 

I hate being alone and... I'm scared to go to sleep. I'm scared that the nightmares will be back the moment I close my eyes.#

 

Blair closed the journal, feeling depressed and lonely. Normally, he would watch a game with Jim, have a beer and talk about the day's events. Now, he sat here in a strange room, hugging his journal.

 

Maybe refusing to return to the loft had been stupid. At least that way he would have been close to Jim, but that was no longer enough. He wanted commitment, wanted the man as his lover and now that it had become clear that he couldn't have Jim Ellison, he had to move on. It was as simple as that... so why did it still hurt?

 

Not bothering to undress he slipped beneath the covers, feeling cold to the bone. "Can't close my eyes. Can't go to sleep," he whispered, repeating the words over and over again.

 

"Can't go to sleep." His dreams already waited for him. He would relive seeing Alex walk into his room, knocking him unconscious. He'd never realized she'd dragged him in to the fountain until the paramedics had told him what had happened.

 

"She tried to drown me," he whispered, then corrected himself. "No, she drowned me" The paramedics had told him that he had been clinically dead for at least 6 minutes and the doctor had obviously been relieved to see that the lack of oxygen hadn't affected his brain.

 

"And yet he brought me back... why?" Yes, why had Jim brought him back? Saddened, he curled up into a tight ball. Jim and Simon had gone to Sierra Verde without him and only Megan's curiosity had given him a chance to join the two men there.

 

"It hurts," he whispered saddened. Jim had abandoned him and that hurt. "I betrayed his trust? What about him?" he wondered aloud. "I didn't try to kill Alex! She killed me and he still wanted her!" It was the core of his sadness, even anger. He felt betrayed.

 

"Don't want to sleep," he whispered the words like a mantra but lost the fight. His body was exhausted and demanded he rest. As his eyes dropped shut, he buried his fingernails in the covers, desperately imagining it was Jim's shirt. Hoping desperately that it was Jim who was holding him, telling him that everything would be all right. That the Sentinel would watch over him during the night, but the rational part of his brain saw the lies and despair.

 

///

 

"What the hell?" Blair mumbled shocked and looked at his surroundings. "Not again!" He was back in the jungle and he almost expected a black jaguar to come running at him. But nothing happened. In the distance birds sang and monkeys screamed as they moved through the trees. The sun was suffocating.

 

"Okay..." Swallowing hard, he gave in to the heat and took off his sweater. "So does this mean that I'm dead again?" he wondered aloud. He shielded his eyes with his hand and explored the trail in front of him.

 

Suddenly, he saw smoke to his left, probably from a campfire and he decided to check on it. //Hey, look on the bright side. If I'm dead no one can harm me!//

 

He pushed some branches aside and walked on to a clearing. With a start he recognized the lone figure sitting close to the fire. "Incacha?" he whispered in disbelief. "Guess you got lost in the wrong dream," he said discouraged. "I'm not Jim."

 

The eyes opened and stared at him from behind the red paint, making Blair feel distinctly uncomfortable. "Uh," he started nervously, "better be heading back."

 

"Sit."

 

Incacha's voice took him by surprise and he halted in his tracks. Surprised, he looked over his shoulder. "Who? Me?" Was it his imagination or was Incacha grinning? //And why do I feel like I'm in big trouble?//

 

"Sit," Incacha repeated and gestured him to take a place next to him near the fire.

 

"You sure it's me you want to talk to?" Blair objected. "And not Jim?"

 

"Sit with me, Guide," Incacha ordered in a firm tone.

 

Sighing, Blair gave in and gingerly he sat down cross-legged. The fire emanated a pleasant warmth and he extended his hands to warm them.

 

"It took you a long time to decide what path to take."

 

Blair peeked at Incacha's eyes. "I have no idea what you're talking about. I don't want to be disrespectful, but..." he babbled, but Incacha's amused glance silenced him.

 

"Don't talk. Listen."

 

"Listen? Hey, I'm not a Sentinel, I don't hear..." His voice trailed off as Incacha chanted quietly. It was Chopec. He didn't know the words, so why did they feel familiar? The chant grew louder and it almost felt like another voice had joined Incacha's, but as he looked around he realized that they were still alone. This was seriously weird.

 

Sounds coming from a bush nearby alarmed him and he almost leaped to his feet. A large grey form appeared and slowly approached him. //It's the wolf from my vision,// the vision he'd shared with Jim. This was the wolf that had jumped towards the black jaguar, creating a big bang of light.

 

Uncertain of how to react he simply observed the canine that lay down at his feet. It watched him intensely in return. Briefly, his vision melted with the wolf's and he found himself looking at the two men near the fireplace.

 

"You're my spirit guide," Blair whispered and hesitantly raised a hand, wondering if he could touch the wolf. The canine allowed it and growled deeply in its throat as a gentle hand patted his head.

 

The chanting was inside his head now and he couldn't help it. His lips started to move. He didn't know the words, didn't know the language, but he found himself chanting in the same tone and rhythm as Incacha.

 

///

 

A low mumbling woke Simon in the midst of the night. He was a light sleeper and the cop in him urged him to check on it. Dressed in shirt and boxers he reached for his gun and sneaked through the corridor. Suddenly, he realized that the mumbling came from the guest room. "Sandburg." He put down the gun.

 

Should he knock? But what if the kid was having a nightmare and wouldn't let him in? Could he take that risk? Determinedly, he pushed the door ajar.

 

The kid was still dressed, tossing and turning on the bed. Simon tried to make sense of the whispered words, but he didn't understand the language.

 

Fascinated, he watched as Blair's eyes opened, staring at the ceiling and the mumbling died. Instead, Sandburg started to chant softly. It sounded like the same language, but Simon wasn't sure. It was an entrancing chant and he felt drawn closer. Better wake the kid up before this turned into a vivid nightmare!

 

"Sandburg!" he said resolved and approached the bed, but the younger man didn't seem to hear him and continued to chant. Carefully, he shook Blair's shoulders. "Sandburg, wake up!"

 

///

 

"No!" The scream left his lips and wild eyed he stared at Simon, who hovered over him.

 

"Looks like you had a nightmare, kid," Simon offered apologetically. "You were... talking in your sleep."

 

At first Blair felt confused. He hadn't been ready to leave Incacha's presence, but Simon's voice had ripped him away from the spirit plane. "I'm okay, Simon," he reassured his friend as he ran a hand through his tangled hair. "It wasn't a nightmare."

 

"Glad to hear that," Simon whispered, but wasn't satisfied yet. If the kid wanted to talk he should let Blair know that he would listen. "Were you dreaming about the fountain?"

 

Blair shook his head, impressed and touched by Simon's concern. He never expected the captain to worry about him. "No, about the jungle."

 

"You know, if you want to talk, Sandburg, I'm here... Daryl once told me I'm a good listener." Finally feeling reassured that everything was fine, he studied his guest. 

 

"Thanks for the offer, man. I'll keep it in mind... but I need to work through this myself first," Blair said softly. //And I have to figure out why I'm dreaming of Incacha all of a sudden. Wishful thinking perhaps? Maybe I want a vision so badly that my subconscious is supplying me with one?// That thought made him shudder.

 

"In that case I better get back to bed and try to get more sleep. I've got to get up early." Briefly, he paused. "You know, Sandburg... Please feel at home here... Get some breakfast in the morning..." Simon mentally made a note to contact the hospital tomorrow and find out if Blair had sneaked out. Maybe he should try to get the young man some counselling. Dying, and then coming back to life, couldn't be easy!

 

"Thanks," Blair averted his eyes, touched by Simon's genuine tone. "You're a good friend."

 

Simon grumbled at that and returned to his room, leaving Blair to his own thoughts.

 

Lying back down, he tried to stop the trembling racking his body. He'd controlled it pretty well while Simon had been in here, but now... "Am I losing my mind?" he whispered lost. "Jim's the one who has visions, not me... never me!"

 

And yet, he could still hear Incacha chant in his mind, anchoring him. Shivering, he curled up, hiding underneath the covers, afraid to fall asleep again.

 

///

 

Too late?

Part 2

 

On his way to his truck Jim sleepily rubbed his temples. He hadn't gotten any sleep last night, missing Blair's normally present heartbeat. Only now he realized how much he missed it, how much he used to focus his senses on it. Last night had been hell. He'd kept tossing and turning, trying to hone in on Blair's heartbeat or voice. But the loft had been terribly empty, almost dead.

 

He dropped onto the driver's seat and started the engine. He needed to stop thinking about Blair. Did he really need his Guide this badly? Another, more unpleasant question sneaked into his mind. Had he taken Blair for granted? Yesterday, when Blair and Simon had driven away, it had felt like part of his heart went missing, like Blair was taking it with him.

 

Damn. He wasn't this emotionally usually. Normally, he tried to keep his calm when dealing with his problems and didn't get emotional over them. But this was different.

 

As he drove through the streets, he missed Blair's voice telling him about his classes at Rainier. He missed Blair's babbling. That voice always calmed him, enabled him to concentrate and now it was gone.

 

"We need to talk, Chief," Jim whispered determinedly. "I need to know why you can't come back to the loft. It's your home too." The words came easy now, but could he speak them once he was face to face with Blair? Repression was his middle name and he was good at it. It stemmed from childhood, when it had been best to leave things unspoken. But if he wanted to restore their friendship he had to overcome that fear. He had to change. "I'm willing to try, Chief," he mumbled firmly.

 

///

 

Groggily, Blair opened his eyes and felt briefly disorientated. This wasn't his room at the loft! Suddenly his memories returned, hitting hard. "I really did it," he whispered resigned.

 

He stretched his body. Lazily, he enjoyed another minute in his warm bed. Last night had been remarkable. He still vividly remembered his dream, sitting at the campfire with Incacha, stroking the wolf's fur that had been resting at his feet. It'd been a mystical revelation.

 

"One my subconscious provided," he added saddened. He wasn't the one chosen to have visions, that was Jim. His subconscious was playing games with him.

 

Yawning sleepily, he pushed back the covers. He was still dressed. Man, these clothes were ripe! He definitely needed a shower. Good thing he had a spare outfit in his backpack.

 

He walked into the bathroom and got rid of his clothes. After a brief search he discovered some towels and then stepped under the warm shower beams. Yeah, this definitely felt good!

 

Mentally, he went over all the things he needed to take care of today. First, he had to phone the University to find out when he could get back to teaching his classes. Then, he should probably drive down to the PD to check on Jim. If his friend had to go on a stakeout tonight, he should be there in case Jim zoned.

 

"Come on, man," he chided himself, reaching for the shampoo he'd brought along from his backpack. "Jim no longer needs me." He was kidding himself. Better concentrate on his classes and dissertation. He did have a deadline, which he had to meet.

 

The shower refreshed him and after drying his skin he slipped into a new pair of clothes. "Still need to pick up those last few boxes," he remembered. Most of his clothes were inside those two boxes. The stuff he'd already moved from the loft was now in the basement of a friend.

 

He really dreaded returning to the loft to get his stuff. Hopefully, Jim had already left when he got there. "I better leave the keys behind," he whispered absentmindedly. That way Jim wouldn't feel like he could walk in there at any moment. Jim probably needed his privacy right now.

 

Hesitantly he headed to the kitchen, feeling like an intruder. He quickly realized he was alone. Simon had left early. Okay, the captain had told him to feel at home and eat breakfast, so he searched the cupboards and found some cereal, milk, bread and he made coffee to really wake up.

 

He felt awkward as he looked at the pictures of Daryl and Simon stuck onto the door of the refrigerator. "I need to find a place of my own." Maybe he could find a small apartment near the University. He added it to his list.

 

Sitting down he ate breakfast and devoured the coffee, black and hot, just as he liked it. He put everything in the sink with the things, which Simon had used earlier that morning and then got his coat and backpack. First stop was the University.

 

"Shit," he cursed softly. His Volvo was still at the loft and he had to pick it up first! "Change of plans," he muttered nervously. "Into the lion's den…"

 

///

 

Relieved, he noticed that Jim's truck was nowhere in sight and nervously he headed up the stairs. Better pick up those boxes first. That way he didn't have to come back later.

 

He rang the doorbell, just in case Jim was home after all, but no one answered. Slowly, he opened the door and stepped inside. "Just get your stuff and get the hell out of here!"

 

Distressed, he froze in the centre of the living room. Although all his stuff was gone, it still felt like home. The couch… the kitchen… every inch of this place held memories. "Don't get sentimental," he chided himself and headed for his room. Surprised, he found the boxes opened, one of his shirts on the floor.

 

Without giving it a second thought, he put it back into the box and lifted it. The longer he stayed here, the harder it would get. But he'd had some great times here. Blair drew in a deep breath. No use to dwell on the past.

 

As he walked into the living room again, a sense of deja vu overwhelmed him. This was where he'd stood when he'd realized that Jim had packed up all his things. He still remembered the disbelief coursing through him. Three years. He'd lived here three years and then Jim had decided to kick him out without even a warning? That had hurt.

 

"Still hurts," he confessed and tossed the keys into the small basket. It was time to get out of here.

 

///

 

Back in his Volvo he simply sat there, staring at the steering wheel. He'd just closed one chapter in his life and was about to start another. He'd done that many times before and he could do it again. It was no big deal. Naomi's 'free-spirited' life style had taught him to adapt and to be self-sufficient. He would find a place to live and make this work.

 

The angry ringing of his cell phone woke him from his musing. //Don't let it be Jim.// He couldn't possibly act casually right now, not after making that trip down memory lane when he'd walked into the loft. He steeled himself and then answered the phone.

 

"Sandburg? Where are you?"

 

Thank God, it was only Simon! "I just picked up the Volvo at the loft, why?"

 

"I left some files at home. Could you bring them when you come in later? You are coming down to the station, Sandburg?" Simon's voice revealed uncertainty. Sandburg's chanting worried him.

 

"Sure, I'll get them for you. No problem, man." Blair mentally made a note. "Got to drive to the University first. I can be at the station at… 16.00 hours. Is that okay?" Simon growled something and Blair smiled. Doubtlessly, Banks made his men very nervous now that the captain was back and in control.

 

"Just be there," Simon said relieved. Yes, he needed those files, but he also wanted to make sure Blair came to the station. Jim had been in a bad mood since he'd gotten in and maybe talking to Blair would help. He terminated the connection and studied his detective. Ellison's angry expression made him uneasy.

 

///

 

Things at Rainier wrapped up more quickly than he'd assumed and he drove to Simon's house to pick up the files at 15.00 hours. He carried the two boxes to his room, grateful that Simon had left a spare key on the kitchen table before the captain had left for work. Blair didn't bother to unpack, just put the boxes onto the floor and then went in search of the files. They were easily found. Simon had left them next to the phone in the hallway.

 

He mentally prepared himself to face Jim when he drove to the station. Would Jim be pissed, angry or didn't Jim care any longer why he'd left? That was the easiest way out and Jim would be tempted to grab it. Addressing personal and emotional matters wasn't Jim's style. Well, maybe Jim would just start to yell, who knew?

 

After parking his car he headed inside, wondering if Jim already was in a foul mood. His instincts warned him that this wouldn't be easy on both of them.

 

"Sandburg," Rafe greeted him, relieved to see the younger man healthy and alive. Finding Sandburg in the fountain and dragging him out would always be etched into his memory. Seconds had turned into minutes and Blair had still lain dead at his feet. Even the paramedics had given up on the kid. "You okay?"

 

"Thanks, Rafe, I'm fine," he replied with a smile, but flinched when his eyes locked with Jim's. //He's angry,// Blair realized, seeing the smouldering fire in those steel blue eyes. He braced himself and walked up to Jim's desk. "Simon asked for these files. Is he in his office?" Yeah, definitely sounded stupid, but he needed to say something that wouldn't sparkle Jim's anger.

 

"Yeah, walk on in," Jim growled between clenched teeth. He used every ounce of discipline not to leap up from his chair and touch Blair to convince himself his Guide was really here. He'd sensed Blair's heartbeat the moment the younger man had walked into the building, but had forced himself to remain seated. He wouldn't show his nervousness in front of Blair.

 

Mentally, Blair winced. //Come on, man. You can talk to me! I'm your friend, remember?// So why couldn't he speak those words? A barrier had appeared and kept them apart and that barrier had a name. It was Alex Barnes.

 

"You feeling okay, Chief?" Jim probed carefully. Inwardly, he screamed the words, craving the heartbeat this close, reluctant to let Blair leave again.

 

"Doing fine, big guy." Blair actually managed another smile. "Simon's cool about me staying at his place, but I better drop of these files now."

 

Jim watched him leave and with every step Blair took his heart grew heavier. Desperately, he clung to the heartbeat, which still sounded in his ears. He couldn't help but listen in on the conversation in Simon's office. Maybe he was just curious and he didn't want to admit it.

 

"Give me those files, Sandburg." Simon scowled and grabbed the papers. "I need them!"

 

"You're welcome, captain," Blair chuckled with a wicked grin. He was about to leave the office again, but Simon's question stopped him.

 

"Did you talk to Jim yet? I mean, really talk?"

 

"Simon, it's not that easy," Blair pointed out to him and peeked at Jim, who was staring at the office. Damn, Jim was listening in on their conversation! He should have known! "Does Jim have a stakeout tonight?"

 

"No, you won't have to drive along…" Simon whispered thoughtfully, suddenly realizing the same thing Blair had. "It's rude to eavesdrop, Ellison."

 

Jim jerked back, apparently focusing on his work again. Why wasn't he marching in there, demanding some time alone with Blair? Damn, he wasn't good at this emotional stuff! He dialed down his sense of hearing and concentrated on the report he was typing.

 

"You really should talk to him, Sandburg," Simon insisted. "I've never seen you this… distant." It surprised him that Blair was capable of maintaining this distance, knowing how much Sandburg cared for Jim.

 

"He doesn't see a problem, Simon." Blair turned around and shrugged his shoulders. "To Jim, everything is crystal clear. He brought me back, retrieved the nerve gas and stopped Alex."

 

"I don't believe that," Simon remarked firmly.

 

"Simon, she killed me and he wanted to make love to her… It's my problem that I can't deal with that." Blair slowly paced the office. "I think he loves her."

 

Resolved, Simon shook his head. Suddenly, he realized the real problem. "You feel betrayed."

 

"Of course I do," Blair whispered, "But he'll never see it that way." Simon looked at him expectedly, but Blair didn't know what to possibly add. "When he brought me back I hoped he realized Alex was no good for him. But when we got to Sierra Verde he got really territorial about her, wanted to protect her. I saw them kissing on the beach after I left the church."

 

"I didn't know that," Simon acknowledged. "But Jim cares deeply about you."

 

"As his Guide, maybe." Fatigued, Blair rubbed his brow. "But that changed as well. Face it, man. Jim is the one with visions. He doesn't need me. Name one moment he needed my guidance when we were in Sierra Verde. I don't know one."

 

The sad tone attracted Simon's attention and he hated hearing it. "Is that why you refused to go back to the loft?"

 

"Part of it," Blair admitted. "He packed my stuff and told me to get out. He doesn't want me there."

 

"He did that to keep you safe."

 

"But it doesn't work that way," Blair sighed annoyed. "If that's the real reason for making me leave it just shows that he doesn't trust me. He could have told me about the vision, could have warned me. I would have taken that warning seriously."

 

Simon realized he wasn't making any progress. The kid needed time to work through this. "You're going to help Jim type those reports? I need them this week."

 

"Sure, captain." Blair moved towards the door. "Would you like me to make dinner tonight? I want to do something in return for you letting me stay. I can even pay rent…"

 

Simon cut him short and got to his feet. "You're a friend, Blair. Don't worry about rent."

 

Hearing that admission made his heart thump. "Didn't know you cared, Simon." Man, it felt good to know someone cared, understood what he was going through instead of just ignoring it!

 

Simon stayed near his desk, feeing uncomfortable. "I might not say it often, but I think you're an asset to the team, Sandburg and…" Simon told himself that the kid needed to hear it. "I almost lost it when you died at the fountain."

 

"Thanks, man. Hearing that means a lot to me," Blair blushed weakly. It's more than Jim had ever admitted. "Sorry I scared you like that."

 

"Jim and I kept going. We didn't want to let you go, Sandburg. When the paramedics gave up… I'm glad you didn't see our faces. Megan was really upset too." Had someone told the kid how they had reacted when the paramedics had pronounced him dead?

 

"And Jim?" Blair's voice turned into a whisper.

 

"Sandburg, why don't you ask him that yourself?"

 

"He brought me back, didn't he?" Blair sighed, remembering their shared vision.

 

Simon forced himself not to tell Blair that Jim had lost it when it had become clear that Blair was dead. He'd pulled Jim away from Blair's corpse trying to get through to his detective to tell him Blair was dead. He would never forget the terror in Jim's eyes.

 

Blair peeked at Jim's desk and found it empty. "When I woke up in the hospital I wanted to tell him everything, Simon, but when he walked in his defenses were all in place. I wouldn't get through no matter what I said."

 

"Why don't you go home, fix that dinner you promised me and give this some time? Maybe Jim will come around once he realizes…" //that he's about to lose his best friend,// Simon finished privately.

 

"Great," Blair shook himself from his musings. "Do you like Italian food?"

 

"Sure," Simon replied and took his seat behind his desk. "But I've got no idea when I'll make it home."

 

"I'll put it in the oven." Blair's hand reached for the doorknob. "Thanks again for letting me stay."

 

"Don't get sentimental on me," Simon growled. "Now get out. I've got work to do."

 

///

 

Jim watched Blair leave from a distance. The younger man probably didn't have a clue that he was closely studied. Jim clung to the heartbeat, which grew weaker with the increasing distance. Blair's behavior puzzled him and he couldn't figure it out.

 

Maybe Blair would come back if he apologized? Apologized for what? For kicking him out? For not confiding in his Guide in the first place? For wanting Alex after she'd killed his best friend?

 

"Should apologize for all those things." So what kept him back? He couldn't bear the thought of opening up like that. He remembered being honest with his dad and the disapproval that had stared back at him. His dad's reactions had taught him to keep everything inside. He'd never again gone to his dad for comfort when something had upset him. As a little boy he'd missed that closeness, hugs he never received. Maybe it was too late for him to change?

 

"But then I'll lose Blair." The thought hurt. He listened to the now distant roaring of the Volvo's engine and discouraged he returned to his desk.

 

///

 

Blair looked at the ingredients for his lasagne and smiled. Yes, this was one of his favorite dishes and he planned on using all the veggies on the kitchen counter! Stifling a yawn he looked over at the couch. If he got started now he could take a short nap while the lasagne was in the oven. How decadent… taking a nap during the day! It had been ages since he'd done that. Maybe he could find his favorite CD's in the two boxes he'd brought with him and just pretend everything was fine for a few minutes. Actually, that sounded just right.

 

He prepared the lasagne and put it in the oven. Next, he returned to his room and rummaged in the boxes. Yes, that was his CD player and inside was his favorite CD! He removed his shoes and returned to the living room. Sitting down on the couch he kept an eye on the oven from there.

 

Hitting play, he grew calm as the new age music drifted into his mind. Slowly, he lay down and stretched his legs. Closing his eyes he tried to focus on something pleasant, hoping to achieve a meditative state that would relax him. He didn't even realize that he fell asleep.

 

///

 

A burst of fire exploded in front of his eyes and Blair cocked his head. What had he gotten himself into this time? Last thing he remembered was snoozing on the sofa in Simon's living room! So how had he gotten here and where was here?

 

"Oh, man. I'm back in the jungle…" he mumbled in disbelief. "I really need to get this out of my system!" The fire died, leaving behind large clouds of smoke and he coughed. "Can't believe my subconscious is this creative."

 

"You've got a sense of humor… good."

 

The voice made him spin around. Incacha stepped away from the smoke and smiled. "Not again…" Blair sighed. "Yes, I whined about not having any visions, but this… why now?"

 

Incacha gestured him to come closer and he studied the younger man who still had much to learn and yet knew everything without realizing it. It was his place to guide Blair, to make him see what he'd pushed away for too long, but it wouldn't be an easy task. "Because this is your time."

 

"I won't get a straight answer from you, will I?" Blair realized and fell into step next to the taller Chopec.

 

"The answer lies in your heart, it always has," Incacha insisted as he led the younger man back to the campfire. "Sit."

 

Blair obeyed, not in the least surprised to find the wolf already there, apparently waiting for him. The fire in front of him felt warmer today, almost scorching his skin and he wanted to pull away.

 

Incacha stopped him. "What do you fear?"

 

"The fire might burn my skin."

 

"Do you fear the fire?"

 

"Well, I guess anyone would. Quite a devastating force," he pointed out to Incacha, who smiled amused. Displeased, the wolf growled and bared his teeth.

 

Incacha raised his right hand, extended his arm and his fingertips made contact with the fire.

 

Blair's eyes widened and his first impulse was to pull back Incacha's arm before the fire burned the skin. But something kept him from moving and entranced he stared at the whole fingers. The fire licked, almost caressed the skin, but didn't scorch it. "Oh man," Blair whispered stunned.

 

Incacha showed him the palm of his hand, inviting Blair to put his hand in his.

 

"No way, man!" Blair stated shocked. "If I put my hand in there it will burn my skin."

 

Incacha didn't react verbally, but his eyes compeled the younger man to follow his lead, to trust him.

 

"I must be mad," Blair stuttered lost. His right hand hovered near the fire, feeling the burning heat. He could do this… he had to do this.

 

"Fire's part of who we are, what we are," Incacha explained, hoping Blair would find the courage to take this step. "It burns in our bodies, is part of us. You don’t need to fear yourself. Embrace this power and take it within yourself."

 

"Oh shit," Blair mumbled and already closed his eyes in anticipation of the pain that would shortly follow as he thrust his fingers closer to Incacha's. He cringed as the heat seeped through his skin, penetrated his bones and in his mind his skin turned black.

 

"Open your eyes. Don't fear your powers," Incacha said softly, admiring this young man's trust and courage. Yes, he'd chosen well!

 

The lack of pain surprised the hell out of Blair and his eyes flashed open. They fastened on their joined hands. Incacha's fingers were loosely curled around his. The skin however was intact. "What? I don't…" he choked out. The fire was real! His instincts told him that his hand should be burned!

 

"You fear too much and desire too little," Incacha pointed out to him. "Only merging with Enqueri's animal spirit showed you the truth. You're jealous."

 

Unable to take his eyes from their hands, he nodded his head. No use in denying the truth. "Feels like Jim's a Sentinel and a Shaman!" He couldn't hide the hurt and disappointment in his voice. "I feel empty."

 

"Because you've cut yourself off from life." Incacha observed him closely. "Tell me what you want."

 

"I want to be a Shaman. Jim's Shaman… not a fraud. I feel like a fraud. I'm supposed to be his Guide… how can I guide him?" He fought back the tears that threatened to spill from his eyes. "After you died… I kept hoping I… would change, would inherit your wisdom, your powers…"

 

Incacha chose his next words carefully. After all, this was only the beginning of Blair's journey. "A Shaman is born in the fire of his soul. But when he denies what he really is, the power dies slowly."

 

"But I want it! Always wanted to be a Shaman!" Blair protested fiercely and tried to pull back his hand, but Incacha wouldn't let him.

 

"Tell me what you fear," he repeated his earlier question.

 

"Disappointing Jim." Blair gave up. Incacha would push him into telling the truth. "Being a failure as a Shaman," he admitted at last and released his tears. Ashamed, he averted his eyes and stared into the fire, suddenly intrigued by its raw power. "Jim really looks up to you. He…" Words failed him. "I can never follow in your footsteps."

 

Incacha leaned in closer to whisper into Blair's ear. "You haven't even begun to discover your powers." A smile filled with remorse flashed on his face. "You're his true Guide."

 

Blair finally found the courage to look Incacha in the eyes. "I'm a fraud."

 

"No, this is my mistake," Incacha insisted. "I hoped that you'd find your way without my guidance." Seeing the tears flow down Blair's face didn't surprise him. "You're so strong, so gifted… I should have known you would doubt yourself."

 

Blair's face contorted hearing Incacha's words of praise. Strong? Gifted? Yeah, right! "You should find Jim a new, more suitable Guide."

 

"No one else will do. The spirits chose you."

 

"The spirits lost their minds then!" Blair cringed at Incacha's disapproving glance.

 

"Your first assignment, Inqucha. Meditate. Watch the flame. Study the fire until it obeys you."

 

"Uh, I hate to say this, but you're talking gibberish," Blair choked out, feeling the pull back to reality. The spirit plane faded, Incacha faded and the wolf leaped to its feet and disappeared in the jungle.

 

"Find yourself in the flame."

 

Incacha's words followed him back to reality and suddenly he realized that someone was shaking him, trying to wake him.

 

"Blair!" Simon called out urgently. This was the second time he'd found Blair mumbling in his sleep.

 

"Sorry, Simon, must have dozed of. It's not like me, man, to fall asleep like that."

 

Simon waved it away. "You probably needed the sleep." Studying his guest he decided it was time to address something that bothered him. "Don't get up. The food can wait. First, I want to talk." He smiled. Sometimes it felt like Blair needed a dad and the older man couldn't help but reach out. He'd helped raise Darryl and hadn't done too bad a job, at least he thought so. Maybe he could let his parenting skills loose on Sandburg as well?

 

Blair elbowed himself into a sitting position and waited patiently. "Talk about what?"

 

"I checked with the hospital today. They never released you, Sandburg. Actually, they urged me to bring you in for a check up."

 

"Oh that," Blair said relieved. As long as he didn't mention Incacha in his sleep he would be all right. "Had to go after the two of you and Megan…"

 

"Stop avoiding the matter," Simon bellowed annoyed. "You should have gone to the hospital when we got back!"

 

"I'm fine, Simon." Blair felt a sting of irritation. "I don’t need medical attention."

 

"So what do you need, Sandburg?" Simon asked quickly. And he'd thought talking to Daryl was hard! Maybe he should give Blair the third degree instead of trying to reason with him?

 

Blair licked his lips. His mouth was suddenly dry. "I can't have what I need."

 

"Jim?" Simon took an educated guess. "I'm not blind!" he chided Blair who gave him a nervous glance. "I see what's going on. Hell, everyone at Major Crime knows!"

 

"Know what?" Shit, this wasn't going as planned. Simon should stay out of this! Blair ran a hand through his hair, trying to hide behind the curls.

 

Simon sighed. "You should discuss your feelings with Jim, not me."

 

"I can't do that. As far as Jim is concerned there's nothing to discuss." Blair got to his feet and headed for the kitchen. "Can we drop this now?"

 

"If that's what you want, Sandburg." Simon followed and sat down at the kitchen table. Being served dinner was a rare treat and the lasagne looked mouth watering. As he dug in for his first bite he contemplated his next words. "Jim has a stakeout tomorrow night."

 

"I'll be there," Blair promised. //But I doubt he'll need me,// he finished privately.

 

Simon needed a distraction now that tension had set in. "What the hell were you talking about in your sleep, Sandburg? Study fire?"

 

Simon's words catapulted him back to his dreams. "Don't worry about it, man. I'm just having crazy dreams since… since the fountain."

 

Damn, this lasagne tasted good and that red wine was really something! "Nightmares?" Simon inquired concerned. His protective streak showed, as he looked at the young man seated opposite him. Over the years Blair had become a good friend, even though he didn't say it often enough.

 

"No, they're not nightmares. I guess my subconscious needs to deal with everything that happened and is doing that in its own way." Blair poked the food on his plate. Suddenly, he'd lost his appetite. "Just don't mention the dreams to Jim."

 

Now, that remark attracted Simon's attention. "Why not?"

 

Blair shrugged his shoulders, taking another bite. "Can't explain it." Blair shifted uneasily in his chair. //Maybe because this is something that's happening to me,// he thought possessively. He didn't want to share Incacha's presence with Jim. This felt personal and he'd waited for it to happen for so long. //Come on, man!// he chided himself. //You know it's only your subconscious and not Incacha visiting your dreams for real.// But the dreams comforted him and he needed them right now.

 

"How are things at Rainier?" Simon decided not to push. Blair was entitled to the time he needed.

 

"Okay. I'll get my classes back in a few days. I'll start again on Monday." He looked forward to that, sitting here idly wasn't like him.

 

"Blair?"

 

Blair looked up at the surprisingly tender tone in Simon's voice. It didn't happen too often that the captain addressed him like that. "Yes, Simon?"

 

"Do me a favor and have that check up tomorrow at the hospital?"

 

"Sure," Blair found himself saying. Damn! Simon had learned to push his buttons!

 

"Good and now pour me another glass of that wine." He usually had a beer when he got home and settled down to read or watch TV, but this wine was a nice change.

 

Blair smiled, glad that dinner was turning out this well. "Sure, captain!"

 

///

 

Later that evening when he returned to his room Blair uncovered the journal. There was so much he needed to write down, but at the same time he really felt tired. Ever since he'd died some of his old stamina had left.

 

#August,13th

 

I'm still dreaming of Incacha and it's starting to worry me. Okay, I understand that my subconscious is acting up, but how do I stop this from happening? It can't be healthy that I'm so desperate to have a vision that I'm now making them up myself. I wonder… when I go to sleep tonight, will I have another dream? I'm not sure I want that.

 

I also faced Jim today. He was so angry! I bet he doesn't even have a clue why I'm now staying with Simon. I don't really know what to do about this. Since Sierra Verde his senses seem even stronger, but so does his control. I feel obsolete. Jim doesn't need me. Picking up my stuff at the loft was hard. Just being there brought back so many memories, mostly good memories.

 

It hurts being alone. Yes, Simon's really trying to make me feel welcome, but I don't belong here. Tomorrow I'm going to find a place to stay and tomorrow night I have to go on a stake out with Jim. Man, that's going to be awkward. Should I try to get him to talk about Alex or stay clear of the subject? This is so confusing and I'm not even thinking about the assignment Incacha gave me. Yeah, make the fire obey me… This is nuts!#

 

He put the journal back into his backpack and took a quick shower, avoided his reflection in the mirror and slipped into some sweats. He just wanted to crawl underneath the covers and close his eyes, but a sharp tap against his window surprised him.

 

Curiously, he walked over to the window and opened it. In the corner he found a black bird, which looked at him intensely. "Hello there," Blair whispered softly as he realized the crow was injured. "What happened to you?" Its left wing hung useless down its body. "Broke your wing?"

 

Blair rolled his eyes. "Great going, man. Now you're talking to a bird!" But the crow eyed him trustingly. "Want me to help you?" Blair carefully extended his right hand, expecting the bird to take off the moment he got too close. But the crow remained calm, allowing itself to be caught and Blair gently pulled it inside. "Maybe I can find the things I need in the kitchen."

 

Surprised, he realized that the crow trusted him. It didn't even struggle when he tenderly stroked its feathers. Back in the kitchen he retrieved the things he needed to fix the wing while the crow remained motionless on the kitchen counter. "You can't really fly like this," Blair muttered absentmindedly and he was so absorbed in his task that he didn't hear Simon enter the kitchen.

 

"What are you doing with that bird, Sandburg?" Simon growled surprised.

 

Blair jumped and the crow leaped from the counter, frantically trying to get away. "Simon! You startled it!"

 

Amazed, Simon watched as Blair crawled after the bird on all fours. The tone of the younger man's voice soothed the crow and it calmed down so Blair could carry it back to the kitchen counter. "Well, I'll be damned!" Simon muttered softly. //What the hell's going on with you, Sandburg?// 

 

///

 

Too late?  
Part 3

 

"Are you comfortable in there, little friend?" Blair smiled at the crow sitting in one of the boxes, which he'd unpacked. Simon had supplied the newspapers to keep the bird warm and it definitely seemed at ease.

 

"What are you going to do about this, Sandburg?" Simon remembered a 10-year-old Daryl who'd brought home an injured mouse and had then spent the next weeks nursing it back to health.

 

"I know it's a nuisance, Simon. Hopefully, I'll find an apartment this week and we'll be gone as quickly as possible. But I would really appreciate it if the bird could stay for now…" It still surprised him that the crow had allowed him to tend to its injuries. He'd put the wing in splints, hoping it would heal properly. "Tomorrow I'll buy some bird seed…"

 

"Well, sandwiches seemed fine too," Simon mumbled amused, remembering the crow had almost devoured a large pile of breadcrumbs. "You think we can get some sleep now, or should I expect more unannounced visitors?"

 

"Hey, Simon, I didn't know it was out there!" Blair said defensively.

 

"It's okay, Sandburg," Simon replied quickly. "Get some sleep and we'll check on it in the morning."

 

"Thanks," Blair whispered sincerely. Simon left his room and Blair sat down on his bed watching the tired bird. "You need a name." Okay, what was a good name for a crow? "Maybe I should just call you Tweety!"

 

The crow gave him a menacing look and Blair chuckled. "You don't like that?" Blair took a moment to search his mind. "What about Jimmy? Or Daffy?" he whispered and the crow cawed disapprovingly. "You don't like those either? What about… Blackie?"

 

This time the crow remained quiet as if considering the name worthy.

 

"You like it! We found you a name, Blackie! At least this way I won't be alone tonight," he added suddenly saddened. He didn't really want to go to sleep and let his subconscious play mind games again.

 

Lying down he tried to keep an eye on his little guest, but the black eyes were closed. "Better try and get some sleep myself." He pulled up the covers and closed his eyes, determined not to dream of Incacha.

 

///

 

"Now what?" he sighed exasperated. "Maybe I should give up sleeping?" Looking about he quickly realized that he wasn't in the almost familiar jungle. It was dark here and there were no animal noises, which usually told him Incacha had pulled him onto the spirit plane. "This could be bad," he knew instinctively.

 

Moving forward he cursed as he banged his toes into a heavy object. "Why can't my subconscious provide me with a light switch?" Suddenly, a beam of murky light fell in front of him and he identified the object blocking his path. He'd banged his foot against a wooden chest. Slowly his eyes adjusted to his surroundings. A full moon supplied the light, casting its beams through the windows.

 

"Damn, this is the loft!" he realized with a start. He stood in the living room, TV shut down, all lights out and yet… soft breathing came from the couch. "Oh man, why am I doing this to myself? I'd rather be in the jungle!"

 

Unable to resist the pull he walked towards the sofa. He already knew who slept over there. A single beam of moonlight touched Jim's face, showing new lines deeply etched onto his brow. Soundlessly, he sneaked closer, devouring the sight in front of him. "Jim, you've got no idea how much I miss you," he whispered, reckoning that Jim couldn't hear him in this dream state.

 

He kneeled next to the sleeping man and cocked his head to study Jim's expression. The Sentinel was soundly asleep, but had to be uncomfortable on the couch. "Why didn't you go to bed?" he wondered and raised a hand to caress Jim's face. Now that he was this close his heart beat with unrequited love and desire.

 

"You've got no idea how much I love you, big guy," he said affectionately. "And I can't ever tell you. But I'll be there when you need me, I promise," he whispered softly as his fingertips brushed against Jim's brow. "I love you so much, Jim."

 

Jim stirred underneath his fingers and Blair jerked back, leaping to his feet. "Just stay asleep," he prayed fervently. His prayer seemed granted when Jim moved about but remained asleep.

 

Acting even more cautiously now Blair sat cross-legged on the floor and studied the man he loved. "You need someone to watch over you, Jim? Did you call me?" He desperately wanted to believe that. "Don't let it be my subconscious playing games again…"

 

But no matter what had brought him here, he was contented to look at that handsome face and to listen to the steady breathing. Hesitantly, he rested his right hand on Jim's chest, craving to feel his friend's heartbeat. "You'll be fine without me, Jim. You don't need me. It's time to let go."

 

Jim turned onto his right side and now faced him. Blair swallowed hard as the blankets moved down to reveal a muscular chest. "I want it all, Jim. I want you as my lover and I want to be your Shaman. I know it won't ever happen, but I can't settle for less. I'll always treasure this moment. When I lived here you always had your defenses up, but now… I love you, Jim Ellison." The words were filled with sadness. "I hope Incacha will find you a better Guide. He's quite irritating, you know? Insists I'm your true Guide. But don't worry, I'll convince him to see things my way."

 

With infinite tenderness he leaned in closer and placed a chaste kiss on his friend's brow. "Always wanted to do that, but you chose Alex and… it's okay. That's your choice. I just have to learn to live with it."

 

Fighting back his tears he tried to store Jim's peaceful expression in his mind. He didn't want to forget the openness on his friend's face. "Want me to sit with you?"

 

He didn't expect an answer and he didn't get one. Instead, he curled his fingers around Jim's and held on for the rest of the night, softly chanting the words Incacha had burned into his mind.

 

///

 

Jim woke, feeling truly rested for the first time since Blair had died and had come back to life. He yawned, rubbed his eyes and then sat up. Looked like he'd fallen asleep on the couch last night. His senses kicked in, telling him something had happened during the night. First, he concentrated on his sense of hearing, catching a few fleeting Chopec words. It almost felt like picking up on a distant memory still hanging around in the loft.

 

Not yet satisfied he focused on his sense of smell, dialing it up. "What's that?" he whispered absentmindedly. Since Alex had forced that herbal concoction down his throat his senses had heightened even more. It almost smelled like… like Blair?

 

With a start he jumped to his feet. That scent hadn't been nearly so strong last night when he'd fallen asleep! What had happened during the night to make it stronger? "Chief? Are you here?" he called out, wishing Blair would emerge from his room to tell him he was back.

 

But only silence answered him and puzzled he shook his head. The scent was stronger! A lot stronger! Annoyed at being unable to solve this mystery, he walked into the kitchen to prepare breakfast. As he opened the cupboard his eyes locked on the herbal tea Blair had accidentally left behind. It reminded him of his failure. "Damn Chief. Why did you have to leave?"

 

He sighed deeply and listened to the reassuring sound of the coffee maker. Tonight. He would get his chance to talk to Blair tonight during the stakeout. But what would he say? He almost felt like he should rehearse their upcoming talk.

 

After pouring himself a cup of coffee he moved back to the couch and switched on the TV to watch the morning news. Rehearsing their talk was useless. The words didn't come to him.

 

What did he want? Blair back, that one was easy. What was he prepared to do to get the man back? That was harder. "Tell him my side of the story?" He was tempted to give Blair a call and ask him to meet him for lunch, but he didn't want to push his friend. No, tonight would do.

 

He shook off the feeling that something had happened last night that had slipped his attention and he walked over to the bathroom to take a quick shower. Still drying his skin he climbed the stairs to his bedroom. However, he froze as he passed Blair's room. Longing and emptiness coursed through him, but he recomposed himself and walked on.

 

It only took him a few minutes to dress and he caught himself whistling as he sat down on the sofa in the living room. Blair's scent was strongest here and he was reluctant to leave, treasuring that scent and the echo of Chopec words.

 

"I could use some guidance now, Incacha," he said in a pleading tone, but the Chopec Shaman remained quiet.

 

After eating breakfast, he grabbed his keys and was about to leave when his eyes caught the second pair of keys in the small basket. He'd noticed that the boxes and the Volvo had been gone when he'd gotten home last night, but not that Blair had left his keys behind. His fingers caressed the metal objects and then he slipped them into his pocket. He planned on returning them to his friend later tonight. Determined to finally address this unease between them, he left for work.

 

///

 

"I got you something to eat," Blair announced and put a handful of birdseed and breadcrumbs onto the bottom of the box. "You need to eat."

 

The crow accepted the food and swallowed quickly. Amused, Blair smiled. It felt good to be able to help the animal. "Blackie," he mumbled softly.

 

Interested the crow looked up, but then resumed eating. Blair chuckled and checked on the wing. "You trust me, don't you?" he realized with a start. That shouldn't come as a surprise. Animals had always liked him.

 

"I've got to go to work now, pick up some notes and lesson plan. You'll behave, won't you?" He smiled. It almost looked like the crow had just nodded its head.

 

God, he felt good today. Last night's dream had been so amazing, so comforting. Just sitting at Jim's side had soothed him. He no longer wondered about his subconscious, simply enjoying the pleasure last night's dream had given him. It had felt so good to be close to Jim. He blushed slightly, remembering the tranquil expression on Jim's face. It had been a unique experience.

 

"Oh damn, we've got that stakeout tonight… I hope I won't lose it." Blair picked up his backpack and briefly closed his eyes. "Don't let me screw up tonight."

 

///

 

Jim sensed Blair's heartbeat the moment his Guide entered the station and a wicked grin appeared on his face. Tonight, he wouldn't take no for an answer and Blair would tell him what bothered him.

 

"Jim?" Simon noticed the grin and didn't like the smug expression on the detective's face. "Blair's here?" he realized after a moment's thought.

 

"Yes, sir," Jim confirmed. "Thanks for arranging this stakeout."

 

"Just don't tell the kid I assigned you instead of Brown. I've got to live with him!" Simon said teasingly. "Settle this. I hate to see my best team and best friends behave like this."

 

"I'll do my best, sir," Jim promised and focused on the doorway. Sentinel vision picked up on Blair's form the moment Blair left the elevator. There it was, the scent he'd smelled this morning. If he hadn't found Blair's keys he would have sworn the younger man had been inside the loft during the night. But no, he would have heard him.

 

Feeling a little nervous Blair entered the room and nodded friendly as Brown, Rafe and Megan waved at him, all engaged in phone calls or busy typing reports. It felt good to be here. His steps faltered a little as he saw Simon and Jim waiting for him.

 

"Sandburg, I guess I have to order out tonight?" Simon joked and enjoyed seeing the weak blush on the young man's face. "You're not going to cook dinner for me tonight?" He couldn't help it. He loved to tease Sandburg.

 

"Could you feed the bird, Simon?" Blair asked pleadingly. "He needs the food."

 

"Bird?" Jim interrupted. "Got a new pet, Captain?"

 

"No, actually it's Sandburg here who has a new pet. A crow with a broken wing."

 

"I tried to splint its wing," Blair explained and fumbled his backpack.

 

"Sure, I'll feed it." Simon left them alone, wondering which one of the two men was more nervous. "Rafe and Brown will relieve you at 0600. And don't wake me when you get home, Sandburg!"

 

"He's afraid to miss out on his beauty sleep," Blair chuckled, hoping Simon couldn't hear him and he gave Jim a wink. "And he needs it!"

 

"I heard that, Sandburg!"

 

"Shit," Blair whispered softly, but chuckled nonetheless. "So where are we going?"

 

Jim grabbed his coat and gestured Blair to follow him. "Cascade General Bank. We received an anonymous tip that someone plans on robbing the vault, but we don't know the details."

 

"They must be crazy to think they can get away with that!" It was surprisingly easy to slip back into the old routine. "You think they'll make their move tonight?"

 

"Our informant thinks so."

 

They walked to the garage and got into the truck. They drove away in silence, each man busy pondering their own thoughts. It was a 15-minute drive and Jim chose a spot from where they had excellent view of the entrance. The security guards were already checking the premises, knowing someone of Major Crime was keeping an eye on the building.

 

"Want some coffee?" Blair offered hesitantly. "It'll only take me a minute," and he pointed out the coffee shop opposite the bank.

 

Jim accepted the peace offering. "Would love some."

 

Relieved, Blair got out of the car and got the coffee. As he handed Jim his coffee he also presented a donut.

 

Questioningly, Jim raised an eyebrow. "No lecture on the sugar and fat? Normally you go ballistic when I try to eat something like this."

 

Blair shrugged his shoulders. "I know you love them. It's none of my business." Last thing he wanted was to annoy his partner.

 

Suddenly, Jim couldn't stand the sight and smell of the donut. Blair's answer was so out of character that he wrapped up the donut and put it away. "We need to talk, Chief."

 

"We've got work to do," Blair reminded him and pointed at the building. "Don't want anyone to slip through." This was what he'd been afraid of. Jim didn’t have a clue what was going on and would only make things worse.

 

"We could sit here all night and nothing happens," Jim said firmly, not allowing himself to be sidetracked. "You left your keys at the loft." He uncovered them and put them in Blair's lap. "I want you to keep them."

 

"Why? What's the point, Jim? I'm not coming back."

 

"Tell me why, Chief, 'cause I don't know what the hell's going on!" Jim exploded. "I thought everything was solved!"

 

"Nothing is solved!" Blair insisted vehemently. "You made your decision and I've got to learn to live with it!"

 

"What decision?" Mystified, Jim tried to lock eyes with him. "What are you talking about, Chief?" Blair laughed and the hurt tone chilled his bones. "What decision?"

 

"You chose Alex." Blair gritted his teeth. He'd never wanted to say that!

 

"I chose Alex?" Jim repeated stunned. "Is this about her?" Finally, he managed to catch Blair's evasive gaze. "No, talk to me, Chief!" he pushed on as Blair tried to avert his eyes. "Explain this to me."

 

"What's there to explain?" Blair asked saddened with a hint of anger in his tone. "She killed me and you made out with her on the beach? Looks to me like you made your choice."

 

"Here you go again, Chief. I never chose her!" Truly confused, Jim shook his head. "I told you that I couldn't resist the attraction! I never wanted her in that way!"

 

"Yeah, and I'm supposed to believe that?" Blair sighed embittered. "I don’t want to talk about this. It won't solve a thing. I just need to get to terms with this."

 

Jim's thoughts raced, trying to figure out what Blair wasn't saying. "What else bothers you? Just tell me, Chief!" He wouldn't let go before he knew the truth!

 

"You kicked me out of the loft… what was the real reason?" Blair asked resigned as his anger faded and only the sharp sting of betrayal remained behind. "Was it to clear the way for Alex so she could move in?"

 

This time Jim's jaw nearly hit the floor of the truck. "What? I can't believe I'm hearing this!" Anger threatened to take over, but then he saw the hurt and disappointment in Blair's eyes and that calmed him down. Blair didn't deserve his anger. His friend had done nothing wrong. "I wanted you safe. I… had this dream…"

 

Blair looked up "Dream?" He leaped onto that morsel of hope Jim threw him.

 

"I was in the jungle and… I killed a wolf and it changed into you…" Jim confessed awkwardly, closely watching Blair. "I was afraid for your safety. I couldn't bear the thought of you being close, of being in danger…"

 

"You should have told me, man." Blair couldn't meet Jim's eyes and stared at his hands.

 

"Does it change things between us?"

 

"I don't know, Jim."

 

"Blair," Jim reached out and placed his right hand on his friend's arm. "I never wanted you to move out, but it was the only way I knew to keep you at a safe distance. I know I hurt you, but… your safety was too important to me."

 

As if burned Blair jerked off Jim's hand. It'd burned through the fabric of his clothes. "You should have told me about the dream." Stubbornly, he stared at the black coffee in his hand, still too hot to sip.

 

"Where did you get the idea that I wanted Alex to move in with me?" Jim wanted to know. This really puzzled him.

 

"Face it, Jim. You're both Sentinels. I can't compete with her." He wished those words had never left his lips. //Please don't let him figure this out!// he prayed privately.

 

"Blair, you're my best friend. Why the hell do you think you have to compete with her? She's a criminal!" Too late he realized that he was doing the one thing he'd been afraid of, opening up.

 

"Call me crazy, but it definitely looked like you wanted her on the beach and later in the temple." This time Blair failed in keeping the jealousy out of his voice.

 

At a loss, Jim shifted in his seat and drew in a deep breath. Blair's erratic heartbeat was much too fast and the younger man shivered. Blair's answers confused him. Keeping one eye on the building, he suddenly noticed the shadows moving closer to the building. "We've got company," he informed Blair and called Simon.

 

Blair sighed relieved. Jim was getting much too close to the truth! "You think it's them?"

 

"Yeah, I think so." Jim updated his Captain. "Simon, I can see two other men moving over the rooftops heading for the bank. Send backup."

 

"Understood, stay put and don’t move before the backup arrives" Simon ordered.

 

Jim rolled his eyes. If he did that, the perps would get away. "You stay in the truck, Chief. Tell the backup what's going on when they arrive."

 

"You can't go in there alone!" Blair objected. "What if you zone?"

 

"I won't."

 

Jim's convinced tone proved Blair's point. He was right. Jim no longer needed him. "I'll stay here." No point in tagging along.

 

With his gun in his hand Jim left the truck and sneaked closer to the building. The door was open and he moved inside. The security guards were unconscious and he noticed the nearly untouched tea on the desk. He sniffed, immediately recognizing the sedative someone had administered.

 

Soundlessly, he sneaked up the stairs, his sense of hearing guiding him. The bank robbers weren't in the basement where the vault was, but on the first floor. Why?

 

He never realized he was being watched.

 

///

 

"Stay in the truck, Chief," Blair repeated Jim's words listlessly. Like there was a reason for him to leave it! Jim no longer needed a Guide. Crossing his arms in front of his chest he waited for backup. What was taking them so long?

 

Suddenly, he doubled over as a terrible sense of foreboding sliced through him. Gasping for breath, terror rolled over him. Jim! Jim was in danger! He didn't question this knowledge. All he knew was that he had to protect his Sentinel! Within seconds he ran across the street and entered the bank. He ignored the unconscious security guards and wondered where to go next. Where had Jim gone?

 

Upstairs, Jim cursed mentally, registering the familiar heartbeat thundering underneath his feet. He'd told Blair to stay in the truck! Well, he should know by now that Blair didn't listen to him and a sly smile crept over his face. That was exactly why he loved the man. //Hold on… love him?// Revelation tugged at the edges of his mind, but suddenly his nose picked up another familiar scent. This one urged him into action. He smelled plastics! This place was going to blow and that meant Blair was in danger! But then the voices of the bank robbers drifted closer. His instincts prevailed and he turned to head back to Blair.

 

"Now!"

 

The word took him by surprise, but he caught the click that set of the explosives. "Blair!" he screamed in an effort to warn his Guide.

 

His name tore through the silence and Blair halted in his tracks. "I'm coming, big guy."

 

"No!" Jim replied, picking up the distant words. "Stay clear! Get out of…" The explosion killed his next words and the impact threw him onto the floor. Damn! He'd turned up his sense of hearing and sight and now they crashed on him, tearing him apart. He screamed out in pain as his eyes drowned in blackness and all sounds around him vanished. He'd been through this before, and helplessness overwhelmed him. He was blind and deaf and didn't have a clue what was going on! In the back of his mind he prayed Blair had survived the explosion.

 

Blair pushed himself closer to the wall when the pressure the explosion had created rolled over him. He closed his eyes and held on for dear life. Judging it safe again, he quickly scanned the corridor. A wall of fire presented an impossible barrier. On the other side was Jim, huddled in the corner, both hands clutching his head. Damn, that explosions had crushed his senses!

 

"Hold on, Jim. I'll find a way to get to you," he whispered lost. The fire was gaining, stealing closer to Jim and leaving him no way out. Blair slipped out of his coat and tried to put out some flames, trying to create a corridor that would enable him to get to Jim, but the fire was resilient and grew even stronger.

 

Blair muttered helplessly, realizing the smoke suffocated Jim. Staring at the wall of fire he felt useless. Jim needed him and now he couldn't get close. Even worse, if backup didn't arrive soon, the fire would burn Jim alive! He couldn’t let that happen!

 

//The fire can't hurt you. It lives inside you. Reach out, touch it and make it obey. Trust your powers…//

 

Blair shook violently hearing Incacha's voice. He quickly looked about, but he was alone all right. "I'm not sure I can do this, Incacha," he objected weakly. "I don’t want him to die and I will…" My God, the sudden insight left him stunned. "And I'll gladly die with him, for him, but…"

 

//Trust the spirits. Let hem guide you.//

 

"I'm losing my mind," Blair sighed resigned. "Okay, tell me what to do."

 

//You already know what to do. Go, your Sentinel needs you, Shaman.//

 

Blair bit his lower lip, feeling scared. "I've got nothing to lose," he whispered and took a step closer to the fire. He drew in one last deep breath and then thrust himself into the flames. He expected pain, fire burning his skin, tearing him apart, but instead he only felt… ecstasy. The flames danced around him, creating an ancient dance, moving to a forgotten rhythm and he was part of it. Entranced, he moved with them.

 

The ecstasy filled his mind, supplied his body with courage and energy and with closed eyes he continued to walk. The flames only reluctantly released him and he woke up from his trance like state. Worried, he kneeled beside Jim, taking him into his arms. "You're safe, big guy. Can you hear me, Jim?"

 

"Blair?"

 

Blair sighed relieved. "We're going to make it, Jim. I'll get you out of here." He noticed the door to their right, formerly obscured by the smoke. He reached up and tried the doorknob. Yes, it opened and a stream of fresh air washed over them. "Can you get to your feet, Jim?"

 

"I can… try." Jim's voice sounded hoarse from the smoke and he pushed himself up from the floor. He'd dialed up his returning sense of hearing and barely heard Blair's voice. His eyes however, still refused to co-operate. He licked his dry lips and whispered, "Get us out."

 

Blair cast one last look at the fire and briefly he saw Incacha, standing amidst of the flames, smiling at them. He shook off the image and guided Jim into the next room, closing the door behind him. He uncovered his cell phone and called for an ambulance. Jim coughed and was about to lose consciousness again. A moment later Simon's voice roared in his ears.

 

"Where the hell are you? Sandburg, answer me! Don't tell me you're inside that hell! They blew up half the building!"

 

"We're on our way out. Jim's hurt. I can’t talk right now." Blair terminated the connection and worried, he watched the smoke crawl underneath the door.

 

"Chief? What are you doing?" A violent cough followed the question. He couldn't believe Blair had managed to find him! The last thing he remembered was the explosion deafening his senses!

 

"I need help, Incacha," Blair whispered, hoping Jim's hearing was still impaired. He didn't want Jim to find out about Incacha, but… alarmed, he forgot to breathe. Did this mean he hadn't imagined those visions? That his subconscious hadn't supplied them?

 

//Follow your spirit guide. You don’t need me, Inqucha.//

 

A growl sounded to his left and Blair's head jerked back. It was the wolf! "Hold on, Jim… you can do that for me, can't you? Hold on!"

 

Jim vaguely nodded his head. "I'll try," he whispered, throat and lungs still suffering from the smoke. He felt Blair's body next to his, felt the warm and the strength and briefly he panicked. What if they couldn't get out of this hell? What if the fire consumed them? What if it killed Blair? He was supposed to protect his Guide and now he was helpless.

 

"Lean on me, Jim. Everything will work out. I can see the wolf and he's going to lead us outside."

 

Blair's words calmed him a little. "See… the wolf?"

 

"Yes, my animal spirit and now stop talking… you need your breath!" Blair chided him.

 

Although it only took them 5 minutes to leave the building they seemed like hours to Blair who struggled to drag Jim with him. Jim needed oxygen, needed medical attention and Blair sighed deeply the moment they stepped onto the street. "Simon? Over here!"

 

"I'll be damned!" Simon whispered pleased and gestured the paramedics to follow him. "Are the two of you all right?" Stunned, he stared at Blair's scorched clothes.

 

"I'm fine, Simon, but Jim…" He released Jim into the care of the paramedics and leaned heavily against the wall. For the first time he looked up and stared at the hurricane of flames that were devastating the building. "Can't believe we made it out alive."

 

Jim breathed in pure oxygen and allowed the paramedic to fasten the oxygen mask over his nose and mouth. "Blair?" he whimpered, on the edge of passing out. He needed to know his Guide was safe.

 

"I'm here, Jim." In an unguarded moment he took hold of Jim's hand and soothingly rubbed the knuckles. "We're safe."

 

"Next time…" Jim whispered in a pained tone. "Don't listen to me… when I tell you… to stay in the truck."

 

Blair smiled affectionately. "I never listen. You should know that."

 

"We’ve got to take him to the hospital," the paramedic announced. "You can ride along."

 

"You want me to, Jim?"

 

"Yes," Jim whispered through the oxygen mask and then fainted.

 

"Simon, can I…?"

 

"Get going. I'll deal with this mess," and he pointed at the building. "Take care of your partner, Sandburg."

 

"I will."

 

///

 

Blair remained quiet during the drive to the hospital. His fingers were still curled around Jim's and he refused to let go. The paramedics assured him that Jim would be fine once the smoke had left his lungs.

 

"You're going to be just fine, Jim," he whispered, more to comfort himself than his partner. Only now the events caught up to him.

 

//I really walked through that fire… and I'm still alive!// How had he accomplished that? During his search on the web he'd never encountered an experience like this. Maybe it was all a crazy dream and he would wake up in a moment?

 

But looking down at his clothes he knew it had really happened. His clothes were partly burned and stank of smoke. A curl danced in front of his eyes and he realized that the fire hadn't scorched his hair or skin.

 

//Why am I surprised? For crying out loud, Jim brought me back from the dead! What's a little fire walking compared to that?// He shook his head, fearing he was going mad.

 

///

 

"Sandburg? The doctor wants to have a look at you too," Simon said determinedly as he entered Jim's room. "He also told me you didn't have that check up you promised you'd get."

 

"I'm fine, Simon," Blair whispered softly, unwilling to wake Jim. An oxygen tube allowed the oxygen to flow freely into tortured lungs. "I've got to be here, Simon. You know how he reacts to certain types of drugs."

 

"You already told the doctor that and they wrote it down." Simon came to stand in front of his friend. He had a lot of questions, but those could wait. "I'll stay with Jim if you let the doctor have a look at you."

 

"All right then," Blair reluctantly gave in. "A change of clothes might be a good idea too." He looked at the scorched clothes. Hopefully they wouldn't ask him why he didn't have a single burn on his body. "Did you feed Blackie?"

 

"Your little pet is doing okay. Now go and see a doctor!" Simon sat down at Jim's bed and gestured Blair to leave the room.

 

Reluctantly, Blair walked up to the doctor who'd been trying to get him into an exam room since they'd arrived and endured the medical examination and questions. Luckily, the doctor seemed rather pleased with his present condition and after changing into some sweats, which the doctor supplied, he returned to Jim's room.

 

Simon nodded his head approvingly. "That's better."

 

"The doc let me go, Simon. I told you I was fine." Blair sat down on the hospital bed and reclaimed Jim's hand. "I wish he'd wake up."

 

"He will," Simon reassured him. "What happened in there?"

 

"There was an explosion, Simon. It must have short-circuited his senses. He was barely conscious when I got to him."

 

"And you got him out?" Simon looked at Jim, wishing his detective would wake up to supply him with additional information.

 

"Yes, I did." Blair avoided talking about Incacha or seeing his spirit guide, unsure how Simon would react to that. "Do you know when they're going to release him?"

 

"They plan on keeping him here overnight. Probably tomorrow."

 

"I want to stay here," Blair said resolved. "I'll take care of him."

 

"I'm sure you will," Simon got to his feet, walked over to Blair and rested a hand on the young man's shoulder. "Anything I can do to help?"

 

"Just look after Blackie for me?"

 

Simon nodded his head. "I'll be back in the morning to check on both of you." He turned to leave, but then added, "We've got one perpetrator in custody. We'll find out what they were after!" But Blair didn't acknowledge his words, too enthralled watching Jim sleep. Simon grinned smugly and headed home.

 

Blair pulled a chair closer to the bed and sat down, never taking his eyes off Jim's face. "You're going to be just fine, Jim." Placing his arms on the side of the bed he slumped forward and rested his head on them. This little stunt had worn him out and he felt drained. His eyes slowly dropped shut and he gave in to exhaustion.

 

///

 

Too late?  
Part 4

 

"You passed your first trial," Incacha said approvingly. "You did well, Inqucha."

 

Blair wasn't surprised to find himself seated at the campfire. He'd kind of expected being pulled onto the spirit plane when he'd fallen asleep. "I really did it, didn't I? I walked into the fire."

 

"Yes, you did." Incacha studied him. "Your love encouraged you to take that step." He noticed Blair's stunned expression.

 

"You know that…"

 

"That you love him?" Incacha finished for him. "The spirits approve."

 

"The spirits?" Blair said with a hint of amusement.

 

Incacha leaned in closer, hoping this chosen one would understand. "Sentinel and Guide are one. Tear them apart and each soul withers slowly. But Sentinel and Shaman forge a bond that can't be broken, not even in death."

 

Blair struggled to understand, but failed. "Are you telling me that the Guide eventually evolves into a Shaman?"

 

"Not all Guides. Some don't possess the necessary inner strength. But you're truly gifted. The fire's strong in you and the spirits protect you. Don't fear the spirits, Inqucha."

 

Blair swallowed hard, still wondering about Incacha's words. There were so many things he needed to ask, but first, "You called me that before… Inqucha. What does it mean? Why do you call me that?"

 

"It's your Chopec name," Incacha said affectionately and allowed himself to smile. This young one was a source of delight. He hadn't smiled this much for a long time. It could get lonely on the spirit plane and he found himself looking forward to each of Blair's visits.

 

"My Chopec name? Inqucha?" He spoke the name hesitantly. "Does it have a special meaning?" He felt shy all of a sudden, touched that Incacha had given him a Chopec name. It meant a lot to him that the Chopec Shaman thought of him as a member of their tribe.

 

Incacha's smile turned into a grin. "It means 'child of fire.' I think it suits you."

 

"If it hadn't been for you I… couldn't have done it… walk into that fire. Jim would be dead now." Blair looked up apologetically. "I failed him."

 

A puzzled expression appeared in Incacha's eyes. "Why do you think you failed him? You saved his life."

 

"But I needed you to… guide me, talk me through it…" Blair averted his eyes and stared into the flames, which now held a new fascination.

 

"Inqucha, let me explain the old ways to you." Pleased, Incacha noticed that the wolf crept closer to the young man and then rested his head in Blair's lap.

 

Blair swallowed hard, as yellow eyes locked with his. His hands moved instinctively and stroked the warm fur. "I'm listening."

 

"In the old days a Shaman sought out his successor and trained the chosen infant in the way of the Shaman for years, guiding the adolescent through puberty. As an adult the new Shaman would work together with the teacher for many years until all knowledge was passed on to the chosen one. You had to do this on your own. You never had a teacher who taught you the old ways."

 

"Doesn't make me less of a failure," Blair sighed deeply. "I don’t know why I'm bothering to figure this out."

 

"You feel disconnected, cut off from your Sentinel. You need to restore the bond, which Enqueri broke." Incacha nodded his head. "Sentinel and Shaman need each other. Love binds you."

 

"But Jim doesn't love me," Blair said softly, his protests weakening. He was about to give in due to pure desperation.

 

"Did you ever ask him?"

 

"I can’t ask him!" Blair's eyes widened. "Hey, Jim. I love you… by the way, do you love me too? Incacha, during these last three years we've been friends, nothing more and then there's…"

 

"The spotted Jaguar," Incacha said knowingly.

 

"Yeah, Alex." Blair didn't know what he felt. The anger was still there, but had subdued. "Jim told me he didn't want to feel attracted to her. I don't know what to believe. I saw them kiss."

 

Incacha saw the confusion in his blue eyes and sighed. This was also his mistake, not solely Jim's. "In the old days two Sentinels mated to ensure offspring. The tribe would raise the children, who would be Sentinels and take over the older Sentinels' responsibilities."

 

"So it was a… sexual thing?" Blair asked, curiosity mingling with discomfort.

 

"A sexual urge to mate so the tribe would never be without a Sentinel. Yes."

 

"I never read anything like this in Burton's book," Blair said apologetically, appreciating the fact that Incacha trusted him with this knowledge.

 

"You haven't asked about the Shaman's part in this," Incacha pointed out to him.

 

Blair remained quiet, wondering if the Shaman actually had a part in this.

 

"Shaman and Sentinel mate for life. Sentinel and Sentinel mate for the moment, their paths different." Incacha wished Blair had found his way to the spirit plane earlier so he could have explained all this. "A Sentinel is only allowed to mate with another Sentinel with his Shaman's explicit permission. If he mates without the Shaman's permission, the bond between Shaman and Sentinel is broken. If the Shaman can't forgive the Sentinel for this breach of trust the tribe will declare the Sentinel an outcast for there has to be love and trust between them."

 

Blair's eyes were big as he stared at Incacha. "I never knew the Shaman was this important, had such…"

 

"Power?" Incacha supplied. "The Shaman leads the tribe. The Sentinel protects the tribe. But the Sentinel can only protect the tribe with the Shaman's guidance. The Sentinel is a warrior who needs his Shaman's connection to the spirit plane."

 

"I never knew…" Blair repeated softly. He startled slightly as Incacha moved to sit closer to him. The Shaman's fingers suddenly tangled in his hair. "What are you doing?"

 

"You passed the trial of fire," Incacha reminded him. "More trials will follow…"

 

"You still didn't tell me what you're doing," he whispered nervously. It felt like Incacha was braiding strands of his hair. Colored breads lay on the ground in front of Chopec.

 

"Don't fear changes. Embrace them," Incacha adviced and continued to braid the curls, adding colored beads to the braid. "Your soul is that of a Shaman. Don't be ashamed to show that." After he'd finished he studied the braid. "You can hide it," he said slowly and pulled curls in front of the braid. "But I hope you aren't ashamed of your heritage."

 

"I…" Blair started, but then closed his eyes as the spirit plane started to fade. Slowly, he drifted away into undisturbed sleep.

 

///

 

A heavy weight had settled onto his chest and curious to find out what it was, Jim opened his eyes. The first thing he noticed was the oxygen tube. Had to mean his lungs were sill contaminated by the smoke. Experimentally he breathed in deeply. That was no problem, expect for the weight, which made it a little harder.

 

//Blair?// he thought surprised and smiled, genuinely pleased to find his friend this close. Blair was asleep and some time during his sleep his head had come to rest on Jim's chest, using it as a pillow. Face turned towards him, Jim enjoyed the peaceful expression on his friend's face.

 

//You're handsome, Chief. Hey, where did that come from? Oh yeah…// The revelation that had hit him last night during the stakeout quickly returned. //I love him just the way he is… I love Blair…//

 

Why hadn't he seen it before? Why had it taken all this to open his eyes and see, really see, Blair Sandburg's inner beauty? Blair had done so much for him! Three years ago Blair had saved him from insanity when his senses had gone berserk. His Guide. His true Guide! Incacha had been right. All he needed was Blair.

 

//I need to tell you so much, Chief. I need to tell you that I never chose Alex. I chose you, but I was too scared to allow that truth in. I need to tell you about my vision in the temple when Incacha told me to find the light that would chase away the darkness.//

 

It took all his remaining strength but he managed to lift his right hand. Displeased, he noticed the IV attached to the back of his hand. Damn, he wanted out of this hospital! He needed some privacy to talk to Blair!

 

//Take this slow, Ellison,// he chided himself. //Kid still thinks you're in love with Alex! And how did he ever reach that conclusion?// Jim finally found the courage to look within his soul. //I kicked him out, told him he destroyed the trust between us because he never told me about Alex and… I'm such a jerk! No wonder he thinks I don't trust him and that I don't want him around. But that's going to change!//

 

Gently, trying not to wake Blair, he caressed one curl, running the strand of hair through his fingers. God, this felt so good! Suddenly, he was no longer in a hurry to leave the hospital, provided Blair remained this close. He grew a little bolder, now tangling his fingers in the luxurious hair. Carefully, he dialed up his sense of touch, amazed at the sensations running through his fingertips. If Blair's hair felt like this, what would Jim experience running his fingers over his Guide's skin?

 

//Denial and repression. I'm too good at those. I'm such a fool. I chose not to see his love.// Grinning, he realized he was growing aroused. //Down boy, go back too sleep.// Relieved, he pushed deeper into the mattress now that his arousal faded again. They needed to talk first. "Come on… Chief… wake up."

 

Blair stirred in his sleep, slipping away from Incacha and closer to Jim, whose words called him closer. Slowly, he opened his eyes and stared into Jim's. Those steel blue eyes kept his gaze prisoner and he couldn't pull away. "You're awake," he finally managed.

 

Jim nodded his head, unable to speak as Blair's eyes revealed the love he'd always suspected lingered there. //I've been so blind! For a Sentinel a real achievement,// he thought sarcastically and all this time he'd hurt Blair.

 

Suddenly, Blair realized that his head rested on Jim's chest and he jerked back, afraid he'd added to Jim's discomfort as the older man clearly had trouble breathing. "I'm sorry," he apologized and leaned back in the chair.

 

"Water?" Jim asked softly. His throat ached, but he needed to talk to Blair.

 

"I'll get it for you." Blair took hold of the glass filled with water and got to his feet. Awkwardly, he pressed the glass into Jim's hand. Jim spilled some water as he tried to drink. Acting on instinct Blair supported his friend's hand with his and helped him empty the glass. "Feeling better?" he inquired as he refilled the glass.

 

"Yes. You've been… here the entire… time?" he managed in a raspy tone.

 

Blair sat down again, keeping a comfortable distance between them. His hair fell in front of his face, hiding his features. "Someone has to keep an eye on you."

 

"Thank you." Jim watched him closely, wondering what the hell was different about Blair.

 

"What for?" Blair's eyes begged for an explanation.

 

"For saving my life… My senses crashed… and you got me out… Thanks, Chief." This conversation reminded him of one he'd had only a week ago, but back then it had been Blair thanking him. "I don't know… how you managed to get me out… but thanks."

 

Blair blushed weakly. "You did the same thing for me, man."

 

"No, that was not the same thing… I didn't risk my life… to save yours." Jim's eyes searched his face. What was different? His sight wasn't back to normal yet and he gestured Blair to come a little closer.

 

"Why?" Blair asked hesitantly, but complied nonetheless.

 

"Different…"

 

"I'm different?" Blair raised an eyebrow. "What are you trying to tell me, Jim? You should rest and not talk to me. The doctor will never let you go if he catches you talking to me. I promised to let you sleep."

 

"Stop babbling… Chief," Jim chided him affectionately. He clearly noticed the tremors running through Blair's body as his fingers returned to caress the curls. Unexpectedly, his fingertips encountered something that didn't belong there. "What's…this… Chief?"

 

Surprised, Blair's hand joined Jim's and they briefly touched. Blair quickly pulled back.

 

"A braid? Beads?" Jim whispered surprised. He had never seen Blair wear his hair like this before and he would have missed it, hidden underneath the curls, if his eyes hadn't caught sight of the beads. "Incacha… wore those beads… too," he whispered affectionately.

 

"What are you talking about?" Blair pulled away from Jim's fingers as he wanted to see for himself. Jim was right, he realized startled. Incacha had braided that strand of hair and had added the beads in his dream and now it was still there? Even after he'd woken up? Man, this was so weird!

 

Jim noticed his friend's stunned expression and decided not to question him further. Instead he whispered. "It suits you… Chief."

 

Blair hardly heard the words. He had to remove that braid! "What did you say?" he asked, hoping Jim hadn't said something important.

 

"I said that… I like it. You should… keep it that way." Jim felt stronger now, but also tired. "I'm going to fall asleep again… Chief… go home and get some sleep too?" It never occurred to him that Blair no longer saw the loft as their home and was now staying with Simon.

 

"Want me to pick you up tomorrow and drive you to the loft?" Blair asked tentatively. The anger Jim had displayed earlier in the truck seemed gone. Maybe they could remain friends after all?

 

"I count on you… to be there," Jim whispered fatigued and tried to give him a wink. "You said… you'd be there for me," he played his trump.

 

"I keep my promises, Jim," Blair assured him. "I'll be here."

 

///

 

"You need to get some sleep, Sandy," Megan stated compassionately. "Simon asked me to drive you home. Jim needs you rested tomorrow." She walked up to him and smiled, seeing the warm expression in his eyes. "You talked?"

 

"Not really, but it's a start," Blair admitted. "Can't I stay here?"

 

"Jim's in good hands, Sandy. You really need a shower, food and rest… Simon insisted I drop you off at his place."

 

Reluctantly, Blair gave in. Megan wouldn’t stop until she got her way. He squeezed Jim's hand one more time and then got to his feet.

 

"You look tired," Megan couldn't help it and stroked a stray curl behind his ear, noticing the braid, but didn't mention it.

 

"I feel tired." Blair allowed her to take his arm and led him to the car. "Does anyone know what they were after? Not the vault."

 

"No, we're still questioning the perp we caught. Simon thinks they were after computer files, inside information."

 

"Why the explosion?" Fatigued, Blair slipped into the car and sat down.

 

Megan joined him and started the engine. "Maybe they noticed you blokes hanging around and they wanted to ensure a safe retreat? We'll find out."

 

"Jim's doing better," he updated her. "The doctor will probably release him tomorrow afternoon."

 

"Are you going back to the loft?"

 

"No."

 

Megan shook her head. These two men were so bloody stubborn! "We never really talked about Jim being a Sentinel."

 

"I should have hidden Burton's book. Leaving it behind was negligent."

 

"Sandy…what's your role in all this?"

 

"You don't ask easy questions," Blair sighed. "I thought I knew, but things changed."

 

"Because of Alex?" She nodded her head. "I'm not blind, Sandy. You love Jim."

 

"Yes… I guess I feel inadequate."

 

As she drove up to Simon's house she gave him a probing look. "Why is that, Sandy?"

 

"I'm not a Sentinel… Alex is."

 

"Then I'm back to my original question," Megan said firmly and turned off the engine. She stopped Blair when he wanted to get out of the car. "What is your role?"

 

"I was his Guide… I helped him gain control over his senses."

 

"Was?" The distant expression in his eyes worried her.

 

"I'm having visions, Megan," he admitted reluctantly. He shouldn’t tell her, but he trusted her, had trusted her from the beginning. "In these visions I'm talking to a Chopec Shaman, the man who first helped Jim. His name is Incacha and…"

 

"Calm down, Sandy. We've got time." Reassuringly, she rubbed the back of his hand. "These are 'good' visions, I hope?" She knew some Aborigines whose culture breathed mysticism and believed Blair when he said he was having visions.

 

"Yeah, I suppose so. Incacha tells me about the old ways, about Sentinels and Shamans and…"

 

Megan smiled wickedly. "So that's your part in this? You're a Shaman?"

 

"I don't know, Megan." Blair met her eyes. "He keeps telling me I'm one, but…"

 

"Have you told Jim you're having these visions?"

 

"No."

 

Megan gave him a disapproving glance. "Why not?"

 

"I want to. I will. I'm waiting for the right time," Blair quickly assured her.

 

"Glad to hear that. Now get some sleep, Sandy."

 

Blair smiled warmly at her. "You're a good friend, Megan."

 

"Thanks, you're a great friend too, Sandy."

 

"But I wish you'd stop calling me that!" Blair said good-natured and got out of the car. He waved good-bye and then walked up to the house. Apparently, Simon had been waiting for him, because the captain opened the door.

 

"You look like shit, Sandburg." And the kid smelled of smoke and fire. "Take a shower and get some sleep."

 

"Blackie?" Blair walked towards his room, deciding that a shower could wake until tomorrow morning.

 

"Doing fine," Simon reassured him. "And yes, I fed him!"

 

"Thanks, Simon."

 

"Get some rest, kid and don't worry about Jim. He'll be back to being a pain in the ass tomorrow."

 

"I hope so," Blair replied smugly and closed the door behind him. Feeling tired, he dropped onto the bed. The crow stirred from its sleep and gave him a hard look. Moving carefully, it managed to jump up onto the bed.

 

"I take it that means you missed me?" Blair felt relaxed and cautiously, he extended a hand to stroke the black feathers. The bird allowed it. "You're feeling better," he realized pleased. He picked it up and put it back into the box.

 

Walking into the bathroom he decided to take that shower after all. He wanted to get rid of that appalling stench. Slowly, too tired to rush, he stripped and then stood beneath the warm shower beams. As he reached for the shampoo he suddenly remembered the braid.

 

He felt reluctant to remove it. Incacha had braided his hair and it seemed disrespectful to go against the Chopec's wishes. It didn't really bother him, so maybe he should keep it that way. Jim had liked it.

 

As he closed his eyes, he remembered Jim's body pressed into his during their escape from the burning building. Waking up later in the hospital with his head on Jim's chest had felt even more intimate. His groin stirred and he moaned his desire. Unable to stop himself he ran his hands over his chest, down to his erection. No other man had ever made him feel like this. Only Jim…

 

He imagined that Jim's hands caressed his skin, touching his erect cock, stroking it. Arching his back, he released a soft yelp as he hardened even further. Aching for relief he increased the speed with which he pumped his cock, fisting it roughly.

 

"Please, Jim," he begged, voice filled with passion and desire. "I want you so badly." He rolled a hard nipple between his fingertips and bit his lower lip. "So close… Jim." Just saying the name increased his need. Oh, to feel Jim's hands on him, touching him, stroking him… taking him, finally claiming him!

 

That thought drove him over the edge and he shot his cum into the beam of warm water. His body trembled and he leaned heavily against the wall. Damn… he shouldn't do this. Not in Simon's home!

 

Suddenly he felt cold to the bone and the water washed away the evidence of his desire. His fantasies were always the same. Just thinking about Jim taking him, thrusting, making love to him brought him to orgasm.

 

His eyes swam with tears as he grabbed the soap to lather up his body. He couldn't help but feel ashamed about his fantasies, which included a straight man he could never have. "I'm so pathetic," he sighed softly. The image of Jim and Alex making out on the beach burned his thoughts and he scrubbed his skin harder, trying to wash away his desire.

 

///

 

Soundlessly, Simon pushed the door ajar to check on his guest. "You should be asleep, Sandburg!"

 

Blair looked up from his book. He'd wanted to reread some of Burton's passages, trying to find evidence for Incacha's words. "My eyes are dropping shut. Don't worry about me, captain. I'll be asleep within the hour."

 

Simon approached the bed, pulled up a chair and sat down after casting a glance at Blackie, who watched him with curious eyes. "Are you worried about Jim?"

 

"Jim will be fine. He experienced sensory overload, but his system is already repairing the damage." Blair removed his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Simon, why did you ask me to stay with you?"

 

Simon never expected that question. "I hate the idea of you being stuck in a hotel room, kid. You need your friends around."

 

"And that's because?" Blair put the book away and pushed himself into a sitting position, which made it easier to lock eyes with Simon.

 

"You died, Sandburg, and dealing with Alex's influence on Jim must be hard on you." He laughed at Blair's amused expression. "I'm a cop, kid! Give me a little credit for figuring everything out!"

 

"I never realized I have so many friends." Blair smiled warmly. "At least something good came out of this."

 

"You've got a lot of friends, kid." Simon got back to his feet and switched off the light. "Bedtime, young man! And if I catch you reading again…"

 

"Should I be scared?" Blair asked jokingly.

 

"Ask Daryl!" Simon countered. "I caught him a few times playing Nintendo during the night!"

 

Warm laughter flowed through the room and Blackie cawed as well, adding to their mirth.

 

///

 

"Rise and shine!" Simon called out at Blair's door. "I made breakfast… you better appreciate it!"

 

Blair's lips were already curled into a smile as he opened his eyes. Last night he'd spent seated at Jim's bed… in his dreams. But at least he knew now that Jim had had a good night's sleep as well.

 

Blackie croaked, hungry and demanding attention. Blair reached out and gathered the bird in his hand. "You're getting an attitude." The crow stared at him and Blair laughed. "Okay, I'll get you some bird seed and breadcrumbs. And yes, I won't forget to give you fresh water!"

 

Feeling rested and energetic he slipped into his clothes and first cared for the crow. Then, he splashed some water onto his face, shaved and headed for the kitchen. The smell of bacon and eggs made him hungry.

 

"I don't do algae shakes!" Simon said teasingly and piled bacon and eggs onto Blair's plate, adding toast and orange juice.

 

"Jim told you?" Blair looked questioningly at his filled plate. "That's tons of fat, man!"

 

"Eat!" Simon ordered and joined him, sipping from his coffee. "If you're a good boy I'll tell you what the doctor said when he called early this morning."

 

"You don’t play fair," Blair accused and with a sigh he started to eat breakfast. Surprisingly enough he managed to empty his plate, never realizing how hungry he really was.

 

"I learned some tricks while raising Daryl." Simon leaned back and studied his guest. "Good boy," he remarked teasingly, noticing the surprised look on Blair's face. "Guess you never thought you could eat that much."

 

"You're right, Simon and you know what? It didn't taste that bad!"

 

"Better than an algae shake?"

 

"Yeah, but the shake is healthier." Blair went along with the teasing, but grew impatient. "What did the doctor say?"

 

"Jim's condition has improved during the night. You can pick him up at 13.00 hours."

 

Blair quickly checked the time. That meant he had two hours left. He could make a quick stop at Rainier to get his things organized. He should check his notes on the lectures he had to give next week. "You want to come along to the hospital?" he asked Simon.

 

"No, I'll be stuck at the station most of the day." Simon rose from the chair and got the files he needed. "I trust you to take care of your partner, Sandburg."

 

Blair smiled. "I will."

 

///

 

Nervously, he kept stealing glances at the door. The nurse had told him that Blair would pick him up in thirty minutes and he couldn't wait for his friend to get here. He'd been thinking most of the morning about how to regain Blair's trust. Eventually, he'd formed a plan. He decided to take things slow for now, but he was determined to get through to Blair. Damn, why had it taken him so long to see the truth? Now he had to fix this mess and that wouldn't be easy.

 

"Can I come inside? I know I'm a little early."

 

Blair's voice stirred something in his soul and he quickly whispered, "Yes." The nurse had removed the oxygen tube this morning and except for some coughing the smoke no longer bothered him. "You're taking me home?" //First step, making the loft our home again.//

 

"That's the idea." Blair moved over to the bed. Jim still wore a medical gown and Blair presented the clothes he'd brought. "Picked these up at the loft."

 

//Good,// Jim thought pleased. //That means you kept the keys after all!// Shifting in the bed he raised an arm and accepted the clothes. "Give me a moment to get dressed."

 

"Do you… need help?" Blair offered, feeling equally nervous. "I can call a nurse." Seeing Jim awake and healthy reassured him. Did Jim have any idea how close he'd come to death last night?

 

"I can manage…" Jim whispered with a smug grin on his face.

 

"I'll be back in five. I need to find out if the doctor signed your release papers," and Blair fled the room before he had to face a naked Jim.

 

Jim chuckled and slipped into the jeans and sweater. It felt great to wear regular clothes and not that stupid gown! He put on his socks and shoes and then cautiously got to his feet, testing his balance. Pleased, he walked out of the room and headed for Blair who was talking to a nurse. "Let's get out of here, Chief."

 

Blair nodded his head, thanked the nurse and fell into step beside Jim. "They want you to come back if you develop respiratory problems."

 

Jim heard the words, but didn't react. He was too focused on Blair's too rapid heartbeat. Why was Blair nervous?

 

"Hope you don't mind riding along in the Volvo. I know you don't like me driving the truck, so…" Blair opened the car doors and slipped onto his seat.

 

Jim joined him and released a deep breath. "It's good to be out of that hospital, Chief. It gives me the creeps."

 

"I know. I feel the same way, remember?"

 

Jim studied him as Blair pulled the car out of the parking lot. The braid was still in place, a fact that pleased him. Okay, he had to be subtle about this if he wanted to succeed. He had to keep Blair off balance. "I'm going down to the station later today to find out if they got any information from the perp they caught. Are you coming along, Chief?"

 

Blair concentrated on driving through the heavy traffic. He didn't have any plans for this Thursday. "I guess I can come in for a short while." He wasn't sure being this close to Jim was a good idea. His body was waking up and his mind fed him beautiful images of time spent together.

 

Jim smiled a secretive grin. "We could have dinner together at the loft tonight. I'll cook." So far, so good…

 

"I'm not sure that's… that's a good idea," Blair stuttered surprised. Jim's mellow mood took him aback as he pulled up to the loft.

 

"Come on, Chief! Just to thank you for saving my life at the bank! Without you I'd be dead now!"

 

"You'd have found a way out," Blair said softly and turned off the engine. "You're home, Jim."

 

"Are you coming upstairs for a cup of coffee?" Jim pushed, not taking no for an answer. He was determined to make this work. Blair's resistance however, surprised him. It almost felt like Blair was scared to take this step. //Maybe he's scared I'm going to hurt him again?// He couldn't blame Blair for thinking that.

 

"I need to be at the University on time. I'll see you at the station later," Blair said firmly, avoiding Jim's eyes. His hands did their best to crush the steering wheel.

 

Jim decided to let Blair set the pace. "I'll see you later then? And we're on for dinner?"

 

"Jim…" Blair finally locked eyes with him. What he saw in Jim's blue eyes amazed him; trust, affection, longing. //He never looks at me like that!// he realized and quavered. What the hell was going on? "Are you feeling okay, Jim? Or is the smoke still bothering you?"

 

"I'm fine. Dinner at eight," he decided and got out of the car. "Thai food okay?"

 

Still baffled, Blair nodded his head once. "Sounds great." Was it just his imagination or was Jim coming on to him? Nope, just his imagination. Jim liked women, not men!

 

"See you at the station!" Jim chuckled the words as he walked away from the Volvo. He still had a few hours to carry out his plans for tonight and this time, he promised himself, Blair would open up to him.

 

///

 

Slightly shocked, Blair remained motionless behind the wheel. //Okay, I'm going to have dinner with him tonight. That's it. No big deal. We had dinner before. There's nothing special about tonight!//

 

Blair drew in a deep breath and started the engine again. He needed to prepare the lectures he would give on Monday, pick up some papers he had to grade and… not look at the fountain.

 

A stabbing pain moved through him. Every time he drove up the University it was there, the fountain where he'd died. He couldn't look at it without panicking, but he forced himself to pass it by, not to avoid it. Instinctively he knew that he could only work through what had happened by facing it.

 

A wolf's growl brought him back to reality, focusing on the traffic again. His spirit guide felt incredibly close these days and without knowing it, his right hand reached for the braid. Why had Incacha done that? Braided his hair? This journey frightened him, dabbling with powers he couldn't understand and he needed Jim so badly.

 

But at least the animosity between them was growing less and they were actually making the effort to talk, really talk. Hopefully, dinner would go well. He couldn't bear the thought of losing Jim a second time.

 

///

 

Too late?  
Part 5

 

Nervous was the only word that described Blair's current state of mind. //Or no, panic, that might even better!// Blair thought miserably. He couldn't remember the last time he'd felt like this. //It's the uncertainty,// he realized, //not knowing what to expect from Jim.//

 

Things were changing again and he wasn't sure how much more he could take. Jim's dinner invitation had come as a complete surprise. And this afternoon, when he'd helped Jim type the report concerning last night's events, he could have sworn Jim had kept stealing glances, watching him whenever Jim had thought he could get away with it.

 

"What's going on with you, Jim?" he wondered aloud as he changed his clothes. He slipped into some jeans, white t-shirt and blue flannel shirt. Briefly, he considered tying back his hair, but didn't really know what to do about the braid. In the end, he shrugged his shoulders and allowed his curls to remain loose.

 

"You're getting better," he mumbled and Blackie cawed his agreement. Blair was surprised when the crow managed to climb up the bed. It then used its beak to climb even higher and settled down on his right shoulder. "What do you think you're doing?"

 

Blackie seemed very comfortable on his shoulder and resisted when Blair tried to gather him carefully in his hands. "You want to stay there?" he whispered doubtfully. "I can't take you with me, Blackie." But the crow remained stubborn and refused to move.

 

"Got a problem, Sandburg?" Amused, Simon watched them from the doorway. The crow had taken quite a liking to Blair. "You're not going to get rid of him."

 

"Simon? Help me?" Blair tried one last time to get hold of Blackie, but the crow cawed a warning. "I can't have dinner with Jim like this!"

 

Blair had told him that Jim had invited him over for dinner and Simon hoped the two men would manage to patch things up. "Looks like you'll have to take him with you."

 

"I can't! What will Jim say?" Blair considered his options. "Maybe it's just Blackie's way of telling me that he wants to go outside and be released? The wing should heal without complications and he can come back for food."

 

Simon chuckled, catching Blackie's smug expression. Something about the crow struck him as odd and the way it sat on Blair's shoulder… it almost looked like it had taken its rightful place, like it belonged there.

 

"I better get going, don't want to be late…" Blair grabbed the sake he'd bought earlier that day, not wanting to appear at the loft empty handed. "Simon, why am I this nervous?" Shit, had he really said that?

 

Simon's chuckling grew louder. "You're in love… this could be considered a date, Sandburg."

 

"You can't be serious!" Blair exclaimed and Blackie buried his claws deeper into the shirt, surprised by the sudden movement. "This is not a date!"

 

"Why isn't it?" He enjoyed pushing Blair's buttons and didn't feel like stopping. The kid was too damn easy to embarrass! "Jim dated men before so…"

 

Blair swallowed hard. "Simon, what did you say just now?"

 

"Must have been… four years ago. Surprised the hell out of me to find out Jim was bisexual. Didn't bother me, but it took me time to get used to see him date a guy." He read Blair's expression correctly and quipped, "You didn't know that?"

 

"Simon… man… I'm so confused right now! I always thought… assumed… that Jim was… like straight," he muttered embarrassed.

 

"People can surprise you, you know." Simon walked up to him and pushed his guest towards the doorway. "Get going, Sandburg and I expect a full report when you get back!"

 

"You don't…" Blair muttered big-eyed.

 

"I'm only teasing, kid…" Simon let him of the hook and shoved him outside, then closed the door.

 

Blair shook his head and suddenly realized he stood next to his car… and Blackie still sat on his shoulder. "Looks like I can't convince you to let me go on this… 'date' alone?"

 

Blackie cocked his head and tapped his shoulder with his beak, as if to tell him to get moving. Sighing, Blair slipped into the Volvo and drove to the loft.

 

///

 

"I hope he likes it," Jim whispered, nervously straightening out the tablecloth for the umpteenth time. Were the candles lit? Check. Was soft music playing in the background? Check. Was the food in the oven? Check… He didn't know what else to do to make this evening special and he hoped this wouldn't overwhelm Blair, but he wanted to make this evening memorable.

 

He'd made one of Blair's favorite dishes, low fat, healthy and had steamed the fish. Nervously, he walked over to the mirror in the bathroom and checked his clothes. He wore a sweater Blair had once given him for his birthday and hoped it would help to get the message across. "This is a new beginning," he stated convinced.

 

The doorbell surprised him and he hoped it wasn't Simon or another unannounced visitor. He wanted to spend tonight with Blair. As he opened the door, he frowned surprised. "Chief, why didn't you use the keys?" He cocked his head, seeing the crow on his friend's shoulder. The bandaged wing reminded him that Blair was taking care of the bird. "You brought a guest?"

 

"Blackie refuses to leave my shoulder," Blair said apologetically.

 

"Get inside, Chief. I'm hungry."

 

The moment Blair entered the loft, Blackie moved and managed to fly over to a bookshelf where he contentedly settled down.

 

Blair gave the bird a probing glance, wondering why it insisted on tagging along. Suddenly, he felt Jim's hand at the small of his back, guiding him to the set table. The candles and soft music made the insides of his stomach flutter and he wondered if he would be able to keep his first bite down.

 

"You didn't have to do this… Take out would have been fine too." Why was Jim's hand still on his back? Come to think of it, why was Jim this close? Why the music and the candles? Had Simon been right? Was this a date? Hadn't he imagined Jim come on to him earlier that day? Had he been right about that? What the hell was going on?

 

Stunned, he sat down and watched Jim carry the food to the table. "I brought the sake," he whispered and allowed Jim to open the bottle and fill their glasses.

 

"Hope you're hungry, Blair."

 

Hearing his name spoken in such a tender tone sent shivers down his spine. Jim usually called him Chief. "What's going on, Jim?" he couldn't help but ask, as he felt lost. And was that the sweater he'd given Jim last year? Why was Jim wearing it now?

 

Nervously, Jim licked his lips. "I want to talk to you." This wouldn't be easy, but he could do this. "But let's eat first?"

 

"What do you want to talk about?" Blair asked hesitantly. An unexpected ominous feeling washed through him and he forced himself to take a bite. Jim was a great cook and he wished he could appreciate the food more, but his stomach suddenly did somersaults.

 

Jim repressed a sigh, noticing that Blair avoided his eyes. //Slowly, take this slow,// he reminded himself. "About us, Blair."

 

"There's no us," Blair replied calmly.

 

The words cut through his heart like a dagger and Jim needed a moment to compose himself. //I'm doing this all wrong!// He allowed both of them a moment to recapture their thoughts and they ate in silence. He limited himself to one glass of sake, knowing from previous experience that sake strongly affected him if he drank too much. Blair hadn't even touched his glass.

 

Seconds turn into silent minutes and Blair forced himself to remain calm. Every now and then he glanced at Blackie who gave him encouraging looks. "This tastes great, Jim," he complimented his friend, breaking the awkward silence.

 

"Thanks. Want to move this over to the couch?" Jim got to his feet, picked up the tea he'd made earlier and carried it to the coffee table. It was one of the tea blends Blair had accidentally left behind. Hopefully, it would soothe their nerves a little. With a heavy heart he watched Blair sit down on the other side of the sofa, maintaining distance. He handed Blair a cup of tea.

 

Blair tried hard to control the tremors rocking his hands. He didn't want Jim to see how nervous he was. Jim confused him and he didn't like being out of control. Best way to regain control over this situation was to take the initiative. "What do you want to talk about Jim? I already told you there's no longer an us."

 

Blair's words didn't scare Jim. He knew what he had to do. "You remember the vision we shared when I brought you back?"

 

"How could I ever forget?" Blair remarked sarcastically. That vision hurt and comforted him at the same time. It seemed a mockery of what they could have been, one.

 

"What do you think it meant?" Jim leaned back, studying Blair. What would it take to convince the anthropologist that Jim was in love with him? Jim would find out.

 

"How am I supposed to know?" Blair whispered defensively and sipped from his tea. He didn't want to discuss this.

 

"You're the Guide," Jim reminded him, "Guide me."

 

"You no longer need a Guide." Blair put down the cup of tea and considered leaving, but knew that wasn't an option. They had to talk about this.

 

Jim raised a puzzled eyebrow. "What do you mean? Of course I need you."

 

"When was the last time you zoned, Jim? When was the last time you needed guidance? It was Incacha who guided you in Sierra Verde, not me!" Jealousy no longer showed in his voice, it was sadness now. He couldn't be mad at Incacha, not after getting to know him on the spirit plane.

 

"I need you," Jim repeated firmly. "I won't let you leave like this. You're creating this distance between us and I don’t like it." Jim waited for Blair's reaction, challenging to finally show some real emotion, drawing him out.

 

"I'm not responsible for this distance between us." Blair drew in a deep breath, barely hanging onto his calm.

 

"You're referring to Alex?" Jim finally saw the opening he needed.

 

"Yes." Stubbornly, Blair refused to elaborate. His cold fingers curled around the hot teacup and he wished he had the courage to just get up and leave.

 

"Do you remember finding me in the temple after she forced that herbal concoction down my throat?" Jim moved a little closer and pried the cup from Blair's fingers. After Blair's nod he continued. "I called out to Incacha when I thought I was losing my mind."

 

"That proves my point!" Blair whispered, wondering why his bitterness vanished. Maybe it was the gentle caress of Jim's fingers, which now curled around his hand. He considered pulling away, but craved the contact too badly. "I'm a failure as your Guide."

 

"No, you're not, Blair," Jim objected softly. "But please let me say this without interrupting me? It's hard enough as it is."

 

"Fine." Blair waited patiently for Jim to continue, but couldn't figure out just why Jim's fingers were rubbing his knuckles.

 

"I had a vision and it only showed me death, pain and destruction. I didn't know how to fight it and called out to Incacha for help." Relieved, he realized that Blair was listening and trying hard not to interrupt him. "He told me only light could stop the darkness and that the light had to come from within. When I finally found that light, it was you."

 

Blair's head jerked back so he could lock eyes with Jim. What was Jim talking about? Light?

 

"I saw all the good times we shared, but… also the bad times. I saw you die. I failed you. I should have been there for you to keep you safe. Instead, I kicked you out of the loft."

 

"You did what you thought was right," Blair exploded, unable to keep quiet any longer. "I'm to blame. I should have told you about Alex."

 

"No, you couldn't know she was a criminal. You were just doing research. I was out of line at the station when you apologized. I was trying so hard to keep you away from the danger that I… Damn, Blair. I'm sorry…" His emotions briefly got the better of him as he remembered Blair lying dead in the fountain.

 

Blair didn't speak, instinctively knowing Jim needed time. Without even realizing it he returned the caress, rubbing Jim's fingers. He didn't know where Jim was taking this, but he was willing to stick around to find out. Things couldn't get worse than they were.

 

"But about that vision. It made me realize how much I need you. How much I've been taking you for granted. Do you have any idea how I felt when I dragged you out of that fucking fountain?" Agitated, he tried not to lose his calm in front of Blair.

 

"No, why don't you tell me, Jim?" His voice sounded strangely calm, resigned to accept whatever fate threw his way. 

 

"Simon had to tear me away from your corpse, Blair. I tried hard to control the pain, but I think I had a full blown panic attack when the medics gave up on you." He trembled with emotions, having kept this inside for too long. "I felt like lying down and dying too. I couldn't imagine a life without you, Chief."

 

Blair was stunned. Jim was truly opening up to him, something he'd always hoped for, but had never happened… until now. "Thanks for telling me, man." Tiny tremors rocked his voice. "I don't remember how I ended up in that fountain. She knocked me unconscious in my office."

 

"What do you think it meant? The wolf and the jaguar leaping into each other?" Jim tried again, deeply touched to see Blair's watering eyes. One tear escaped his love's eyes. This was going far better than he'd hoped, but he still needed to make another confession.

 

"I think…" Blair started hesitantly, uncertain whether to continue, "that it bonded us."

 

Jim nodded his head and smiled relieved. "It took me some time to reach the same conclusion." He raised his other hand and brushed away the tear that was flowing down Blair's face. "I'm sorry, Blair."

 

Blair didn't know what to say. This conversation was taking an unexpected twist. "So," he whispered eventually, "You think we can still be friends?"

 

Jim took a deep breath to steady himself. He'd hoped Blair would have understood by now. Apparently, he had to spell it out. "I never chose Alex."

 

Blair remembered Incacha's words. "You were drawn to her. Your children would be Sentinels."

 

Jim didn't really know why Blair had said that and he ignored it. "On the beach… when you ran towards us. Do you remember that she grabbed my gun?"

 

"Yeah," Blair laughed nervously, only now feeling Jim's fingertips wiping away the rest of his tears. Was he crying? Shit. "I thought she was going to kill me again and this time you wouldn't try to bring me back… now that you had her." Witnessing them making out on that beach had felt like the ultimate betrayal.

 

"You were right, Blair. I made a choice, reached a decision, but I chose you." Jim carefully watched the effect those words had on the younger man. "If I had chosen Alex, she would have killed you… but I didn't. I didn't fully realize it at that time, but… I wanted you, not her. I couldn't bear the thought of living without you. Alex and I… was wrong, should never have been."

 

"You chose me?" Blair repeated stunned and couldn't stop himself from leaning in and pressing his cheek against Jim's hand, accepting the caress, wanting it, and showing his need.

 

"I was too much of a coward to admit the truth back then, Blair," Jim whispered relieved. "The time spent in Sierra Verde seems like a nightmare at times and when we got back you told me you weren't coming back to the loft. I felt confused. I felt like… I was about to lose you all over again."

 

Blair savored the sensation of Jim's fingertips running over his skin, down his throat. Suddenly realizing what he was doing, he pulled back, got to his feet and paced the room.

 

Jim let him, realizing this was sudden and unexpected. This would work out, but Blair needed time. "Talk to me, Blair."

 

"What does it mean… you choosing me?" He whispered the words, afraid to speak them. "I need to know…" Abruptly, he halted in his tracks, uncertain what his next move should be. He didn't know if he was reading Jim right.

 

Jim rose from the sofa and joined him. "Blair? Look at me?" He brushed some curls out of Blair's face and cupped the younger man's chin in the palm of his hand. "It means that I'm in love with you… probably have been for a long time without realizing it, or maybe denying my feelings."

 

"Jim." Blair whispered the name and then turned away, breaking the spell.

 

"Am I too late? Don't you love me any longer? Did I lose your love, Chief?" Jim's heart pounded fiercely in the same rhythm as Blair's. Trying hard not to panic he waited for Blair's reply. "Please, don't let it be too late."

 

"I'm not sure, Jim," Blair admitted in a heavy tone. "So much happened…" He owed Jim a better answer, but words failed him. Looking at Jim he tried to explain his feelings. "I… have been in love with you for so long… I don't even remember when it started…" He sunk back down onto the couch and hardly registered Jim joining him, reclaiming his hands.

 

"Jim, I… never thought you could… love me in that way." Blair bit his lip, trying to find the right words. "And after Alex and you kissed I felt betrayed. This was the same woman who killed me."

 

"I'm sorry, Blair. I never wanted to hurt you." Slowly, he brought Blair's right hand to his lips and brushed the skin. He dialed down his sense of smell and touch, otherwise he would zone out on the feel and scent alone. "Part of me realized I was hurting you, trying to protect Alex the way I did, but…"

 

Blair stopped him, resting a finger against Jim's lips. "Let's not talk about the past, but of the present and the future."

 

"No," Jim firmly shook his head. "I need to know you can forgive me for betraying your trust." Surprised, he sensed the shivers running through Blair's body. "Can you forgive me?" Blair's answer would decide their future.

 

Blackie chose that exact moment to awkwardly fly over to them, precariously balancing on the back of the couch. Blair immediately used the distraction to avoid answering Jim's question. Incacha's voice took him completely by surprise.

 

//Look inside his heart and see the truth. Share your pain and if you can find it in your heart, forgive him.//

 

"Blair? Blair!" Jim called out, worried by the sudden empty look in his love's eyes. "Chief? Can you hear me?" Oh, this wasn't good. Blair didn't respond at all. Jim shook Blair's shoulders gently. "Blair? Talk to me!" But Blair remained motionless. Only his breathing reminded him that his love was still alive. "Don't do this, babe, you're scaring me…" Was this how Blair felt when he zoned?

 

//I want to forgive him, Incacha. But does he love me for who I am or out of pity?'// Blair asked at a loss. Entranced, he wondered why he couldn't move or speak.

 

//Enqueri is opening his heart to you…//

 

"Blair?" Panicking, Jim caressed Blair's brow much like he had done when bringing him back to life and instinctively, Jim used the power of his animal spirit to reach out and contact the man he loved.

 

Blair shivered, realizing he was no longer alone. He was back on the spirit plane, Incacha sitting at the campfire and the wolf resting at the Shaman's feet.

 

"Blair!" Too concerned for his love's well being Jim hardly took the time to scan his surroundings. He ran towards Blair, whose back was turned to him. He froze, seeing Incacha and the wolf, but then forced himself to move again. "Blair!"

 

Hearing Jim's cry he spun around. "What are you doing here, Jim?"

 

"I followed you, Chief," Jim whispered breathlessly, taking in Blair's appearance. The young man's face was covered with traditional red and white paint. Blair's throat showed some of the ritual black body paint that also adored Incacha's skin. Suddenly, he saw the truth in the Chopec's eyes.

 

"He's no longer just your Guide, Enqueri. I promised you would find your true Guide… your Shaman." Incacha gracefully leaped to his feet and gently took hold of Blair's hand. "You owe him an answer, Inqucha."

 

Blair turned to face Jim, feeling distinctly uncomfortable wearing the traditional body paint. When had that happened? Last thing he remembered was sitting on Jim's couch and talking to him and he certainly hadn't been wearing any body paint!

 

Incacha recognized the confusion in his protégé's eyes and moved to stand behind him, placing a hand on Blair's shoulder. "You went into a trance, Inqucha. For you the borders of the real world and the spirit plane have shifted. You can wander both worlds."

 

"Blair, what's going on?" Intrigued, Jim approached the two men. "Incacha?"

 

Incacha nodded his head. "Answer him, Inqucha."

 

"Incacha's… teaching me how to be a Shaman…" Blair said softly, hesitantly catching Jim's gaze with his. "It started after we got back from Sierra Verde. I had visions and…"

 

"It was time for him to take his rightful place at your side, Enqueri. He's my successor, your true Guide… your light." Incacha watched them closely, hoping Blair would make the right decision. "Ask him again, Enqueri. Ask him for forgiveness, can you do that?"

 

"Yes," Jim walked up to Blair, gently took hold of his love's hand and smiled. Blair was his Shaman. He should never have doubted that, should have trusted his true Guide. "Can you forgive me for betraying you? For giving into Alex?"

 

Incacha squeezed Blair's shoulder. "Choose wisely, Inqucha. Enqueri can't lie here."

 

"I forgive you, Jim." Blair swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat. "But I need to know… do you love me? Really love me? Why?"

 

"I love you, Blair. I think I fell in love with you the first time we met. You're kind and gentle, always helping others, looking out for them. You like to take of others, but I ask you now, will you let me take care of you? I want to make you happy."

 

"He speaks the truth, Inqucha," Incacha reminded him.

 

Blair knew he couldn't deny such love. "Jim, I love you too. Don't ever leave me, man."

 

Jim and Incacha exchanged a smile. "Take good care of your Shaman, Enqueri. He's your life." After speaking those words, Incacha dismissed them from the spirit plane.

 

///

 

"What happened?" Blair whispered as they found themselves back in the living room at the loft. "That was weird."

 

"Shamans," Jim said teasingly. "Can't trust them…" He still held Blair's hands and felt how cold they were. "At least the body paint is gone."

 

"Yeah, what was that about?" Blair smiled nervously. "I must have looked weird."

 

"You looked beautiful, Blair." Jim raised an eyebrow at the sight of the fierce blush. "Guess I need to tell you more often how gorgeous you are, babe."

 

Blair looked at their joined hands, extremely aware of Jim's fingers stroking his skin. "I don't really know what to do or say, man. I never expected any of this to happen when I accepted that dinner invitation."

 

"We'll take it slow, babe," Jim said reassuringly and kissed the back of his love's right hand. The texture of that delicious soft skin was remarkable and he dialed up his sense of touch, feeling every detail that made up Blair's fingers, the palm of his hand, his wrist.

 

"Jim? Don't zone on me, man. Dial it down."

 

"I'm not zoning, Chief… and I'm not dialling it down. Wish you could share this with me. You feel so… soft."

 

Blair's blush intensified and he felt shy. "Jim? Simon told me you also dated men in the past? That… surprised me. I never knew… You never dated a man while I lived here?"

 

Reluctantly, Jim dialed down his sense of touch and looked up into Blair's warm eyes. "Yeah, I dated a man once… but that was before I met you. You know something?" Carefully, he folded his arms around Blair's waist and gathered his love close to his chest. "Feels like I've been dating you for three years without realizing it."

 

Feeling shy, Blair rested his head against Jim's chest, loving the closeness, but also feeling awkward. Maybe it was time he made a confession of his own. "Jim… I don't know if this is the right time to mention it, but… I've never been in love with a man before… you're my first."

 

"And that scares you?" Jim smiled weakly. It certainly was a time for confessions.

 

"It doesn't scare me," Blair carefully selected his words, "But I don't really know what to… do."

 

"What about kissing on the couch?" Jim suggested and wondered if he could chase away the crow, which was watching them intensely.

 

Blair chuckled. "I think I can manage kissing on the couch."

 

Jim leaned back against the comfort of the sofa, forgetting about their voyeur and waited for Blair to make the first move. What would it feel like? Kissing Blair Sandburg's lips? The thought was enough to arouse him and now it was his time to fight the blush that crept over his face.

 

Smiling brightly, Blair leaned in closer and put his hands on Jim's shoulders, sneaking up to caress his throat. //Whom am I kidding? He can hear my thundering heartbeat.// He no longer bothered to hide his insecurity.

 

Jim returned the shy smile and pulled Blair close until his lover straddled his hips. "You still with me, babe?"

 

"Uh huh," Blair muttered, as Jim's fascinating lips descended on his. Brushing lips, he moaned his desire, running a hand up Jim's neck. He cocked his head and got his first real taste of Jim Ellison's lips.

 

//Babe can kiss,// Jim's brain noticed and he teasingly licked the inside of Blair's lips.

 

"Jim…" The sigh only reluctantly left his lips and he arched his back, pressing his lips harder onto Jim's.

 

//Come on inside, lover,// Jim thought wickedly and parted his teeth.

 

"Oh my God," Blair breathed into his lover's mouth as his tongue was lured inside. He grew rigid encountering Jim's tongue, groaning from the exquisite sensation. Tongue licked tongue, lips brushed lips and… they were forced to stop in order to breathe. "Intense, man," Blair chuckled breathlessly. "I definitely love kissing on the couch."

 

//What about spending the night at the loft?// But Jim bit back that question. He had to go slow. "You're a great kisser, Chief. We should have done this a long time ago."

 

"I agree," Blair whispered passionately. He still couldn't believe that this was really happening and his nervousness didn't make this any easier.

 

"What's wrong, babe?" Jim ran his hands up Blair's sides and soothingly stroked his lover's back. "You're worried about something? Am I moving too fast?'

 

"Jim." Blair replied after gathering his courage. He was committed to Jim and wanted to make this work. "Are you sure about this… us?"

 

"Yeah." Jim used his thumb to trace his lover's lips. "Are you?"

 

"About us? Yes." Blair couldn't resist and surprised himself as he licked Jim's thumb, running his tongue up and down the digit.

 

"Chief…" Jim moaned low in his throat, cursing the fact that he wanted to take this slow. If he had his way he'd take Blair right here and now.

 

Unaware of how aroused Jim was, Blair looked up at him with a troubled expression. "It's just… none of my previous relationships worked out."

 

"This is different, Blair. We belong together." Jim recomposed himself and buried his lover in a warm hug, willing his arousal to go away.

 

"You'll have to be patient with me, Jim. I need time to… get used to this, man. There's so much going on in my life." Blair slid off Jim's lap and settled down next to his lover, Jim's arms were still wrapped around him. "I need to tell you about Incacha."

 

The crow cawed, obviously displeased with the change of subject. "Don't mind Blackie. He's getting an attitude."

 

"Chief…" Jim suddenly remembered something long forgotten and studied the crow. "Did I ever tell you that Incacha also has a spirit guide?"

 

Blair locked eyes with him and followed Jim's gaze as it came to rest on the crow, which spread its wings and manages to fly back to the bookshelf. Sudden understanding washed through him. "Don't tell me it's a crow, man."

 

"I'm afraid so." Jim wondered about the injured crow. "Did you notice anything… out of the ordinary about the bird?"

 

"Jim, it's a weird bird," Blair admitted at once, "But you can't possibly think…"

 

"Why not?"

 

"This is too weird, man," Blair whispered, closely observing the crow that plainly ignored them. "Must be coincidence."

 

"Just keep an eye on that crow, Chief…" Dismissing the subject for now Jim encouraged his new lover to snuggle up to him. "Love holding you, babe."

 

"Jim? I think I could use a glass of sake."

 

"You sure? In the past you sometimes reacted funny to it."

 

"Funny?"

 

"Yeah, you start giggling, make horrible jokes and…" Jim quickly fled the sofa at seeing Blair's stunned expression and got them beer instead. "Safer this way."

 

"Shit," Blair cursed after taking a few sips, remembering drinking some sake as well. "I can't drive home like this! And you had even more to drink!"

 

"You can sleep here," Jim suggested, ducking his head as Blair threw him a dirty glance. "In your old bedroom," he quickly clarified. Another more wicked part of him added, "Or in my bed upstairs."

 

"You're moving too fast, man. I just realized that you love me. I can't go that fast…" Blair felt like a coward, but it was the truth. Only hours ago he'd thought he would suffer the rest of his life from unrequited love. "I'll just call a cab."

 

"You sure, Chief? I would love having you here all night. Just cuddling… snuggling and kissing on the sofa."

 

"Jim…" Blair sighed, angry with himself. "I need time." He didn't want to disappoint Jim, but had to follow his instincts and they told him to take this slow. "I moved out of the loft, remember?"

 

"We can rectify that tomorrow by moving your stuff back in. I want you here, babe." Saddened, Jim saw the hurt in Blair's eyes. His lover had forgiven him, but they still had to make this relationship work. "Will you move back in? Please?" he added and cocked his head, giving Blair his best imitation of puppy- dog eyes. "Pretty please?" He could play dirty if necessary.

 

Blair burst out into a warm chuckle. "You really want that, don't you?" He didn't need to hear the answer. Jim's face was an open book. "Fine. I'll move back in, but I'm going to keep my old room for now."

 

"Thanks, babe. I'll help you move back tomorrow." Jim leaned in and instigated a kiss. Blair gave in willingly and delighted, Jim noticed that his lover deepened the kiss. Sucking the tip of Blair's tongue Jim quavered, hearing his lover moan. "You like that?"

 

"What are you doing to me, man?" Blair trembled as Jim's arms pulled him closer. Gasping for breath he still managed to enjoy the warm embrace.

 

"What's your favorite color, Blair?"

 

"Uh?" He wasn't paying attention, too fascinated by the up and down movement of Jim's chest, which he used as a pillow. "What's the question?"

 

"What's your favorite color, babe?" Jim repeated amused, savoring Blair's closeness. It was so relaxing and comforting. It was the first time he'd felt this relaxed since… since Alex had entered their lives.

 

"Red," Blair answered without giving it a second thought. "Why?"

 

"I just want to know… what's your favorite food?"

 

"Thai!" Blair playfully slapped his lover's chest. "You just prepared my favorite food!"

 

"What's your favorite drink? And don't say algae shakes, 'cause I won't believe you!" Jim didn't know why, but he had the sudden craving to know all these private things, which would make him feel even closer to Blair. "Just tell me, babe."

 

"Favorite drink…" he actually had to think about that. " Does camomile tea count?"

 

"Sure… favorite book?"

 

"Man, you're not letting me off the hook with this!" Blair sighed, secretly delighted by Jim's curiosity. He didn't often get the chance to share these private things. "The Sentinels of Paraguay!" he countered victoriously.

 

"You got me there," Jim admitted. "Favorite band?"

 

"That's the last one I'm going to answer!" Blair decided. "Except from my new age tapes and tribal music?"

 

"Apart from that, yes."

 

"This is stupid," he giggled. Jim couldn't possible be interested in all these things! "Depeche Mode."

 

"Never heard of them. Need to listen to their CD's if they're your favorite band."

 

"You know, Jim… just sitting here with you holding me feels good."

 

"Want to do this for the rest of the evening?" Jim smiled, safely tucking Blair's head underneath his chin. "Sleep in your old bedroom tonight? We should call Simon so he won't worry about you."

 

"Worry about me?" Blair breathed in Jim's scent, tentatively caressing his lover's skin. "Maybe you're right. Sometimes he treats me like he treats Daryl. Actually… he makes a pretty good father figure."

 

"I think that feeling's mutual. Simon was really upset --and that's an understatement-- when the medics gave up on you. He was barely holding up… not that I was doing much better."

 

Blair felt too comfortable to leave the couch, let alone the loft. "In that case we can have another beer, maybe watch a movie and…snuggle?"

 

"I always suspected you're a snuggler, Chief," he chuckled; silently thanking Incacha for guiding his lover when he'd needed it most. Now, everything would work out just fine. 

 

The End


	2. No Ordinary Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sequel to 'Too late'. After discovering his shaman powers Jim and Blair continue to work on their relationship. During one of his spirit walks Blair finds that a dark presence is trying to kill his Sentinel. Trying to save Jim, Blair becomes the target of more than just one enemy.

No ordinary love 

 

"Jim? Shouldn't we give Simon a call?" Blair peeked impishly at his lover. "Considering he might be worried…" At least Jim had mentioned something like that earlier. Damn, he shouldn't have had that third beer; he was growing giddy.

 

"Ah, but who's going to do the talking? That would be you, Chief." Jim leaned back and enjoyed the sparkle in Blair's eyes. He'd missed seeing it these last weeks. It felt good to have everything in the open. There had been a few surprises though, like Incacha's involvement. They should discuss this later more in depth, but now…

 

Jim handed him the phone, nudging him to dial Simon's number. "I'll be your backup if things get rough," he whispered softly and his heart thumped quietly at the sight of Blair's mischievous smile. "You got any idea how much I missed you, babe?"

 

Blair blushed weakly, still getting used to their changed relationship. "Missed you too," he whispered sincerely. "I can't believe tonight's really happening. I'm still expecting to wake up in Simon's guest room."

 

"Never again, sweetheart." Jim got to his feet. "I should put some sheets on your bed, get you some blankets… why don't you call Simon?"

 

"You'll stay close?" Blair licked his lips, curious to find out what kind of effect that had on Jim. Hearing a strangled moan he dialed Simon's number and grinned smugly.

 

"You're a tease." Jim shook his head. "I'm in so much trouble," he muttered and retreated into Blair's room. However, he did dial his sense of hearing up so he could listen in on the phone call.

 

"Simon Banks."

 

Blair giggled, hearing the annoyed tone and cursed those beers he'd had. "Simon? It's me, Blair."

 

"BLAIR!"

 

"Oops," Blair groaned. "Am I grounded?" he asked, deciding to play along. It felt so good to laugh! "Guess I didn't make it home in time?"

 

"It's passed midnight! I was getting worried!" Simon grinned broadly, thankful that Blair couldn't see the expression on his face. Hearing Blair giggle was almost too much for the captain, remembering the nervous state the young man had been in earlier.

 

"I'm not coming home tonight… dad," Blair added wickedly, yet he also felt a sting of remorse, never having known his real father. Maybe Jim was right and Simon was the closest thing he had to a father figure? "Jim and I talked…"

 

Simon smugly twirled an unlit cigar in his fingers. Yeah, definitely good news. "You talked things through?"

 

Blair peeked at his bedroom, where Jim was changing the sheets. "Jim can hear us, you know." He didn't doubt that his lover was using his Sentinel abilities to listen to their conversation.

 

"Just spill it, kid."

 

"He… loves me, Simon… you were right. This was a date." Blair's eyes glowed hearing the chuckle that emanated from his bedroom. "Eavesdropping isn't polite!" he reminded Jim, but didn't get an answer. "He wants me to move back in," he informed Simon, "and I said yes."

 

"That's great, Sandburg. I hoped things would work out." Simon enjoyed his cigar and poured himself some brandy. Apparently dinner had gone really well. "You deserve some happiness, kid. After all you've been through lately…" he didn't finish the sentence, reminded of finding Blair dead in the fountain. "So what are you doing talking to me, when you could be doing a million things with Jim?"

 

Blair completely relaxed. "Thanks for being there, man."

 

"Hey, you're part of the family, Sandburg," Simon said reassuringly. It was true. Sandburg had managed to find a way into his heart.

 

"I'll pick up my stuff tomorrow, that okay?"

 

"Sure, kid. Have some sweet dreams!" Simon quipped, delighted to hear Sandburg's sharp intake of breath. As he terminated the call, he leaned back, put his feet up on the coffee table and changed channels until he came across a game. Yeah, life was good!

 

///

 

Jim returned to the living room and leaned against the wall, studying his lover. Blair was on the couch, knees pulled up, arms resting on his knees, chin placed on his hands. The soft curls hid part of his face, but blue sparkled through the strands of hair.

 

And suddenly he realized how close he'd come to losing Blair. A flashback overwhelmed him and he was back at the fountain, desperately trying to revive Blair. Oh, fuck, he'd messed up back then! Trembling violently, he tried to bury the memory again, but failed. He'd failed to protect his Guide, his Shaman!

 

"Jim?" Worried, Blair tried to catch Jim's gaze, which was unfocused and cloudy. "Jim?" Quickly, he leaped to his feet. "Are you zoning, Jim?" Nervously, he shuffled his feet. "Jim? Talk to me."

 

Blair's demanding voice brought him back to the present, but the pain was still too close. "Dammit, Blair, I was scared I'd lost you." He raised a shaky hand and caressed his lover's face. "Why didn't I know what Alex was up to?"

 

"She tried to kill you and she hoped that by finishing me off her secret would be safe," Blair explained patiently. They would never be rid of Alex's shadow in their lives. "Just don't blame yourself, big guy." Tenderly, he leaned into the touch, rubbing his face against his lover's hand. "Why don't we try to get some sleep instead? We got to move all my stuff back in tomorrow."

 

"You're right," Jim sighed. Wasn't Blair always right? But he still wished Blair would join him upstairs. He wanted to hold his lover badly, reassuring himself Blair was all right and back in his life.

 

Blair smiled knowingly. Jim's emotions were clearly written all over his face… a first! "It feels good to be back," he whispered as they walked into his old room. Surprised, he noticed a red flannel shirt lying on the bed. Hadn't he taken that with him when he'd moved out?

 

Jim followed his lover's gaze and shrugged his shoulders apologetically. "I kept it, needed something to remind me of you. It has your scent."

 

Touched, Blair turned around and hugged his lover close. "Why didn't we talk in Sierra Verde?"

 

"I wasn't ready, Chief," Jim realized and his fingers tangled in Blair's locks. "I needed to realize that I was losing you all over again."

 

Blair drew in a deep breath and then released Jim. "You never lost me… really lost me…" But they had come close to severing that connection between them! "And I'm here as long as you want me."

 

"For the rest of our lives," Jim supplied and brushed Blair's lips longingly. "You sure you don't want to sleep upstairs?"

 

Blair nodded his head. "I'm sure… but I promise you won't be alone tonight," he whispered absentmindedly.

 

"Chief?" That last remark struck him as… odd.

 

Blair collapsed on his bed, feeling fatigued. "I can visit you in my dreams, when I'm asleep," he explained. "When you were at the hospital I was there all night long."

 

"In your dreams?" Jim's brow grew furrowed. "Chief… during those dreams… did you ever sit with me here in the loft?"

 

"Yeah, man, I did." Blair looked up questioningly. "Why are you asking?"

 

"A few nights ago… when I woke I could have sworn you were in the loft. Your scent was so… real, close."

 

"The night you fell asleep on the couch?" Blair wondered about the extent of his Shaman powers. Had Incacha known that Jim could sense him? He had known all along that the Chopec had some kind of hidden agenda.

 

"You were here!" Jim exclaimed. "Why the hell are we bothering sleeping in separate rooms? Can you tell me that?"

 

Blair didn't know the answer to that one. "Well, maybe we can… you know like cuddle before… really going to sleep? If I change my mind I can still come back down here?" Surprised, he sucked in his breath. Jim's face shone with joy.

 

"Come upstairs with me, babe," he said in a soft tone. "I just want to hold you." He captured Blair's stare, convincing him he was serious. Now that he'd started to let out all these emotions it was hard to stop. "I need you close."

 

"Fine," Blair gave in and picked up his shirt. "I trust you," he stated nervously. Was this going too fast? Was it? "Just holding…"

 

Jim wondered about Blair's need to be reassured, but accepted it. "Yeah."

 

Together they climbed the stairs to the loft. Blair, who walked in front of him suddenly halted in his tracks. "How did Blackie get up here?" The crow sat on the windowsill, waiting for them.

 

"Beats me, sweetheart." He wondered how to make Blair more comfortable, but eventually he gave up. This was something new and Blair needed time. //He can have all the time he needs!// Slowly, he took off his clothes until he only wore his boxer shorts.

 

Blair's strangled moan made him look up. "You're blushing!" Jim said affectionately. //Is Blair also this shy when he's with a woman?// His brow grew knitted; he'd never noticed Blair being reserved. "You okay?" he asked and pushed back the covers of the bed. "Are you going to sleep in all those clothes?" Blair's wavering look surprised him.

 

"I'm cold, man," Blair whispered and reluctantly slipped out of his clothes. It wasn't like Jim hadn't seen him partly undressed before. There had been that time when Jim had bandaged his ribs. //If I'd been a Sentinel I would have zoned on the sense of his fingers on my skin back then.//

 

Although Jim didn't understand his lover's hesitant behavior he didn't tell him to hurry up. A brief glimpse of Blair's tight ass shot a painful sting into his groin. //Down boy, not yet!//

 

Blair quickly slipped into the red flannel shirt. Nervously he looked at the empty side of the bed. Jim patted the spot next to him and after taking a deep breath Blair crawled underneath the covers. The first skin on skin contact had him shivering. Jim's skin was electrifying and he wondered how the hell he was supposed to sleep tonight!

 

Invitingly, Jim opened his arms, hoping Blair would take the hint and move into them. With obvious nervousness Blair snuggled up to him. "What's wrong, Chief?" he asked with a sense of foreboding. Where had Blair's giggling and grins gone?

 

"It's just new, Jim. I'll get over it." Blair carefully rested his head on Jim's shoulder and curled one arm around his lover's chest. Hard muscle met exploring fingertips and again Blair wondered why Jim was attracted to him. Jim was so gorgeous, a prime example of man and he felt… //inadequate.// Yeah, he played basketball, loved sports, but his body would never show the fine muscle tone Jim possessed.

 

Jim pulled his lover closer, wrapping his arms around him. He listened to Blair's controlled breathing, but the fast heartbeat gave his lover away. He needed to do something before this turned awkward. His fingers gently massaged Blair's scalp and he kissed his lover's brow. "Love you, Chief."

 

"Love you too…"

 

Blair's chuckle surprised him. He could tell from the movement of Blair's head that the younger man was laughing against his chest. //That's better, everything is better than this damn nervousness!// Curious, he asked, "Why are you laughing, babe?"

 

"Us, Jimbo…" Blair's grin intensified hearing Jim's moan of disapproval at hearing that nickname. "We're mushy!"

 

"Mushy is good," Jim replied amused. "I love mushy."

 

"Jim…" Blair relaxed, getting used to the warm body pressed against his, but he was still cold.

 

Blair moved about and Jim moved with his lover. As Jim's hand slipped beneath the comforter it only encountered cold skin. "Blair?" Suddenly, icy cold feet were pressed against his. "Damn, you're cold!"

 

"I wouldn't mind you warming me a little…" Blair hesitated to add the term of endearment balancing on his tongue. He'd noticed Jim's need to call him nicknames and he didn't really mind, but… "Hot lips."

 

"Hot lips? That's all you can come up with?" Jim captured his lover's feet between his calves and tried to rub some warmth into the cold skin. "Want me to get another blanket?"

 

"No, don't get up. You're warm… my own portable heater," Blair quipped relaxed. "Jim, my eyes are dropping shut, man…"

 

"Then go to sleep, babe. I'll watch over you, keep you safe." Somehow the promise sounded hollow after failing to keep him safe only a few weeks ago. "No one's going to get close to you."

 

Blair smiled, already half asleep. Yeah, he could definitely get used to sleeping in Jim's bed!

 

///

 

Some time during the night Blair startled awake. Disorientated, he wondered what he was doing in a strange bed, but the night's events quickly returned. He managed to pry his head free and affectionately he looked up at Jim's face, still deeply asleep. The smoke poisoning was probably causing Jim's fatigue and his body needed the rest.

 

Blair didn't mind that his Sentinel remained asleep. It gave him the rare opportunity to study his lover. //My lover… still sounds strange. Who would have thought he would try to… seduce me. Hey, I don't know what else to call it!//

 

Jim's face was peaceful in sleep and Blair tried to remain as motionless as possible, unwilling to disturb his lover's sleep. //Definitely handsome…// he thought pleased. //That's why it's even more surprising that he wants me.// Dealing with unrequited love for three years had made him apprehensive. Something would go wrong and he would screw this up like he had his previous relationships!

 

That doubt, that insecurity nagged at him and he knew it was something he had to deal with, but… he wanted this to work and knowing he could mess up kept him alert. //Will never give you a reason to doubt my love, Jim. Will never be unfaithful.// He shivered, vividly remembering the vision in which their spirit guides had merged. Ever since that moment he'd felt this bond, but Jim's attraction to Alex had shattered his every hope. //And here I am… in his bed, in his arms and he told me he loves me.//

 

From the corner of his eye he caught a glimpse of Blackie who'd fallen apparently asleep as its eyes were closed. Fondly, Blair returned to study Jim's face. //My ever vigilant watchman!// he quipped privately. //Yeah right!//

 

Feeling safe and cherished in Jim's arms he closed his eyes and tried to go back to sleep, but something tugged him awake again. Something was wrong… definitely wrong.

 

//Danger!// The word flashed in his mind and his breathing quickened. //We're being watched!// he knew with certainty. He felt the intruding eyes, the loathsome presence. It was evil. Was it here to hurt them or just him?

 

A growl, low and filled with threat startled him. His skin turned to goose flesh and he forced himself not to jump out of bed. Should he wake Jim? Why hadn't Jim heard that growl in the first place?

 

Confused, he reacted instinctively, going into a trance to find the source of this disturbance. It wasn't even a conscious decision to return to the spirit plane, but for some reason he hoped to find the answer there.

 

Looking about, he only saw jungle. The black jaguar was nowhere in sight, nor was the wolf. He reached out for Incacha, but quickly realized he was alone. Why was it this dark? Where was the campfire? The moon? And why did he feel so alone?

 

Another growl made the hair at the back of his neck stand rigid. Danger! His instincts kicked in, realizing he shouldn't be here alone. Somehow it felt like Jim should be here too.

 

The sudden gust of wind alarmed him and he threw himself onto the grass. A shadow flew over him and something brushed his face, as he couldn't avoid the collision entirely. He winced as claws cut his skin. Droplets of blood dripped down his face. He wasn't safe here!

 

Looking over his shoulder to see who'd attacked him, he only saw a tail disappear into the jungle, leaving him behind. The animal that had tried to take him down had meant business. He touched the scratches on his face and knew he had to leave the spirit plane. Without protection he couldn't do anything, couldn't reach out or immobilize his assailant.

 

Still on all fours he pushed himself to his feet, but then collapsed onto the ground as dizziness overwhelmed him. Noise coming from the bushes alerted him that his attacker had returned. Frantically, he tried to think of a way to defend himself. "Incacha!" he whimpered. "I need you."

 

//The earth will open up for you, Inqucha…//

 

The earth? Confused, his hands clawed at the grass, wondering what the hell he was supposed to do. It was too late. His assailant leaped at him and this time he caught the feline eyes with his. Throwing himself onto the ground he yelped as the earth seemed to open, swallowing him, gently wrapping itself around him, keeping him safe.

 

Terrified, he struggled against the moist darkness. //Don't bury me alive!// he pleaded…

 

\-- You're home… Stay… let me soothe you... help you… will protect you… --

 

The words formed in his mind and they were like nothing he'd ever heard before. It wasn't Incacha. They formed deep within himself. Like he was the one speaking them, except that he couldn't speak. Moist earth caressed his lips, moulded itself to wrap itself around his body.

 

Suddenly, he realized that he still heard the enraged growls and the earth shifted again, offering him a peek at the animal pacing there. Hateful eyes lighted up in the darkness and Blair held onto the earth in his hands. The earth was his ally… his ally. It didn’t want to hurt him! The insight was sudden and total. Whatever was prowling and growling out there wouldn't get to him.

 

///

 

"What!" Jim woke with a snarl, flashing open his eyes. The first thing he noticed was Blackie awkwardly flying over the bed, cawing fiercely. Jim was tempted to open the loft window and throw it out… even though it could be Incacha's spirit guide!

 

Damn! He had been in the midst of a rather erotic dream in which Blair had straddled his hips, getting ready for some serious loving. //Blair…// The man in his arms was awfully motionless and worried Jim focused on his lover's heartbeat… much too slow!

 

Alarmed, he rolled Blair onto his back. "Blair? Chief?" Worried, he stared into Blair's open eyes, which blank expression frightened him. He gently rubbed his lover's skin, trying to reach him that way. "Blair? I need you!" Alarm slowly changed into panic, as he remembered Blair staring at the sky like that when they'd just carried him out of that fountain.

 

"Not again. Chief, don't leave me!" Part of him panicked, but the rational part already searched for an explanation. What was going on? Why was Blair non-responsive?

 

"A trance?" He nodded his head. Incacha had mentioned that Blair had gone into a trance when they'd been talking on the sofa. Had it happened again? Had it caught Blair in his sleep when he'd been unaware that it was happening? "How do I get you back?"

 

The crow landed on Blair's chest, gently tapping his beak against the young man's shirt. Jim focused on the bird. What if… "Incacha?" he ventured eventually.

 

//Go to him…//

 

Puzzled, Jim tried to understand what the Chopec was trying to tell him. "Want me to follow him onto the spirit plane?" He didn't get an answer and the crow flew back to the windowsill, seemingly expecting him to take action.

 

His hands touched Blair's brow, just like he'd done at the fountain. Stroking the cold skin he closed his eyes, concentrating on his animal spirit. "Take me to Blair," he instructed firmly. His breathing slowed down as the black jaguar appeared in his mind, running though the jungle and suddenly he was inside the cat's body. Running harder, faster to get to Blair.

 

Abruptly, he froze, sniffing the air. The scent that lingered in the dark night was familiar yet unknown… but definitely that of an enemy and he leaped onto the clearing. He caught the last sight of burning yellow eyes as the other feline disappeared in the tangled branches of the jungle.

 

Looking about he wondered where to search for his lover. His body changed and the black jaguar was gone, leaving him behind in his normal shape. It felt good to walk on two legs instead of four. "Use your senses," he chided himself. Blair was close, he smelled his Guide… but his lover was nowhere in sight. "Blair? Where are you?"

 

///

 

The words flowed through the loosened earth and reached Blair. //I've got to go back… have to go to him,// he told his savior. //Please?// He didn't even know whom he was addressing, maybe the spirit plane itself.

 

\-- You're safe now… go to him, Shaman. --

 

The words flowed into his mind and suddenly he could move again. His hands were buried in damp earth, but he dug a way out.

 

///

 

The earth moved beneath Jim's feet and quickly he jumped to the side, trying to assess what was happening. His eyes widened at the sight of hands digging themselves a way to the surface. "Blair!" he whispered, instinct feeding him the answer.

 

He kneeled quickly, using his hands to dig out his lover, who was dirty but apparently unharmed except for some scratches on his left cheek. "Chief, are you trying to give me a heart attack here?" Helping his lover back to his feet he took in Blair's dishevelled appearance. "Why are you here?" His fingers probed the extent of damage to Blair's face. The scratches were deep, but would heal. //Looks like… claw marks.//

 

Blair needed a moment to regulate his breathing. With firm strokes he removed the dirt from his… clothes? "Oh shit…" There was cloth wrapped around his waist and the body paint was back. Looking up at Jim he waved an accusing finger at the older man. "Don't laugh! At least you're still wearing your boxers!"

 

Relieved, Jim released a deep sigh. "The things you do to me, Chief… I don't even want to know how you ended up buried in dirt."

 

"That's no dirt!" Blair exclaimed, his tone almost raving, but then he abruptly stopped. "Something attacked me, Jim," he stated deadly calm. "It was a cat, big cat!"

 

Jim scanned their surroundings, dialing up his senses. "We're alone now."

 

"Now, yes! But not when I got here!" Blair walked over to a rock and sat down, carefully touching the scratches on his cheek, which were still bleeding. "Wish I still had my boxers…"

 

"Well, I like the body paint," Jim confessed, his tone light now that he couldn't locate a possible threat. "Wonder if it's edible…"

 

"Don't you dare!" Blair crossed his arms in front of his chest. "Great, how do I get rid of this body paint?"

 

"Wake up?"

 

Blair rolled his eyes. "Great suggestion!" But something told him that it wasn't an option yet. "Seriously, Jim. Something is trying to hurt us."

 

Jim was about to dismiss that statement when a ball of light appeared behind Blair. "Uhm, Chief? We've got company."

 

Blair sighed dramatically. "Jim. I'm not in the mood…"

 

"My children…" the voice definitely possessed a teasing tone.

 

That voice caused Blair to spin around and he caught the 'I told you so, but you had to ignore me,' expression on Jim's face. "Incacha," Blair whispered softly. The Chopec's appearance shouldn't surprise him.

 

"I can no longer help you," Incacha informed them and smiled at the crow sitting on his right shoulder.

 

"Don’t tell me," Blair stated fatigued. "Blackie?" He relaxed slightly when Jim's arm protectively folded around his waist. Maybe he should listen to Jim more often? "Looks like you were right, big guy," he admitted. Blackie's wing was no longer bandaged and Blair allowed the crow to settle down on his shoulder.

 

Jim felt strangely out of place. This was something between Incacha and Blair, but he sensed that his lover needed him. So he stayed at Blair's side.

 

Incacha approached them; his hand lovingly caressing a feather that his animal spirit had left behind. "But before I leave you," he smiled at Blair. "You did well, Inqucha. You trusted the earth to take care of you."

 

Blair couldn't help it and smugly corrected Jim again. "You see, earth, not dirt."

 

Exasperated, Jim dramatically raised his arms to the heavens. "Okay, earth!" He took a step away from Blair, sensing Incacha needed to talk to his lover. He watched them, approving of the fact that Incacha reached out and touched the scratches on Blair's face. It almost looked like Blair blushed, but the body paint hid it.

 

"You passed another trial. Two more will follow before you'll befriend all four spirits, but the earth and fire already obey you." Proudly, he reached for Blair's braid and twisted the feather deeply into the beads until it sat tight. As Incacha stepped away from the young Shaman, he cocked his head and bowed slightly.

 

"But you must be careful," Incacha continued; now addressing them both. "A disturbed spirit is trying to kill you, Inqucha. You must protect him, Enqueri."

 

"Against whom? Against what?" Jim asked worried. Blair had already hinted that there was trouble and Incacha now confirmed that.

 

"I can't tell you," Incacha said regretfully. "It will be your last test, Inqucha. I can't teach you any more. You're a Shaman."

 

Blair shook his head, "You're wrong! I know nothing! I'm only starting to learn!"

 

But the crow left his shoulder and returned to Incacha. "You're strong," Incacha told Blair, "and Enqueri will protect you when you venture into the darkness again. Do not come here on your own."

 

Resigned, Blair stared at the earth beneath his feet. It had saved him only moments ago. He understood the warning and realized that Incacha's mind was made up. The Chopec would leave.

 

"And you, Enqueri. A Sentinel must protect his Shaman. It's your duty."

 

"I understand," Jim said reverently. "I won't fail him again."

 

Pleased, Incacha nodded his head. The bond between them was forged and strong. He could no longer protect them. "You'll find your way," he promised them.

 

Jim averted his eyes as the white light flashed in front of him, but noticed that Blair stared right into it. He wanted to warn his lover, not wanting him to go temporary blind, but Blair only blinked his eyes and then looked at him.

 

"I'm scared, Jim."

 

The words tore at his heart. It wasn't like Blair to admit he was frightened, but everything had changed after the fountain. "We'll do this together," he promised. "Can you get us out of here?"

 

"Yes," Blair confirmed. "I only need to wake up."

 

///

 

A moment later both men sat upright in bed, holding hands and panting slightly from the intense experience. Jim spoke first. "You've got to be more careful, Chief."

 

"I know…" Blair released a strangled sigh and shivered violently. "I just never expected that attack."

 

Jim hated seeing the tremors that shook his lover's body and he pulled him close, warming Blair with his own body. Then he lay his lover down and covered them with the comforter. Facing Blair he spoke softly. "You got any idea who's after you?"

 

"I only saw a tail and big yellow eyes." Blair calmed down, softly caressing Jim's chest. He even grinned as his fingertips encountered an erect nipple. "It tried to knock me down. If the earth…" Suddenly enable to continue he buried himself deeper in Jim's arms. "If the earth hadn't opened…"

 

"Must be scary… having these Shaman powers all of a sudden," Jim summarized for his lover. "Promise me to try and get a hold on those trances."

 

"I'll try. I just never realized it was happening," Blair lifted his head. His left cheek stung ferociously. "Jim? Look at me?"

 

Jim elbowed himself into a sitting position, only reluctantly letting go of his lover. "Your face… The scratches are still there. How did you get them anyway?" Concerned, he leaned in closer. He'd seen shadows of claws on Blair's face while they had been on the spirit plane, but not as bad as these. "You're still bleeding."

 

"The claws hit me when I tried to duck," Blair explained and touched his cheek cautiously. This was a serious warning. "Looks like things from the spirit plane can injure us in real life too, Jim… I don't like this."

 

"I'll get something to clean that up." Jim slipped out of bed and quickly returned with the first aid kit. "If it hadn't been for your pet I…" Surprised, Jim looked about. "Incacha's spirit guide," and it still sat on the windowsill, watching his every move. "You got yourself another Blessed Protector," Jim pointed out to Blair.

 

"I can use all the help I can get." Blair sat upright in bed, resting his back against the headboard. "Do you really think Incacha is keeping an eye on me?" he asked, gesturing towards the quiet crow.

 

"I really do, Chief." Jim switched on the light, opened the first aid kit and took out what he needed. "Sit still, babe. This will sting, but we need to disinfect those scratches." As he gently tended to his lover's wounds he shook his head.

 

"What?" Blair bit his lip. His skin stung now that Jim cleaned it.

 

"How many times did you end up hurt since we're partners?" he said half in earnest, half jokingly. It worried him that Blair always walked away with injuries. //Not to mention he died as well!//

 

"I lost count," Blair replied as his body tensed. These scratches really burned! "But I'll never forgive you for laughing at me when that chopper took me to the hospital after we rescued Simon!"

 

Jim looked hurt. "Come on, Chief. It was the best way to get you out. If they'd taken you out by ambulance your leg would have throbbed all the way. There's no road up there!" He finished cleaning the scratches and put on some soothing balm. "You never forgave me?" he asked softly.

 

"Jim," Blair tried to smile reassuringly, but that smile turned into a grimace of pain. "I love you, but you can't deny you're a pain in the ass!"

 

Jim put the first aid kit onto the floor and cradled the man he loved in his arms. "There were too many times I could have lost you, Chief. We need to be more careful. The thought of losing you… I don't want to think about it."

 

Blair lifted his right hand and caressed his lover's face. "I'm not leaving you."

 

"You better keep that promise!" Jim's lips brushed his lover's, but pulled back, hearing the pained moan. "Those scratches really hurt, don't they?"

 

"They burn, man." Blair admitted. "And I'll keep my promise. I even came back from the dead for you, lover."

 

"Oh babe," Jim breathed touched. "Want to get some more sleep?"

 

"What's the time?"

 

"Seven in the morning. Simon told me I could come in late today. We don't have to get up. Later we can move your things back in." Jim moved Blair's body closer to his, allowing his right hand to move beneath the flannel shirt to caress his lover's skin. Steeling a glance down Blair's body he grinned. "Need help with that?"

 

Blair was just about to ask what he was supposed to need help with, when Jim's hand slipped passed the waistband of his boxers. Surrendering, he rested his head against Jim's chest, panting slightly at the unexpected touch. "Jim, I thought we were going to take… things… slow," he stuttered as agile fingers curled around his morning erection.

 

"This is taking things slow in my book," Jim quipped and uses hid other hand to remove his lover's boxers.

 

"Jim…" The name turned into a sigh as he closed his eyes and kicked off the comforter. Looking down Blair swallowed hard at the sight of Jim's hand stroking him. "This is slow?" he replied teasingly. He trembled as one of Jim's hands gently squeezed the full sac and he couldn't help but arch his back. "What about you?" he asked helplessly.

 

"Later… this is about you. Let me make you come, babe?" Jim leaned in closer to carefully claim his lover's lips, trying not to put any pressure on the scratches. "I want to make you come."

 

"Jim…" The sensation was exquisite and he whimpered as Jim increased the speed of his strokes, fisting his cock harder. "Jim, I'm about to…"

 

"Let go, Blair…" Jim stopped just long enough to breathe the words and then returned to explore that warm mouth. As Blair parted his teeth, he slipped inside, chasing his lover's tongue, roughly sucking its tip.

 

The stimulation was too much and Blair yelped as he came in Jim's hand, wildly pumping his hips in want. Jim had completely surprised him. "Jim?" Quavering, he relished the tremors that rocked his body. "Hardest I ever came," he whispered breathlessly.

 

Jim grinned smugly. "This will get even better, sweetheart," he whispered teasingly and ignored the muffled moan that left Blair's lips.

 

///

 

No ordinary love  
Part 2

 

Head bowed, Blair quavered as droplets of warm water cascaded down his body. He still couldn't believe the things that had happened these last 24 hours. Jim certainly hadn't wasted any time in getting what he'd wanted!

 

"Me, he wants me." The words were spoken in a soft tone filled with disbelief. Before he'd known what had been happening he'd been in Jim's bed. Well, involuntarily going into a trance during the night had been a real bummer, but it had clearly illustrated how much Jim loved him! The Sentinel had followed him onto the spirit plane!

 

And then… only an hour ago Jim had brought him to orgasm.

 

He rested his forehead against the tiles of the wall. That hadn't been according to plan. //Man, we really have to talk.// But in his heart he feared that Jim wouldn’t like what he would hear. But stalling wouldn't work either. He had to come clean now, before Jim wanted to take the next step.

 

"And this is slow to him," he muttered beneath his breath, flashing a grin.

 

"Chief? Breakfast's ready," Jim announced, listening in as he stood in front of the bathroom door. It irritated him that he couldn't make out Blair's whispered words. "Everything fine, Blair? You didn't go into another trance, did you?" How could he ever explain to Blair how much those trances worried him? He wasn't a Guide. He didn't know how to pull a Shaman out of a trance!

 

//Maybe I need to learn that. Learn how to do that for him?// Jim concluded and determination set in. If Blair could pull him out of a zone-out he could do the same thing for his lover.

 

"Just give me another minute, Jim…" Blair muttered, knowing that Sentinel ears easily picked up on his voice. Nope, stalling was no longer an option. He had to talk things through. //Great.//

 

Jim moved back into the kitchen and started to serve up breakfast. Bagels, cream cheese, bacon and eggs, toast, coffee and orange juice. Damn, he was hungry! His gaze traveled to Blair and he cringed mentally seeing the still healing cuts on his lover's face. But they would heal and hopefully they wouldn't leave any scars.

 

"I'm afraid I used up all the warm water," Blair said apologetically.

 

"It's okay. Sit down and eat. You look like you need the food." Jim dug into his bagel and watched his lover. Pleased, he noticed that Blair wore one of his shirts. Good, now his shirt would smell of Blair later when he put it on. That shirt wasn't going into the laundry any soon!

 

Blair forced himself to swallow a sip of orange juice. "Jim?" he started hesitantly, knowing he might fuck up with his confession. His fear of losing his newfound lover almost kept him back, almost.

 

"Yeah?' Jim noticed Blair's reluctance to eat and his lover's heartbeat was much too fast. As his eyes tried to lock with Blair's, he smiled fondly at his lover, who tried to push his hair behind his ear. Suddenly, the braid and feather stood out even more and he wondered about the changes Blair was going through. //He came through for me and stood at my side, he still does. I can do the same for him!//

 

"Can we… talk?" Blair emptied his coffee mug and leaned back, not feeling very hungry. Maybe he could eat something later once this giant knot in his stomach had disappeared.

 

"Always," Jim assured him, growing even more worried now. "Is this about the attack last night?" he asked softly. //And how I failed to protect you? Again?//

 

"No, I can deal with that." Blair eventually locked eyes with him. "It's about last night and this morning…" he said uncomfortably. //Oh shit, yes, I'm going to screw up…// but there was no way back.

 

"Chief?" Jim didn't really understand what Blair was trying to say. "Care to give me more details?"

 

"About my… nervousness." Blair bit his lip. He so didn't want to do this.

 

Jim swallowed hard. "I noticed that… and wondered why."

 

Blair nodded his head once. "Remember that remark you once made about me even jumping a table leg?" Blair fumbled the cloth of the shirt and averted his eyes. He had no idea how well, or badly Jim was going to take this.

 

"Yeah, I remember," Jim replied hesitantly. //What the hell is this about?// He reached over the kitchen table to squeeze his lover's hand, but was stunned when Blair pulled back. "Blair?" he whispered with sudden dread. //On no, can't be…// Terrifying images swirled through his mind.

 

"Did someone hurt you in the past?" Jim asked eventually, screaming 'no' with every fibre of his body. No, not Blair! Sandburg wasn't the type to put up with abuse… but what if it had happened while Blair had been only a child? The blood in his veins froze. During his time in Vice he'd seen too many cases of child abuse.

 

Blair raised a puzzled eyebrow at the sight of the terror in Jim's eyes and suddenly realized he'd pulled back from his lover's touch. "No, Jim, don't draw the wrong conclusions! Don't think like a cop!" he said pleadingly, knowing instinctively what was going on in Jim's mind. "Listen to me. It's not that bad… at least I don't think so… I hope so, that is." Okay, so now he was babbling!

 

Immense relief swept through Jim as Blair gently claimed his hand. "You're getting too good at giving me these heart attacks, babe." He wasn't sure his voice sounded steady, but he couldn't help it. For one terrible moment the most horrible images had washed through him.

 

"Jim, no one hurt me in the past… though this is tied to my past…" Blair wondered why the hell he even bothered to explain. He should have stayed quiet instead. "Remember my question about that table leg?" he started anew.

 

"Yeah, I should probably never have said that." Jim got to his feet, pushed his chair into position next to Blair's and sat down again, cradling his lover's hands in his and was relieved when Blair didn't seem to have a problem with it. He could tell this was tough on Blair.

 

"I never jumped it…" Blair whispered and rolled his eyes seeing Jim's puzzled expression. "What I'm trying to say is that… you know… I never did the deed, never went all the way with the girls I dated." He'd said it and now he watched Jim closely for a reaction, hoping Jim wasn't disappointed.

 

Jim's eyes grew big and he awkwardly cleared his throat. "Are you telling me that…"

 

"An old fashioned virgin, Jim," Blair supplied for him. "Always wanted to wait for the right person to come along." Noticing the disbelief on Jim's face he felt he had to explain. "You know Naomi…"

 

"Yeah, I do… what has she got to do with this?" His mind was still dealing with Blair's latest confession. Somehow it seemed impossible that Blair had never had sex… the man had dated enough women! And he'd cracked enough jokes about Blair getting laid during the three years they had been roommates and Blair had never once corrected him. Suddenly, Blair's voice called him back.

 

"Naomi has a lot to do with my decision to wait." Blair wondered how to make Jim understand and feared he would fail. "She's never had a committed relationship in her life, always travelling around, meeting people. Yes, she dates and yes, she had lovers but… she never committed to them."

 

Jim understood…slowly. "Go on, Chief."

 

"I don't even know for certain who my father is… and I don't want to make the same mistakes she made." Blair rubbed his lover's fingers, trying hard to keep focused. "So I decided not to have sex until I was sure I had met the right person. I don't want to get a girl pregnant and then discover 20 years later I have a son or a daughter."

 

Jim shook his head. "You could have used protection, Blair."

 

"But that's not a 100% guarantee and you know it." But he was still stalling.

 

"Chief, what is this really about?" Jim moved closer, cradling Blair's hands on his lover's knees. Looking at it in retrospect Blair's explanation made a lot of sense, but he realized his lover was still keeping back.

 

"When you entered my life 3 years ago I knew you were the only one for me," and he smiled weakly. "But you weren't interested so I tried to date. I didn't want to force myself onto you. It was so obvious that you didn't like men…" Blair coughed, trying to get the lump out of his throat. "And then Maya came into my life."

 

//Maya.// Jim rubbed his brow. He had really been stupid! "And?"

 

"I wanted to love her. Let you off the hook so to speak. I cared for her… maybe even loved her in a certain way… but you know things never worked out."

 

"I can still see you cry, Blair," Jim mumbled absentmindedly. "Wish I had taken that step to pull you into my arms to comfort you. Who knows what might have happened," he apologized.

 

"Nothing. You weren't ready for the truth, man," Blair lectured him.

 

"But I'm ready now." Looking Blair in the eyes he saw unshed tears.

 

"I want to commit to you, Jim, but I don’t know how to do that. This is uncharted territory for me." Blair lowered his eyes and concentrated on their twined fingers. "You've been my life for three years and I was your… shadow, working in the background. The only thing that matters to me is your happiness."

 

"Blair…" Jim reacted on impulse and pulled his lover into his arms. "I'm so sorry for taking you for granted."

 

"No, that's okay." Blair rested his head against his lover's chest. "My life belongs to you. It already did these last 3 years. You're my life and I don't regret a minute of it."

 

Jim fought his own tears hearing this shattering admission. How could he have been so fucking blind? And all this time Blair had been hurting! "I'll do anything to make you happy, Blair," he promised passionately. He felt the smile against his chest and pulled back to look at Blair's face. "So that's why you want to take things slow and I… Geez, I'm so stupid!"

 

"No, you're not," Blair raised a hand and caressed his lover's face. "I do want to make love with you, Jim… But I'm nervous and… this is new to me." His eyes pleaded for understanding. "I would never reject you."

 

But Jim determinedly shook his head. "You've always got the right to say no, Blair," he reminded his lover. "I must have freaked you out this morning," he realized suddenly, remembering Blair's hesitant reactions when he'd make his lover come.

 

Blair laughed warmly. "You didn't freak me out, Jim. That's impossible, but you might want to give me a warning when you make a move like that."

 

Jim marveled about this amazing man and realized the gift he'd been given. "We're going to make this special, babe."

 

"It already is, stud." He added the nickname to break the tension that had built between them and it worked. Jim's gentle laughter rolled over him.

 

"Stud… I like that one. And you set the pace, Chief," he decided. "And tell me to slow down when I got too fast."

 

"I will," Blair promised, "but maybe we could go back to kissing now?"

 

Jim didn't need further encouragement and claimed his lover's luscious lips.

 

///

 

"This is the last one," Blair informed his lover. The last box was in the truck and they were ready to move his stuff back in. He quickly thanked his fellow TA who'd agreed to store his stuff in the basement and then got into the truck with Jim. During the trip home he listened to soft music drifting through the car.

 

Jim concentrated on the traffic, but also peeked at his lover. He realized how badly he'd hurt Blair by kicking him out the way he had, but… "I couldn't talk about it, Chief."

 

"Huh?" Wondering what Jim was aiming at, Blair locked eyes with him.

 

"About shooting the wolf." Jim gripped the steering wheel harshly, almost trying to crush it. "I was afraid I was going to cause your death… and I did," he added after a moment's thought.

 

"Jim?" Blair waited until Jim's blue eyes met his. "We shouldn't do this. We should let the past rest, man."

 

"How can I?" Jim stated firmly. "I almost lost you, fuck no, I did lose you!"

 

"But you brought me back… Let it go, Jim." Blair squeezed his lover's knee. "Don't give Alex that much power."

 

"You're right, but…" Jim mentally prepared himself and said, "But I still remember the look on your face when you ran onto that beach and saw us kissing."

 

Annoyed, Blair tried again. "It wasn't your fault. It was a Sentinel thing you couldn't control."

 

"Maybe. I'm not that sure,"

 

Thankfully, they arrived at the loft and after parking the truck they carried the first boxes upstairs. Blair saw the weariness in his lover's eyes and realized he needed to act. "Put that box down," he ordered and pulled Jim with him onto the couch. "Sit and listen."

 

"Oh yes, mighty Sandburg," Jim quipped, trying to hide how miserable he felt.

 

"Look around, what do you see?" Blair gestured at the living room, the kitchen, and the bedroom…

 

"The loft," Jim replied puzzled.

 

"What I see is home. H.O.M.E."

 

"Thanks for spelling it out for me, Chief," Jim remarked, wondering where Blair was taking this. //I better not say that we entered the Sandburg zone… we have been in the Sandburg zone for three years…//

 

"I never had a real home," Blair admitted and tried to smile, but the scratches on his face still hurt. "You gave me a home when I moved in here…"

 

"You were only going to stay for one week," Jim remembered fondly. "I'm so glad you never moved out." A sting of guilt slashed through him. //No, I kicked you out instead! Shit, if this was home… // "I took that away from you."

 

"And you're giving it back to me now. Point is that we're moving on. You've got to let go of the past, Jim. You've got to let go of Alex, Sierra Verde. We got a second chance… we can't ruin that. Don't let Alex ruin it."

 

"My wise little Guide…" Jim said teasingly, completely understanding Blair. He had to stop dragging the past into the present.

 

Seeing that he'd got his point across Blair leaned back into the comfort of the couch. "Jim? You know what I want to do?"

 

"What, Darwin?" Jim sneaked a little closer, dying to brush his lover's lips.

 

"Go back to kissing on the couch…"

 

"We still need to get the rest of the boxes from the truck, put everything back in its rightful place..."

 

Disappointed, Blair cocked his head. "Later?"

 

"Later," Jim agreed. "We're going to do a lot of kissing on the couch later!"

 

///

 

"Where does this go?" Jim closely studied the tribal mask in his hand.

 

"The living room," Blair whispered after peeking out from his old room.

 

Jim looked up and gestured at the book Blair held in his hands. "Somehow it feels like we were destined to meet."

 

Blair nodded his head, stealing a glance at the picture inside the book, which he'd shown Jim a long time ago; the picture of a Sentinel. "Maybe it was." He shrugged his shoulder. "Considering everything that happened lately." Involuntarily his fingers moved into his hair to touch the braid. "I always dreamed this would happen."

 

"Discovering your Shaman powers?" Jim put the mask on the windowsill and walked over to his lover, enfolding him in a warm hug.

 

"Yes. Jim, about your visions…" he didn't finish the sentence, not wanting to sound… jealous.

 

"I haven't had any since we left Sierra Verde… only erotic dreams featuring you." Jim said and Blair blushed. Jim loved the sight. "You're so easy to embarrass," Jim stated fondly. "But at least I know now why you react like this."

 

Blair knew it was the wrong thing to say but couldn't stop the flow of words. "Do you have any doubts about… us?"

 

"No." Jim cupped the back of his lover's head in his hand and moved in for a kiss, a slow, sensual kiss.

 

Blair moaned at the touch of demanding lips on his. He leaned into the caress, wanting more, needing more.

 

Blair's tongue teased against his teeth, trying to get them to part and Jim allowed his lover entry, allowed Blair to take control of the kiss. He sensed Blair's surprise and grinned smugly. Engaging his lover's tongue in a duel Blair accepted the challenge. Blair's moan was the most exquisite sound he'd ever heard and he was hard within seconds, his erection straining against its confines.

 

Suckling Jim's tongue Blair tried to let go, to tell himself that this was it. Jim loved him and he wanted to make his lover happy, even if he wasn't sure he was ready to take this next step… but he had to.

 

Blair pushed hard and Jim dropped onto the couch, pulling his love with him. Jim moaned deliriously as Blair straddled his hips, deepening the kiss. "Babe…" Jim whispered into his lover's mouth. "Keep this up and I'm going to come in my pants." Blair's reaction was to pull back, looking deeply into his eyes and Jim knew something had happened. "What's wrong, Chief?"

 

"Can't believe I'm making you feel like this," Blair admitted, feeling his lover's cock pressed against his ass. "I never thought…"

 

Jim silenced him by pressing another kiss onto his lips. "I want you, Blair… always wanted you."

 

Blair laughed shyly. "Want me to make you come?" His breathing quickened at Jim's nod.

 

"Please." Jim lifted a hand to touch the curls, twining them around his fingers, playing with them. "But only when you're comfortable with this, babe."

 

"I'm not ready to go all the way yet if that's what you're talking about, but I want to touch you. Can I?"

 

"You don't have to ask, Blair." Jim quivered with delight as his lover's hand slipped underneath his shirt. He briefly closed his eyes, dialing up his sense of touch as Blair rolled one nipple between his fingers. "Blair…"

 

Relieved that he was doing something right, Blair unbuttoned his lover's shirt and it revealed a well-defined chest and washboard abdomen. "What did I do to deserve you?" he whispered absentmindedly, pinching one hard nipple. Jim arched underneath him and Blair leaned in closer, experimentally running his tongue over the hard nub of flesh.

 

"Chief…" Jim's eyes flashed open, realizing he was about to zone on the mere sensation of Blair's tongue licking his flesh. He dialed it down and whispered, "Do that again?"

 

Blair wickedly licked his lips and saluted him. "Yes, sir!" he quipped and let his instincts guide him. He pressed his lips against Jim's collarbone, licking, teasing and then moved towards the one nipple he'd neglected so far. As he closed his lips over it, he sucked gently and Jim immediately responded by grinding his groin against his ass.

 

"I'm starting to enjoy this," Blair whispered mischievously and ran his hands all over Jim's chest, teasing the sensitive skin with his fingernails. His only worry was that Jim might zone on him and… he didn't want to ruin this. "Are you dialing it down?"

 

"Don't worry about that, sweetheart…" Locking eyes with Blair he pulled his lover close enough to claim his lips, aggressively invading that warm mouth and exploring every inch of it.

 

Blair saw the need in his lover's eyes and slipped one hand down to unzip Jim's trousers. Suddenly feeling shy, he halted, but then pushed passed the waistband of the boxers. He hissed as his fingers closed around hard and slippery flesh. Pushing down the trousers he freed his lover's erection and set a slow rhythm stroking his lover's cock. Part of his mind registered that he held Jim's weeping cock in his hand and he couldn't help but be surprised at the measure of control he'd been given.

 

Jim arched his back, bucking against Blair's hand. "Faster…" he whispered softly, clutching Blair's head between his hands, trying to devour his lover's mouth.

 

Blair increased the speed, now roughly fisting Jim. He didn't even get the chance to tell Jim that he wanted this to last. Jim's tongue traced the inside of his mouth. He felt on fire as Jim's pre-ejaculate heavily dripped from the tip of his cock.

 

Jim didn't give his lover the chance to speak, forcing Blair to breathe with him and pushed against the hand that was bringing him closer to his climax. Damn, Blair was good at this! His body tensed as he reached orgasm, but he didn't release his lover's lips yet and moaned into Blair's mouth as his orgasm overwhelmed him.

 

Fighting for breath Blair tried to match his lover's passion and pushed him back into the comfort of the couch, sucking Jim's tongue hard. Suddenly, his lover's hot come hit his hand and he loved the way Jim's body twitched underneath him.

 

Jim finally broke the kiss, panting and staring into wicked blue eyes. "Fuck," he mumbled spent. "You're going to kill this old man!" Ignoring the stickiness dripping from his stomach he brought Blair in for another kiss. "I love you."

 

"Love you more," Blair teased softly.

 

"That's impossible."

 

"Let me clean you up."

 

Reluctantly, Jim let go of his lover and as Blair walked into the bathroom, he released a sigh. //Kid's a natural… those hands… those lips… that tongue!// He opened tired eyes as a damp washcloth touched his stomach. Only now he noticed Blair's smug grin and his dilated pupils and realized he was in for a very exhausting ride!

 

///

 

"Are you going in today? Simon might want to talk to you?" Blair inquired after changing his clothes. He was growing cold and had changed into a warm woollen sweater. A wicked thought washed through him and he couldn't resist making the pun. "Want me to 'come' along?"

 

Resigned, Jim shook his head. "Chief…" he whispered affectionately. "Come along. I love your company."

 

Delighted with Jim's teasing answer Blair hurried over to the door and opened it. "Age before beauty," he continued the teasing. This time Jim grumbled something intelligible. About to close the door, he was suddenly startled as Blackie settled down on his shoulder. Should he try to talk the bird out of joining them? Nay, he didn't stand a chance.

 

Jim climbed behind the wheel and arched an eyebrow at the sight of Blackie. "We've got company, Chief?"

 

"Yeah." Blair buckled up and shrugged his shoulders. "You know he's stubborn."

 

"Maybe there's a reason why he wants to tag along?" Jim wondered aloud, but he didn't get an answer.

 

///

 

Luckily, Blackie flew off the moment they left the parking lot, but that didn't reassure Jim. He was determined to stay close to his lover. They quickly made their way up to Major Crime and Jim distinctly heard the relieved sighs all around at him at the sight of his partner.

 

Joel was the first to walk up to them and he gently slapped Blair's back. "It's good to have you back, Sandburg."

 

"Thanks," Blair whispered softly and peeked at the others. Rafe waved happily at him and Brown grinned broadly. He'd scared the hell out of them when they'd found him in the fountain and felt guilty for doing so. "I'm just fine, guys," he reassured them and took his seat behind Jim's desk to go through the piled paperwork.

 

Jim leaned against the wall, watching his lover. Did Blair even realize how much these people cared about him? Somehow, he doubted it. He caught sight of Megan who strolled over to Blair. Jim clearly remembered the shocked, 'Sandy', which she'd whispered at the fountain.

 

"Hello Sandy," Megan greeted him and sat on the desk, waiting for him to look up. "Feeling better?" No matter how many years would pass by, she would never forget the moment Blair had come back to them. She had given up all hope and suddenly Blair had coughed up water, had breathed again. Deep down in her heart she knew it was a miracle he was still here. A miracle of love… Jim's love.

 

During their trip to Sierra Verde she had been worried for Blair. Maybe she shouldn't have agreed to let him tag along, but she'd feared that Blair would have found a way to get to Jim anyway. At least by keeping him close she had been able to watch him and she hadn't liked what she had seen. Hurt and pain, when Blair had realized that Jim was out of reach. But things looked okay now.

 

The smile on Blair's face warmed her heart and as she looked up at Jim, she saw a similar expression. Adding the fact that Simon had told her that Blair had moved back to the loft she reached the only logical conclusion; Blair and Jim had finally told each other the truth. She'd never doubted that the feelings were mutual

 

To be completely honest… if it hadn't been for Jim she might have made a move on Blair herself. But the bond between the two men had been visible from the start. It had hurt to see them drift apart because of Alex Barnes.

 

"Never felt better," Blair said and gave her a warm smile. "Everything worked out," he added, knowing she would understand.

Megan gently took hold of his hand and squeezed it. "You also told him about your visions? You promised." She didn't care that Jim heard every word she spoke.

 

"I told him, Megan." Blair squeezed back, his eyes thanking her for her support.

 

Satisfied, Megan got to her feet and strode over to Jim. "You better treat him right, mate," she warned him and with a grin she returned to her desk.

 

Amused, Jim nodded his head. "I will, Conner."

 

"SANDBURG! ELLISON! My office! NOW!"

 

"Simon bellowed." Jim straightened his back and walked over to his lover. "We shouldn't keep him waiting… judging from the tone of his voice…" Blair's smile surprised him. "What?"

 

Blair only shook his head. These last few days had shown him a side to Simon Banks he'd never known existed and with it had come a feeling of trust, of acceptance. He now knew that no matter how hard Simon yelled his name or glared at him that the captain secretly had a weak spot for him. At least he hoped so.

 

Praying that he wasn't wrong he followed Jim into the captain's office. Simon was behind his desk, smoking a cigar and sipping from his coffee. As Jim closed the door, he studied the captain, trying to read Simon's expression… and failed. Simon Banks had one hell of a poker face!

 

Simon leaned back and glared at the two men in front of him, detective and observer and so much more! "I take it you already started on the paperwork, Jim?"

 

"I was about to…" Blair interjected, but Simon's expression shut him up.

 

"Or would you like the weekend off, detective?" he addressed Jim again, clearly reading the frustration on Blair's face at being ignored.

 

"I would like that, sir… got a lot to do at the loft... we'll be busy all weekend." Jim realized the game Simon was playing and played along. "I still need to move Blair's stuff to the upstairs bedroom and there's the matter of all the artefacts he dragged into the loft."

 

Blair looked first at Jim and then focused on Simon, wishing he knew what was going on.

 

"New hairstyle, Sandburg?" Simon noticed the braid and feather and wondered what it was about. "And are you still chanting in your sleep?"

 

This time Blair moved forward until he stood in front of the desk. "Chanting?"

 

"Yeah, really worried me. The first night you spent at my place it woke me."

 

"Trust me, Simon," Jim interrupted, "You don't want to go there."

 

"As your captain I need to know everything," Simon reminded them. "Spill it, son," he said and looked into Blair's eyes. "What's happening to you?" The change was in the eyes, in the way Sandburg moved… The kid was a mystery, but still possessed that unearthly innocence that made him so special and Simon needed to see it, needed to know it was still there after the fiasco in Sierra Verde. He still marveled at the way Blair had touched so many lives here at Major Crime. Sometimes he wondered if they would still all be alive if Blair hadn't entered their lives…

 

"I'm just having some dreams. Nothing to worry about," Blair stuttered, feeling shy at Simon's obvious concern. "I still need to return your key to you," and he put the key on the desk. "Thanks for letting me stay."

 

Simon took another sip of his coffee and nodded approvingly. "You're always welcome, son."

 

Blair's brow grew knitted. Wasn't this the second time that Simon had called him son? He couldn't remember hearing the captain say that before.

 

Jim read the confusion on his lover's face, having heard it as well. He'd always suspected Simon cared more about Blair than the captain wanted them to know. And that was good. Blair needed friends and maybe even someone who was willing to give some parental guidance. God knew Naomi was never around!

 

And suddenly Jim realized that he blamed Naomi for the lack of trust Blair had in his friends. Hell, his lover had admitted to never having had a committed relationship. Technically, one could state that Naomi had never tried to build such a relationship with her son. //We're going to discuss this, Blair. You need to see that not everyone's going to leave you.//

 

Blair had told him bits and pieces of his life when he had been a kid and slowly Jim had realized how deeply moving about had affected his lover. It urged him to take a step closer to Blair and to rest his hand on the small of his lover's back. Blair looked over his shoulder, obviously surprised. Had Blair assumed Jim would hide their relationship? Deny their love? Maybe. Jim added it to the list of things they needed to discuss.

 

"There's something else."

 

Simon's voice pulled the two men back into the present and Blair waited patiently for Simon to continue.

 

"You left these at my place," and Simon produced a stack of pictures.

 

"I couldn't find them," Blair admitted, looking at childhood pictures, Naomi was missing, travelling without him.

 

"You were a cute kid," Simon commented, staring at the picture on top of the pile, showing a ten-year-old bundle of energy with naughty eyes and wild curls. "I looked through them," Simon admitted and hesitated.

 

Blair read the question in Simon's eyes, but didn't pretend to understand the captain's reasons. Slowly, he took hold of the picture on top and shoved it over the desk towards Simon. "That's what you want to ask me, isn't it?"

 

"God, yes it is!" Simon looked at Jim for clarification.

 

"Don't ask me how he does it. Sometimes I think he can read thoughts." Jim shrugged his shoulders. "I gave up."

 

"But why?" Blair needed the answer, fearing it as well as craving it. Why would Simon ask him for a picture? When he stared at that photo he only saw a geek none of Naomi's boyfriends had wanted to put up with.

 

Simon saw it all in Blair's eyes and knew what he needed to do. He owed the kid for all he'd been through with Major Crime. "I want to get it framed and put it up with the other family pictures on my wall."

 

"Oh," was all Blair managed and turned to Jim. "Can we go now?"

 

"Getting cold feet now that the mighty captain Banks pronounced you part of the family, huh?" Jim stated it jokingly, but then saw the hurt in his lover's eyes. The truth still had to kick in and it would, once they were at home and Blair had had time to think this over. "He likes you," he whispered, words only meant for Blair's ears. "Let him."

 

Blair was at a loss. "Want to type up some reports before we go home?" Home, the word made him feel weak inside. He finally had a home.

 

"We can do that Monday." Jim opened the door to let Blair pass and looked over his shoulder at Simon. They exchanged a glance filled with understanding and Jim followed his lover back to his desk.

 

"Jim? What's this?" Puzzled, Blair stared at the red envelope on Jim's desk.

 

"Did anyone see who delivered it?" Jims asked the other detectives, but they slowly shook their heads, having been too caught up in their own work. He wanted to tell Blair not to open it, but his lover already pulled out a piece of paper.

 

Startled, Blair dropped it onto the desk as if it had burned his fingers and backed away. The moment he'd touched that note a terrifying cold had gripped his heart.

 

"What is it?" Concerned, Taggart and Megan headed over to the desk.

 

"This is…" Blair's face contorted, reading the message.

 

It only took Jim a heartbeat to join Blair. He didn't touch the note, but read the message aloud. "You're going to die." Alarmed, Jim protectively pulled Blair behind him, sensing that this had upset his lover.

 

Blair's hissed remark chilled him to the bone. "That's blood, Jim."

 

"I know that," Jim agreed. "Major Crime received threats before." Looking at Blair he asked, "What's different this time?"

 

"It's written in blood. He killed this girl and used her blood to write this message…"

 

Blair's certainty briefly took him aback and he ignored the concerned stares Taggart and Brown gave Blair. Megan was already on her way to inform Simon. "How do you know that, Chief? Maybe he used his own blood?"

 

Determinedly, Blair shook his head. "I felt it when I touched the paper, Jim. She's dead and the killer... He's after you, Jim."

 

Jim didn't get a chance to try to reason with Blair because Simon suddenly appeared. Jim could tell from looking at the captain's face that something was wrong.

 

"People," Simon announced in a terribly calm tone, "we've got a situation. A patrol car just found the dead body of a young girl, her throat slashed."

 

///

 

No ordinary love  
Part 3

 

"Jim? Anything?" Simon didn't like this one bit and had decided to visit the crime scene himself. They'd found the girl's body at a run down part of the city, hidden in a dumpster in a dark alley.

 

Jim handed his captain a single black hair, already bagged for further investigation. "It's not the girl's and I smell something… I smell tobacco on her… like the cigars you usually smoke. I doubt she smoked them herself. Might be a clue to who the perpetrator is."

 

Simon nodded his head. "We'll run a DNA test on the hair. Hopefully, it'll give us more information to who this did." Simon's eyes shone with compassion as he looked at the murdered girl, who couldn't be much older than Daryl. "I hate cases like these, but it makes me all the more determined to catch the monster that did this." He walked towards his car, eager to let Forensics do the rest.

 

Jim agreed with his captain. The girl had still had a whole life ahead of her and some psychopath had slashed her throat. Although he recoiled at the horror of this crime the detective managed to stay rational and think logical. Was this the same blood as on the note they'd received? Maybe Blair… Blair! Damn he'd forgotten about Blair while concentrating on his senses, on finding evidence!

 

He quickly jumped to his feet, eyes already scanning his surroundings. "Blair," he whispered compassionately at the sight of his lover's paleness. Blair had already seen too many dead bodies in the three years that he'd been riding along.

 

"How can anyone do this?" Blair looked at him pleadingly. "I don't understand it. She was so young!" He collapsed against the wall. "Why?"

 

"Psychopaths don't think like we do, Chief," he offered sincerely. "You should know that. Remember Lash? Kincaid?"

 

Blair shivered at the mention of those names. "Yeah, but… she was defenceless! What could she have done to…?" His voice trailed off. A pool of blood had formed underneath her body and her dead eyes stared blindly at the sky. "Jim, can we leave this place?" His breath came in spurts and he sighed hearing Blackie caw. When had the crow returned?

 

"We're done here, buddy. Let's go." He understood how Blair felt; he'd experienced the same sadness as his eyes had searched the corpse for clues. "Let's go back to the precinct."

 

"Jim?"

 

Blair took one step, but Jim was confused when the younger man moved closer to the body instead of away from it. "Blair?"

 

Blair fell onto his knees, bowing his head. He didn't know what was happening, all he knew was that he had to do this. Jim's voice no longer penetrated his mind and his eyes closed, feeling an echo of the girl's life, which still lingered, reluctant to leave. "So young," he whispered. "She was in love for the first time in her life… Her name was Mary… Mary Blackstone…"

 

Jim quickly sat on his heels; ignoring the stares the rest of the cops gave them. "Chief, don't go into a trance. Not now," he pleaded and yet he memorized each bit of information Blair was giving him, never doubting its authenticity. He was relieved when Blair's blue eyes met his. Not a trance?

 

"The man who did this… she didn't know him. He pulled her into this alley…" Blair cocked his head and Blackie stared back at him. "He used her blood to write that message. She was nothing to him. He did this to get his message across and he's coming for you, Jim."

 

"Chief, you're scaring me," Jim admitted as his skin turned into goose flesh. Blair's voice sounded different, old. "Can you tell me who did this?"

 

"She didn't know him… All I see is a tall man… and he's wearing a ski mask. She never saw his face… shit…" he doubled over, wrapping his arms around his waist. "What did I say? What am I doing here…?" Suddenly, he realized how close her dead body was and frantically he stumbled to his feet.

 

Jim offered him all the support he needed and guided him back to the truck. "Stay here, Blair. Don't leave the car…" and then remembered the explosion in the bank. He'd vowed to never again order Blair to stay put. "Or come along. I'll be back in a moment."

 

Blair nodded his head, taking slow deep breaths to steady himself. After Jim left his side he tried to remember what had happened. Last thing he remembered was asking Jim to leave this godforsaken place and the next thing he knew was that he was down on his knees next to the corpse. That was definitely not good. Had he blacked out? What if Jim had zoned, had needed him and he hadn't mentally been 'there'? No, not good all.

 

He watched Jim talk with a uniformed officer. Right now he would sell his soul to have Sentinel hearing, just to know what they were discussing, but it didn't work that way. The cop wrote something down in his notebook, nodded his head and Blair felt relieved when Jim started for the truck.

 

Jim opened the door and slid behind the wheel. He'd told them to check on a Mary Blackstone, convinced Blair had picked something up earlier. "Are you okay, Blair?" he inquired passionately, disliking the haunted expression in the blue eyes.

 

"No, I'm not…" Blair admitted within a heartbeat. "I hope they'll catch the monster that did this."

 

Jim started the engine and drove back to the precinct. "Do you really think it's her blood on the note?" He'd noticed the puzzled stares Brown, Rafe, Taggart and even Simon had given Blair. They had succeeded in keeping Jim's Sentinel abilities a secret for these passed three years, but Blair couldn't hide his new abilities that well. They might have to confide in their friends. Simon had probably figured things out and Megan… Yeah, Megan probably knew too, but the others?

 

"What happened to me, Jim?" Blair fidgeted with his coat. "Last thing I remember is heading for the truck."

 

"Guess you went into another trance…" Jim concluded. "You were coherent and you told me the girl's name."

 

"Oh," Blair sighed softly. "What else did I say?" Why didn't he remember?

 

"You told me that this guy is after me." Jim shut down the engine and sat quietly behind the wheel. They were back at the precinct and had to go back in there, hoping that Forensics had found clues to who'd committed this murder. "Tell me, Chief… what do I do?"

 

Blair licked his lips, feeling strangely clueless. "I don't know."

 

"I mean, what do I do when you go into a trance?" Jim clarified his question, turned in his seat and stared into Blair's eyes. "How do you pull me out of a zone out?"

 

"Can't explain really," Blair whispered lost. "I don't have a manual. I make things up as I go along."

 

Jim's respect and admiration for his lover grew. Blair had saved him from insanity three years ago and had been flying on instinct with this. "You're doing a great job, Blair."

 

"Thanks, man."

 

Jim claimed his lover's right hand and rubbed the knuckles. "Let's nail the son of a bitch who killed the girl?"

 

"Yes," Blair stated firmly. "We'll find him."

 

///

 

As they entered the bullpen the place was full of activity. Detectives tried to follow up on leads, talked to Forensics and searched the files for perps that were on the street again. It was obvious that this murder had touched them deeply.

 

The note was no longer on Jim's desk and as Blair dropped onto the chair, he tried to remember what he'd told Jim about the victim, but his mind was blank now.

 

"Hey, Sandy!" Megan walked over to them and dropped a file onto the desk. "Seems you were right. The girl's name is Mary Blackstone. She left home two hours ago to get some groceries. She was 16." Concerned, she watched as Blair picked up the file to read it. "How did you know?"

 

Jim considered taking her arm and escorting her back to her own desk, but Blair's expression told him to let her stay.

 

"I don't even remember telling Jim."

 

Surprised, Megan moved closer. "You know… I met an Aborigine once who had the same gift. He helped us track down a kidnapper. His visions were a great help."

 

"So that's why you accepted the psychic crap?" Blair smiled at her. It hadn't taken Megan long to find out the truth about his Sentinel. Passing Jim's abilities for psychic had only worked for a few weeks.

 

"Yes," she admitted. "Just don't let it mess with your head," she adviced softly and shot Jim a glance, telling him he should take his partner home.

 

Jim stood behind his lover and gently massaged the tense muscles. Blair bowed his head to give him better access and Jim smiled. He noticed the amused looks he was getting. No way they could have kept their love a secret! "We'll write the report and then go home."

 

Blair sighed his approval. "I'll type the report. Why don't you try to find out if they found a DNA match? That hair you found is our only clue so far."

 

Megan was amused to see Jim obey without giving it a second thought. As Jim headed over to Forensics, she leaned in closer and whispered, "You already got him trained."

 

Blair laughed. It was the first time the image of Mary's dead body was pushed into the back of his mind. "Don't tell him that."

 

Megan smiled warmly and returned to her desk.

 

Blair dropped the file onto the desk and rubbed his temples. A sense of danger was all around him and it was aimed at Jim. He had to stop this killer, but… how?

 

///

 

"You want dessert?" Jim worried about his lover. Blair had been quiet since they'd got home, mentally preoccupied with the murder. "Blair? Babe?" He sat on the arm of the couch, trying to catch Blair's eyes.

 

"No, no dessert," Blair whispered eventually. "Jim, come here," and he pulled his lover onto the couch next to him. Within seconds he snuggled up to him. "I can feel it."

 

"Feel what?"

 

"The danger… the threat."

 

"I already checked the lock and the windows. No one can get in here without me hearing it," Jim tried to reassure him. He folded his arms even tighter around Blair and asked, "You're scared?"

 

Blair considered the question. "For you, yes."

 

A lump formed in Jim's throat. Always for him. "Nothing bad is going to happen."

 

Blair cradled his lover's hand in his and pressed a kiss onto the back of Jim's hand, so much larger than his own. "We'll have to look out for each other," he said eventually. "I won't be much help when I go into a trance while the killer is threatening you."

 

"Hey, I'm your 'Blessed Protector', lover," Jim said determinedly, but couldn't help feeling equally worried. Blair needed cheering up and… "And you're my 'Blessed Protector'. You'll keep me safe." That remark had the desired effect. Blair questioningly looked up at him. "You saved my life first, Chief."

 

Blair searched his memory, but came up empty. "And that was when…?"

 

"The truck? After I visited you at Rainier and slammed you against the wall? You were annoying as hell!"

 

"I still am!" Blair maintained mischievously. "So I'm your 'Blessed Protector' now?"

 

"Blair, I never really said this, but you saved my life more times than I can count." Pleased, he noticed the stunned expression on Blair's face. //He never saw that one coming!//

 

"We always took care of each other," Blair admitted. "I was just so sacred that someone was going to kill you. Looking back I can't believe I did all those things to save your ass."

 

"But it's a fine ass!" Jim said jokingly.

 

"Wouldn't know," Blair played along. "Haven't seen it yet." He caught the wicked look in Jim's eyes and knew he was in trouble. "I never said that."

 

"Too late, Darwin!" Jim wondered where to take this. They needed to distance themselves from the case.

 

"And don't call me that! What is it with you and nicknames anyway? Darwin? Chief?" Blair loved the verbal bantering, needing it like the air he breathed.

 

"My little guppy," Jim added and caressed the curls that teased his skin.

 

"Don't say that!" Blair couldn't hide the smile.

 

"Okay, Junior."

 

"That's… low…" Blair breathed, choking back his laughter.

 

"Not as low as…" Jim paused to increase the tension, "Hiawatha. I still see you holding that spear, trying to kill off a poor fish!"

 

Blair smiled, remembering that fishing trip. He felt relaxed and safe; maybe safe enough to tell Jim some stuff he still had nightmares about? Looking up at Jim he knew this man would fight until his last breath to keep him safe.

 

Jim wondered about the sudden thoughtful look in his lover's eyes. "What's wrong, Blair?" and stopped teasing him.

 

"There are some things I don't want you to call me," Blair started in a soft tone, but he knew Jim's Sentinel hearing picked it up. "Bad memories, you see."

 

"Tell me, Chief." Jim understood and valued the trust Blair was giving him. Yes, Blair talked and talked, but rarely volunteered personal information. He'd used this technique himself to keep people at a distance, to stop them from finding out why he was hurting and knew it was a big step for Blair to confide in him.

 

Blair felt relieved, seeing true understanding in his lover's eyes. "Don't call me… Hairy Blairy, okay?" He shivered in Jim's arms as he revealed one of his fears. "I still have nightmares about that one."

 

"Lash," Jim whispered softly. "I heard him call you that when I was moving in." Again, this reminded him just how many times Blair's life had been in danger. "He was evil, Blair."

 

"He wanted to be me, Jim," Blair said softly, cuddling up to his lover. "Why would anyone want to be me?" he whispered inaudibly, hoping Jim's ears didn't catch it. Bad luck.

 

"You're one of the smartest people I know, Blair. Definitely the cutest and sexiest anthropologist I've ever met. You're a good person, Blair and I love you."

 

That admission silenced any questions Blair might still have. "Funny… I don't feel like that person you just described." Only after those words had left his lips he realized what he'd just confessed to Jim.

 

"Don't," Jim placed a finger on Blair's lips to silence him. He'd suspected for a long time that Blair suffered from low self-esteem, but hearing it was something completely different and he wondered about its origin. "I love you. I love you just the way you are, Blair. You're smart, witty and absolutely beautiful and I'll repeat it any time you need to hear it."

 

"Thanks, Kojack," and he teasingly ran his fingers through Jim's brush cut.

 

"Hey, I'm not bald yet!" Jim brushed his lover's lips. "Anything else?"

 

"Mr. Natural." Tremors ran through Blair's body.

 

"I've never heard that one," Jim muttered, searching his memory.

 

"Kincaid," Blair revealed and swallowed hard. He didn't really want to go there, but he'd opened the door…

 

Anger rose in Jim's throat and he managed to whisper, "I wish he had never gotten his hands on you. You had nightmares about him for a long time," he remembered.

 

"You listen to me sleep?" Blair realized surprised.

 

"It's hard not to listen." Jim pulled Blair closer until his lover straddled his hips, pulling the warm body against his, just holding Blair. "I need to know you're close, safe. You make me focus. It makes me feel in control of my senses."

 

"I never knew that." Blair couldn't hide his surprise.

 

"And you still have the occasional nightmare about Kincaid… what are they about?" He told himself to proceed with caution. Blair was opening up to him, but that didn't mean Blair would also share his fears.

 

Blair chose his words carefully. "He put a gun to my head, Jim."

 

"That happened before." Jim remained calm, cringing, wondering just how many times Blair had been threatened.

 

Blair realized he wasn't getting out of this one and said, "I saw this gleam in his eyes, Jim and it was only there when he looked at me."

 

Jim's heart missed a beat. "Why did he take you with him when he tried to get away with the chopper?"

 

"I don't want to know." Blair hid deeper in Jim's arms. "I don't want it to have a name."

 

"But you must face it if you want those nightmares to stop."

 

"I don’t have them that often anymore," he chided Jim, hating this particular subject.

 

"Blair?"

 

Blair cringed. Jim wasn't letting go. "It felt like he wanted me… you know… sexually." There, he'd finally admitted it and it felt surprisingly good to spit it out.

 

"Did Kincaid… touch you?" Jim held his breath.

 

"He tried to kiss me once," Blair said calmly. "But the chopper arrived and we had to move."

 

"God help me if I ever get my hands on Kincaid…" Jim hissed through clenched teeth.

 

Jim's reaction surprised Blair. "Jim, he didn't have the time to do anything."

 

"What if I had been too late to jump onto that chopper?" Suddenly, the impact of Blair's words fully hit him. "Blair…"

 

"Jim, it's okay. Look at me!" His hands clutched Jim's face, forcing his lover's eyes to meet his. "You're overreacting! Normally I'm the one who does that."

 

"This is about you, Blair. The man I love." Jim's voice softened. "Got any more skeletons in that closet, Chief?" He didn't want to make the mistake of using a nickname that could bring back bad memories.

 

"I should never have told you," he sighed, seeing the anger in Jim's blue eyes. He'd never wanted to upset his lover.

 

Jim gave him a stern look. "Just tell me."

 

"No, Jim, nothing else… But I liked it when you called me Sparky." He desperately wanted to do away with that anger and recapture the carefree bantering.

 

"Ah, the toaster," Jim remembered and laughed. "I like Darwin." He brought Blair in for another kiss, twining strands of long hair around his fingers.

 

"That's professor Darwin for you!" Blair teased him and parted his teeth, eager to feel more of Jim and he pressed his body against his lover's.

 

"More kissing on the couch?" Jim laughed warmly, happy to see that the earlier gloom in Blair's eyes was gone. "There's a Jags game on later. Want to watch?"

 

Blair gave in happily. "As long as we don't have to move away from the couch and continue to kiss." Every distraction was welcome as long as he didn't have to remember Mary's dead eyes.

 

///

 

After the game Jim called the precinct, eager to find out if the hair he'd found at the crime scene had provided them with more information.

 

Blair watched him from the couch. Although the loft was warm, he felt cold and shivered. The moment Jim put down the phone he asked, "And? Any news?"

 

Thoughtfully, Jim returned to the sofa and placed Blair's cold feet on his knees, rubbing them absentmindedly. "They're still going through the files. We can use the DNA to nail the perp if he's got a criminal record."

 

"What if he's never been booked?" Blair hoped the perp wasn't a stranger. "He's after you, Jim."

 

"But why? What's my connection to him?" Jim carefully massaged his lover's cold feet. "Why come after me? How do you know he's not after another detective in Major Crime?" He looked at Blair. "Maybe it was just coincidence that it ended up on my desk?"

 

"No, it wasn't. Believe me, he's after you."

 

"I made enough enemies being a cop, but… why kill an innocent girl?"

 

Blair sighed, savoring the fact that his feet finally felt warm. "Maybe from your time in Covert Ops?"

 

"You're not supposed to know about that," Jim reminded him teasingly. "But I'll be ready." He didn't plan on going to bed tonight without his gun.

 

Blair wasn't that sure. "This guy doesn't have a conscience. He kills because it's in his blood."

 

"Ever thought of becoming a Profiler?" Jim asked him in earnest. "You think that you know how this guy thinks?"

 

"I do… I felt… an echo of him when I held that note in my hands. Not something I ever want to feel again." Blair looked at Jim's hands, trying to forget that terrible cold he'd felt.

 

"Are you telling me that if I gave you back that note you'd be able to tell me more about this perp?" He didn't really like this idea, but they needed all the help they could get.

 

"I don't know," Blair avoided answering that question. "But I got the distinct impression that he knows you personally."

 

"We'll have to wait for that DNA match, Chief. We should get some sleep. Tomorrow will be a busy day. I'll have to go in early. Are you coming in with me?"

 

Blair hesitated. His classes didn't start until Monday and yes, he could go in with Jim, but…"Jim, we never talked about…"

 

"About what?"

 

"Do you want to hide our relationship? I would understand, you know. Can't be easy being labelled a gay cop."

 

"I wanted to talk to you about that," Jim ran his fingertips down Blair's ankle and heard the sharp intake of breath. He planned on discovering Blair's sensitive spots and it looked like he'd already found one. "I don't want to hide a thing. If people can't deal with it, it's their problem."

 

Blair could hardly believe those words. "You sure? I've grown used to being called a fag behind my back, but I don't want you to go through that too."

 

This was new to him and Jim immediately asked, "Who called you a fag?"

 

"Does it matter? Face it, Jim. The way I look people think I'm gay anyway. It's no big deal. It's their loss, but…"

 

Jim felt fiercely protective of his lover. "I better not hear anyone calling you that, or…"

 

Blair heard the unspoken threat. "Come here and kiss me, Jim."

 

Jim didn't waste any time and claimed Blair's lips.

 

///

 

Jim made one last tour to inspect the locks and windows. He had something very valuable to protect and no one would get close to Blair if he could help it. As he climbed the stairs to the upstairs bedroom he wondered about Blackie who hadn't returned yet. Had Incacha's spirit guide left them? He hoped not.

 

His breath caught as he walked into the bedroom. Blair was already in bed and even in the darkness he saw the soft expression in his lover's eyes. "Are you cold?" he asked thoughtfully, remembering how Blair had shivered last night.

 

"A little," Blair admitted, "Come and warm me, Jim." He fought hard to keep the nervousness out of his voice. Why couldn't he control it?

 

Jim had already registered the fast heartbeat and pulled a blanket from underneath the bed and covered the foot end of the bed with it. "Better?"

 

Blair smiled. "It'll be even better when you take me into your arms!" Blair whispered. //Mushy, Blair! Very mushy!//

 

Quickly, Jim removed his clothes, folding them neatly and placing them onto the chair. Blair's clothes were all over the floor, but he didn't bother to pick them up. Blair was cold and needed him. But there was one more thing they had to address. As he slipped beneath the covers he asked, "What if you go into a trance while you're asleep?" Blair immediately moved into his arms and the heartbeat grew steadier.

 

"You'll just have to follow me in like you did last night."

 

"This time Incacha won't be around," Jim warned him and held his breath as Blair turned onto his other side, allowing Jim to spoon behind him. His blood thundered in his veins as his groin connected with Blair's ass. He pulled his lover close to his chest and wasn't surprised when Blair fit perfectly in his arms.

 

"I know that. I'll be careful. Hold me?" Blair bit his lower lip, slightly embarrassed to feel Jim's erection pressed into his ass. "Jim? Do you ever… fantasize about our… first time together?" It had haunted him ever since Jim had confessed his love.

 

"Do you?" Jim whispered the words into his lover's ear. He deeply inhaled the lingering scent of shampoo, tasting Blair's real scent beneath it.

 

Blair laughed nervously. "I don't have that much experience, remember?"

 

Jim understood. "You want to know how it'll be like?" It was only normal Blair was worried, having no point of reference. "I'll tell you and then you'll go to sleep," he stated.

 

"I can live with that," Blair muttered in a shy tone. His body trembled, wondering what Jim wanted their first time to be like.

 

"First, we'll take a shower and I finally get to wash your hair."

 

Blair immediately interrupted him. "My hair?"

 

"I love your hair, don't you know that? It has so many shades of brown, gold and red… I like the way the wind moves through it… I love it when you wear it down… I always fantasized about running my fingers through these curls."

 

Blair couldn't believe he was really hearing this. "My hair? Do you know how many times I wanted to cut it?"

 

"Why?" Jim asked alarmed. It would be an eternal sin to cut that lovely hair and he buried his face in it, loving the way it teased his skin.

 

"What are you doing?" Blair wondered and suddenly realized Jim rubbed his face in it.

 

"Don't ever cut it, babe." Jim rested his head on the pillow, gently blowing into the locks. Blair shivered; good.

 

Secretly, Blair smiled. //He loves my hair?// He'd never suspected that, assuming Jim would prefer to have a partner with a brush cut. "Your fantasy?" he reminded his lover.

 

"Don't keep interrupting me, my little guppy," he added teasingly and Blair's body shook with laughter. "I love hearing you laugh. But, back to my fantasy. After washing your hair, I drop to my knees and run my tongue along your inner thighs, smelling your arousal, but not yet touching your cock." He hoped the words had hit bull's eye and judging from Blair's little yelp, they had. "That got you hard, Chief?"

 

Blair quavered and remained quiet. He wouldn't give Jim the satisfaction of knowing he was right.

 

"After exploring every inch of your body with my tongue and hands I lick the tip of your cock. I gently massage your balls and run a finger up your…"

 

"Don't say it!" Blair mumbled feverishly. "Just don't go there…"

 

Jim grinned. "I thought you wanted to hear my fantasy?" He tried hard to give his voice a sulking tone.

 

"You're only making things worse!" Damn, now he was hard! When would he learn to keep his mouth shut?

 

Jim decided to stop the teasing, vividly remembering Blair's confession earlier. //Take things slow! Don't scare him off!// he chided himself. To make up for his lack of finesse, he nuzzled Blair's neck, softly kissing the sensitive skin. His teeth scraped along Blair's collarbone and tremors rocked his lover's body. "Try to get some sleep, babe?"

 

Relieved and disappointed at the same time, Blair grabbed Jim's arm and pulled it to his chest, feeling safe in the embrace. "Maybe you can tell me the rest of that fantasy tomorrow?"

 

//He's trying, trying hard,// Jim realized, but he also felt relieved that Blair protected his personal boundaries, not saying yes just to please him. "You're safe, Blair. I'm at your side."

 

Blair closed his eyes and gave into sleep.

 

///

 

The first thing Blair noticed was that he wasn't in Jim's bed any longer. "I don't want to be here," he whispered annoyed. The dark jungle was silent and he wished Incacha were here to guide him. "How can he say that he taught me everything I need to know?" he raved privately. "I don’t know a thing!"

 

He grew silent again, not wanting to let a possible enemy know that he was here. //Jim, buddy, please…// He needed Jim, needed him to watch his back. //I'm not supposed to be here alone, Incacha said so!// But he was here and Jim was nowhere in sight. Thankfully, neither was the predator that had attacked him last night.

 

//Why am I here? I really need to find a way to control these trances.// Blair moved through the jungle, careful not to make any noise. //And where's your spirit guide when you need it?//

 

Unexpectedly, the clouds drifted apart and revealed a full moon. Blair stared at it in open admiration. He'd seldom seen something this pure, this…

 

A twig broke in two underneath his feet and he froze in his tracks. //Jim? I need you, man.// But did Jim hear him? Could he reach out to his lover while he was on the spirit plane? He didn't really have a choice.

 

After a while he entered a clearing and he sat down underneath a tree. A warm and gentle breeze caressed his skin and he almost let down his guard… //Don't do that! You know you're not safe here!// he chided himself.

 

He closed his eyes, still listening to sounds emanating from the jungle and tried to picture Jim in his bed, curled around him, holding him. "Jim, I need you. Please, listen to my voice, hear me. I need you!" His voice grew unsteady and he could only hope Jim had heard him. Looking about, he frantically searched for his lover, but he was still alone. "Jim… please!" he tried again.

 

A growl coming from behind him startled him and he quickly got to his feet. With his back against the tree he didn't stand a chance and he quickly moved away from it. He had to use the jungle to his advantage. Underneath his feet the earth trembled, reminding him that he wasn't alone.

 

"Underneath my feet?" Blair stared down his body. He was back in the loincloth and wearing body paint. Why did it surprise him? He should know better by now!

 

The growl sounded again, low and guttural and he recognized it from last night. A moment later, venomous yellow eyes stared at him from between the leaves. "Jim!" he cried out in fear, realizing that the predator stalked him, moving with him.

 

He couldn't take the risk of getting injured here! The scratches on his face still caused him discomfort. Slowly, he picked up a large branch to defend himself. He doubted it would do any good, but he couldn't go down without fighting.

 

The large cat jumped, leaving its hiding place and the branch dropped from his hands. He froze at the sight of the spotted jaguar. This couldn't be happening! Realizing he'd dropped the branch, he tried to duck, but suddenly a second jaguar appeared, standing defensively in front of him. The black jaguar's eyes simmered in the darkness and Blair sighed relieved, recognizing Jim's spirit guide, but would it help him?

 

Blair leaned heavily against a tree and watched the two cats circle each other. "Can't be happening…" he whispered lost and wiped away the tear that escaped his eyes. Alex shouldn't be here, couldn't be here!

 

The black jaguar studied his opponent, feeling distinctly confused. Then his eyes drifted back to the Shaman who'd called him. He felt torn and his eyes flashed from one to the other.

 

Blair finally found the courage to speak. "Jim? I know you can hear me. Please don't do this," he pleaded. "Don't leave me again."

 

The black jaguar's ears twitched and he looked at the Shaman, suddenly seeing Blair, seeing the truth.

 

With resigned eyes Blair witnessed how the black jaguar morphed into Jim. His lover was naked and he couldn't stop staring at the magnificently built man, but was Jim still his? Feeling alone and depressed, he stared at the spotted jaguar.

 

///

 

No ordinary love  
Part 4/5

 

The expression in Blair's eyes almost broke Jim's heart. After all the talking they'd done, after showing his Guide how much he was loved, Blair still didn't believe him. Jim had really hoped he'd gotten through to his lover. //Looks like I need to prove it to him…// and could he blame Blair? Letting Alex influence him had almost devastated their relationship.

 

Jim's eyes drifted away from his lover and came to rest on the spotted jaguar. It growled madly at being denied. Alex… She was back and once again trying to kill the man he loved, but he would stop her. This time he wouldn't fail Blair.

 

"Jim? I know you can hear me. Please don't do this," Blair pleaded. "Don't leave me again."

 

Blair's whispered words pulled Jim from his musings. Leave him? How could he ever leave Blair? He needed to act and started towards Blair, never taking his eyes off the spotted jaguar that kept closing in on them. He felt her rage at being denied, at being stopped, but he wouldn't give in, never again!

 

"Blair? Chief? What's going on?" Finally, he reached Blair's side and quickly curled an arm around his lover's waist. "This is probably not the right time to tell you, but I love the jungle look."

 

Blair released the breath he had been holding. Jim had come to him, hadn't gone to the spotted jaguar. Jim's arm was folded around his body! A terrible burden fell from his shoulders and he managed a tiny chuckle at hearing Jim's remark. Briefly, he forgot the spotted jaguar and mumbled, "You don't look too bad yourself and yes… it's a fine ass."

 

Jim nodded and laughed, still keeping an eye on their enemy. Their bond was still strong and Blair had dealt successfully with his momentary relapse. The trust and love that bound them was back. "What's she doing here, Blair?"

 

"I have no idea…" Blair tried to find a satisfactory answer. "Alex's still alive… Maybe she regained control over her senses?" he offered.

 

"And then decides to kill you again? No fucking way!" Jim exploded and bared his teeth as the spotted jaguar stole closer. "You've got to wake up, Chief."

 

"I'm not sure I can," Blair admitted lost. "I don't even remember going into a trance…" Now that Jim's reassurance washed over him he regained his calm. "I never suspected it was her."

 

"I know that. It never crossed my mind either." Jim's first concern was for his lover and Incacha's words returned.

 

'The Sentinel protects the Shaman. It's his duty.'

 

Puzzled, he suddenly realized that the spotted jaguar was no longer moving. It sat quietly at a distance. "What's going on, Blair?"

 

Helplessly, Blair shrugged his shoulders, but now that the immediate threat was gone his instincts kicked in and he focused on the spotted jaguar. It almost seemed pliant now and he was tempted to get closer to it. He couldn't deny his need to understand, help or guide if necessary.

 

"It could be a trap," he warned Blair. "Don't trust her." He tightened his hold on Blair, unwilling to let him leave. "Stay here."

 

"No, Jim…" Blair cocked his head, staring into the yellow eyes. "She isn't dangerous right now."

 

"I can't believe you said that," Jim mumbled. "She killed you."

 

"Because I belong with you." Blair looked at his lover apologetically. "Don't you understand? A Sentinel needs a Guide, whether he wants one or not. I was the only one available and she thought she could trust me. When she realized that I was yours she had to try and eliminate me so she could have you instead. Sentinels aren't meant to be alone."

 

Blair winced seeing the lost look in Jim's eyes. "Don't ask me. I don’t know why I said that." It had felt like the right thing to say, had almost heard Incacha whisper it. "She still needs a Guide."

 

"But you're my Guide," Jim objected possessively and his muscles tensed as the spotted jaguar sneaked closer again, ears low, teeth bared. "She can't have you." Blair's brilliant smile took him aback.

 

"I know you love me. I know that now, but… I'm still a Guide. I can't desert her."

 

"She killed you!" It was beyond him how Blair could forgive her for that!

 

"She wouldn’t have had to kill if she had found her own Guide," Blair reminded Jim. "I really think I need to do this."

 

"Do what?" Jim's heart missed a beat.

 

"Talk to her."

 

Blair's determined tone surprised Jim. "Are you sure?"

 

"Yes," Blair stated steadfast. "But I'll need you to watch my back, Jim."

 

"You've got it. Just be careful." When Blair sounded like this, the younger man's mind was made up. Arguing was useless. He would just do his duty, protect his Shaman and trust Blair's instincts.

 

They moved together, approaching the spotted jaguar, which suddenly grew rigid. Jim stayed one step behind his lover; ready to defend Blair the moment the spotted jaguar attacked. He didn't try to figure out what it meant that Alex's spirit guide was here. As far as he was concerned the spotted jaguar was a threat.

 

Nervously, Blair licked his lips and then kneeled in front of the feline. He tried hard to control his uncertainty, knowing how tense Jim was. "Do you want to tell me something?" he asked softly, hoping his instincts were correct. The jaguar didn't move and he reached out an unsteady hand, allowing the animal to take in his scent. Blair swayed on his knees as a familiar voice washed through him.

 

//Help me.//

 

Blair shivered recognizing Alex's voice. "How?" Right now, the threatening stance was gone and the jaguar's eyes danced with chaos.

 

//Show me the way.//

 

Confused, Blair tried to make sense of the request. "What way?"

 

Jim watched them, his heart beating an odd rhythm. Blair's voice sounded far away, distant, entranced and the jaguar was now crouched at his lover's feet. He felt the change in her and wondered how Blair had known what to do.

 

//Back home.//

 

This answer completely mystified Blair. "Where's home?"

 

//I don't know! Please come and help me! I need you!//

 

The pleading tone quickly convinced him to accept the request. Looking up at Jim he asked, "Do you know where they took her?" Jim's eyes glowed dangerously and Blair cringed inwardly. "Please trust me, Jim."

 

"I trust you," Jim clarified. "I just don't trust her."

 

"Do you know where they took her?" Stern determination colored his voice and Blair knew his lover would give in.

 

"Yes, I do."

 

Relieved, Blair addressed the spotted jaguar again. "We'll try to help you." The animal's reaction was to get to its feet and turn away from them. Blair watched it leave, running off into the jungle. "She's lost, Jim."

 

"Blair," Jim sat on his heels next to his lover. "I tried to help her in the temple. She couldn't control her senses. There's nothing you can do."

 

"No, Jim. There is nothing you can do."

 

Jim hardly recognized his lover any longer. Was this the same man who went to sleep in his arms at night? The nervous anthropologist whom Alex had killed? "Chief?" Suddenly, he saw the truth in his lover's eyes. Blair was changing, had been changing since he'd died. This was the Shaman speaking.

 

"I can't turn my back on her." Blair tried to explain as the adrenaline rush left him.

 

"She's part of the tribe," Jim realized, "And the Shaman leads the tribe." Blair's eyes sparkled at hearing that remark.

 

"Yeah, that's about it."

 

"Could you wake up now, Chief? This place gives me the creeps."

 

Blair nodded his head and leaned in closer for a kiss. "Yes, I can, lover."

 

///

 

Jim sat upright in bed, searching for his lover's blue eyes in the darkness. Blair looked tired, but relaxed. "Are you going to talk to her?"

 

"I'll try. I have to," Blair explained. "But I need you to come with me. We can't have any more misunderstandings when it comes to Alex."

 

Jim nodded his agreement. "We'll visit her Sunday. Tomorrow I need to follow up on the leads of the murder."

 

"Thanks, Jim," Blair pulled his lover down into his arms. "I'll try not to go into another trance tonight. Maybe Alex is the reason why I'm having them in the first place. I got this feeling she was trying to contact me, but didn't know how to do it."

 

Jim relaxed as his lover snuggled up to him. Blair's body fit perfectly in his arms. "We'll find out," he replied in the end, feeling drained. Within seconds Blair's steady breathing took him back to sleep.

 

///

 

Amused, Simon noticed the protective gleam in Jim's eyes. He continued to watch both men and wondered what would happen if someone even tried to walk up to Blair, who seemed to greedily absorb all this attention and love. Simon couldn't help but feel proud of the way the two men were handling the chances in their lives. Things couldn't be easy, but love would pull them through. Feeling melancholy, he looked at the picture of Daryl on his desk. He missed his son.

 

"Simon?" Jim knocked on the captain's door, surprised to see the mesmerized look on Simon's face.

 

"Tell Blair to join us and come inside." Simon took a sip of his coffee. It wasn't often that he had good news for his detective.

 

Jim and Blair entered the office and waited patiently for him to speak. "We found a match," Simon announced pleased and handed Jim the file. "The hair," he clarified.

 

Blair remained quiet, wondering why Jim was growing pale looking at the file. "You know him?" he asked, trying to keep the apprehension out of his voice.

 

"Yeah, I do," Jim confirmed, staring in disbelief at the picture attached to the file. He owed it to Blair to share this information and said, "His name is Jeff Wilkens. We served together in the military. I always had a bad feeling about him. Sometimes you can't help pulling the trigger, but he enjoyed it."

 

Simon nodded his head. He'd gathered that much from the file and his knowledge of Jim's history. "You might want to read what happened after you left, Jim."

 

With a sense of dread Jim read on. "During a medical examine the doctor diagnosed schizophrenia and paranoia. Jeff spent 6 years in a mental institution while his illness grew worse. He escaped 3 months ago."

 

"And now he's in Cascade," Blair sighed the words and then addressed Simon. "What about the blood?"

 

"It's the girl's blood on the note all right." Simon sat down behind his desk. "I want this man in custody, Jim. I want him off the streets. I don’t want to find another teenager whose throat has been slashed."

 

"I understand, but finding him won’t be easy. He was the best on the team." Jim put the file back on Simon's desk. "But I'll nail him."

 

"Good, now get back to work, gentlemen!" Simon dismissed them, wondering about the secretive tone in Jim's voice. His detective hadn't told him the whole truth.

 

///

 

Blair tried not to look too openly at his lover as Jim took the truck out of the garage. "Do you have any idea where we can find him?"

 

Jim nodded his head. "He knows how I think… We watched each other's back for two years."

 

Blair swallowed hard. "You guys were friends?"

 

"Yeah," Jim groaned, realizing Blair was on to him. It was better to come clean now. "We were lovers."

 

Blair was amazed at how much that hurt. "While you were in the military?"

 

"Yeah, but it only lasted a few weeks. I realized how crazy Jeff was and got out of the relationship." He peeked at Blair's face, knowing what was going through his lover's mind. "I only love you, Chief. You should know that by now."

 

"I do…" Blair sighed, "But it's unexpected. So where are we going?" He decided not to address the matter right now as he had too many things on his mind already. Facing Alex wouldn't be easy and now they had to deal with Wilkens as well.

 

"You're going back to the loft."

 

"Excuse me?" Blair came alive, gesturing wildly. "I'm not leaving you! I need to be with you when you face him!"

 

"Chief, don't argue now!" Jim gritted his teeth. "I can't take him on while worrying about you!"

 

"What if you need me?" Blair's voice was silent all of sudden, realizing that Jim no longer needed him to focus his senses.

 

"Blair, I love you, but please…" Jim already knew his lover's mind was set, but… "Jeff obviously did his homework, learning about my work and life. He won't hesitate to use you to get to me. I don’t want you injured. Not again!"

 

"Shut up, Jim. I'm coming along and if you drop me off at the loft I'll find you!"

 

//Oh shit. Blair trying to track me down will even be worse. I need to know him safe or to have him in sight!// Jim knew when he'd lost the game and mumbled, "Just be careful and stay close." He didn't even see Blair's smug grin.

 

///

 

"The docks?" Blair muttered surprised as Jim shut down the engine. "You think he's here?"

 

Jim got out of the car, concentrating on his sense of smell, trying to sniff Wilkens out and get a location on the man's whereabouts. "He's here."

 

Blair nodded his head and inhaled the cold air deeply. "I won’t get in your way."

 

"Sure you will."

 

Briefly, Blair grew angry, almost pointing out to Jim that he'd saved the Sentinel's ass (and yes, a fine ass) when he had been trapped in the bank! But he refrained from doing that. Jim needed to focus.

 

"I can smell him." Jim piggy backed his sense of hearing and smell and honed in on Jeff's location. "This is too easy, Blair. He knows we’re here." Jeff might not be talking, but the man's too rapid breathing gave away his excitement at their arrival. "I don’t like this."

 

"A trap?"

 

"No, he's alone all right. Stay here, Blair," Jim said pleadingly. "Let me go after him."

 

Blair couldn't deny Jim a thing. "Okay, I'll stay in the truck."

 

Relieved, Jim brushed Blair's lips. "I don’t want to lose you, babe."

 

Frustrated, Blair climbed back into the truck. "I can take care of myself, Jim," he stated annoyed.//But if that's the case why is it always Jim saving my ass?// How many times had Jim saved him?

 

Jim handed him the cell phone. "Call Simon and give him our location."

 

"Why do you want to do this on your own?" Blair closed his fingers over the cell phone. "You should wait for backup."

 

"I know this guy, Blair. If he sees the cops he'll run and disappear."

 

Reluctantly, Blair gave in and watched him walk away. Should he sneak out of the truck? Would Jim forgive him? Trying to make up his mind, the minutes passed in silence.

 

///

 

Cautiously, Jim made his way through the storage facilities, which were packed to the gunnels. He smelled Wilkens and heard the ominous click of his gun. "What do you want, Jeff?" he called out, choosing the direct approach.

 

Not getting an answer he advanced slowly, using Wilkens' breathing as his honing beacon. "Why did you kill the girl? She had nothing to do with me! I didn't even know her!"

 

"I needed the blood. A virgin's blood!" A mad giggle followed.

 

Jim's finger was curled around the trigger, ready to take aim and end this. "Jeff, you killed her! I'm here to arrest you!"

 

"Jimbo! You can't arrest your old fuckbuddy! Come on! You love my ass!"

 

Jim's face contorted. "I made a mistake. We were young and we didn't know any better!" He loathed the way Wilkens talked about their time together, suddenly realizing how much he'd changed since his years in the military. "Surrender, Jeff. In a few moments this place will be crowded with cops and they won't try to talk you out of this. They'll shoot."

 

"Sweet hell awaits the sinner!" Wilkens bellowed. "But I ain't going down alone! I'm taking you with me, Ellison!"

 

//Thank God, he doesn't seem to know about Blair.// Jim cocked his head and concentrated on the truck. Blair was pacing in front of it, still staying put. "Last chance, Jeff. I'll take you down if you don't give up."

 

"Come and try to take me down. I'll send you to hell first… or want me to bring your boytoy along for the ride? Hearing him scream will be a lot of fun."

 

//Shit, he knows!// Jim decided against playing along with Wilkens and sneaked up on him. At last, his eyes located his target and he cringed. Yes, Wilkens wore a ski mask, like Blair had said.

 

"Incoming!"

 

The sharp scream took him by surprise and stunned, he realized Wilkens had just thrown a grenade at him. "Damn!" he cursed and leaped for safety. Unfortunately, the explosion catapulted him into the water. The impact rendered him unconscious.

 

///

 

Blair froze hearing the explosion. "I'm not staying here when you need me, Jim," he muttered and started running. Simon had assured him that the squad cars would arrive in mere moments and the last thing he was worried about was his own safety.

 

He needed to get to Jim, to make sure his lover was okay. He dashed inside and pushed his body against the wall, trying hard not to present an easy target. His eyes searched the storage facility and caught sight of Jim's gun, which had dropped onto the floor during the explosion. Just as he wanted to run towards it, a man in a ski mask stepped out of the shadows.

 

//Wilkens,// he realized and looked about. He didn't have any means to defend himself and Jim's gun was too far away. Wilkens was picking it up anyway.

 

Suddenly, he started to struggle for breath. Fuck, he knew this feeling. He was drowning, his lungs begged for oxygen and it catapulted him back to the fountain where he'd drowned. Why did he feel like this? He wasn't even in the water!

 

//Jim!// he suddenly realized. //Jim's drowning! The explosion must have thrown him into the water!// Desperate to move forward he found he couldn't move. His body was frozen. //Come on, move!// Frustration got the better of him and finally he succeeded in putting one foot in front of the other.

 

Unexpectedly, police sirens cut the silence in two and Wilkens fled back into the shadows. Blair knew this might be his only chance to get to Jim and started running, no longer paying any attention to Wilkens.

 

As he reached the water, he froze in his tracks as a flashback overwhelmed him. Alex had knocked him unconscious before dragging him into the fountain and while he had been struggling to regain consciousness, she'd pushed his head under water. He'd fought her, tried to suck in just a single breath, but her gun had come down on his head again and his resistance had faded.

 

And now Jim was in the cold water, probably sinking fast.//When he comes back to the surface again it'll be too late. I have to jump after him… can I?// Terrified, he no longer heard the sirens or Simon bellowing orders. "I can't let him die!" and jumped into the icy cold water.

 

///

 

"What the hell's going on here?" Simon directed his men as they moved in to apprehend Wilkens, who shot wildly at the cops, but forgot to take cover again. It only took Simon a second to make his call as an officer went down and Wilkens didn't react to their warnings. "Take him out!" he ordered determinedly.

 

Wilkens never realized that he was an easy target and looked quite astounded as one bullet after another found a way into his body. He'd always thought that he was invisible and had never seen his delusions for what they truly were.

 

Simon nodded his head as the perp went down and ordered his men to move in. However, he had another mission. He had to find a stubborn detective and his observer!

 

///

 

Blair dove deeper, ignoring the thundering of his heart or the pressure building in his lungs. He could do this! He had to find Jim and bring him back to the surface! But the water was cold and his arms and legs started to grow heavy. What he was doing was insane, but none of the other cops could reach Jim in time!

 

The dark water made it hard for him to see Jim's form, but suddenly he caught the reflection of Jim's shield, hopefully still attached to his belt and he forced himself to speed up. His lungs were about to burst and he needed air, but couldn't return to the surface now. If he did, he would never find Jim again!

 

//I don't want it to end like this!// he thought upset as the need for oxygen became too great and his teeth parted. Swallowing water, he panicked. He couldn't fail Jim, had to save his Sentinel!

 

He knew what would follow next. Oxygen deprivation would cause him to lose consciousness, but he kept on fighting and followed Jim, even succeeding in grabbing his left foot.

 

Suddenly, he realized that something was wrong. He should have passed out by now. His eyes almost popped out of their sockets as he realized that he could breathe. An image flashed in front of him and baffled he recognized Incacha who gave him an encouraging look. The experience in the bank returned to him. He'd walked into the fire and had survived. Later on the spirit plane the earth had swallowed him.

 

Had Incacha told him that he had to befriend the four elements when he had been talking about those four spirits? Damn, he couldn't think about this now, not while Jim was still in danger!

 

Incacha's reflection vanished and he concentrated on his lover's still body. Moving his fingers up Jim's leg he grabbed onto his lover's waist and started to pull him close. Jim's eyes were closed and briefly he feared that his Sentinel was no longer breathing.

 

Acting on impulse he folded his arms around him and headed for the surface. Jim needed oxygen to survive and he did the only thing he could think of. He pressed his lips against Jim's, forced his lover's teeth apart and breathed into Jim's mouth, trying to supply the necessary oxygen. Repeating the process he realized that he was about to hit the surface and he quickly turned Jim onto his back.

 

His eyes immediately searched for Simon's face and he'd never felt more relieved to see the captain. "Simon…"

 

Simon reacted at once and managed to take hold of Blair's extended hand, pulling him into safety. With Brown's help he pulled Jim and Blair onto the landing stage. "Blair, what happened?"

 

Blair kneeled, slumped forwards and regulated his breathing. His eyes searched Jim's face. "Is he breathing?

 

"Yeah, he is," Brown reassured him and studied Blair with newly found respect. "You saved his life, Sandburg."

 

"Jim? Jim, can you hear me?" Simon called the medics and made way for them to do their job. "Blair, he's going to be all right," he reassured the shivering man. He grabbed a blanket and wrapped it around Blair.

 

Blair's eyes devoured every move the medics made and coughed to clear his lungs. An oxygen mask was slipped over Jim's mouth and nose. Blair kneeled, ignoring Simon and Brown who tried to reassure him. "Come on, Jim."

 

Jim's eyes suddenly flashed open and for a moment he felt completely disorientated. What the fuck had happened? And then he remembered finding Wilkens, the grenade and hitting the water. Everything had gone black and now medics hovered over him.

 

"Blair?" Jim managed in spite of the mask and shakily he reached for his lover's hand.

 

Blair collapsed, resting his head on Jim's chest. "You're going to be fine."

 

Alarmed at finding Blair wet and shaking, Jim's eyes met Simon's. The captain's stern expression confirmed his suspicions. "You jumped after me."

 

Blair managed to sit upright and smiled. "Couldn't let you drown."

 

"Sorry, guys, but we're taking him to the ER," one of the medics announced. "And you better come along too."

 

Blair nodded his head. No way he would leave Jim's side. "Try to rest, Jim. We can talk later."

 

Losing his battle Jim closed his eyes and gave into exhaustion.

 

///

 

Simon remained close to Blair after they arrived at the hospital. After a thorough exam Blair was released and given some dry clothes. However, there was still no news on Jim. "Stop pacing, kid!" Blair was driving him insane, refusing to sit down.

 

"I can't, Simon. I need to know how he's doing."

 

Simon rose from his chair and put his hands on Blair's shoulders, forcing Blair to look up at him. "Jim will be fine. He was breathing and conscious. He recognized you. Blair, calm down."

 

Blair couldn't really remember Simon ever using that tone to address him. It was Sandburg mostly or kid… but the captain had also called him son twice. Looking into those stern eyes he slowly calmed down.

 

"Good," Simon remarked softly and told Blair to sit down. "How are you feeling?"

 

"I'm fine," Blair stated, but a sneezing fit undermined that statement. "Only a cold… I hope."

 

"You really went after him…" Simon said absentmindedly. "Not that I doubted you would," he added, seeing Blair's angry expression, "But I thought the water might scare you off… You drowned, remember?"

 

"Don't you think I panicked?" Blair pulled the blanket closer to his body. He finally started to feel warm, but the coldness of the water had permeated his bones. "I wasn't sure I could do it. I remembered how it felt, fighting for air and not getting any."

 

"But you pulled through and saved him."

 

"He's my life, Simon," Blair admitted. "If he'd died, I had died. I can't live without him."

 

Simon cleared his throat, cursing getting sentimental as well. "Do you want another blanket?"

 

"I want Jim!"

 

"Are you here for information on detective Ellison?" Doctor Trats asked and she studied the two men closely.

 

Simon nodded his head and steadied Blair as Sandburg struggled to his feet as well. "What's the news?"

 

"He'll probably suffer a cold, like our other patient here," and she smiled at Blair, having heard about this courageous young man who had gone after his partner. "I'm going to release Jim within in the hour. He has no respiratory problems and his lungs are clear. But I strongly advice rest. You can take him home."

 

"Thank you," Blair muttered and then searched the corridor. "Can I see him?"

 

"Sure, I'll walk you." The doctor showed them to the room and then left the three men.

 

"Chief," Jim felt immensely relieved that his lover seemed uninjured. "Come here." He no longer needed the oxygen mask and craved feeling Blair close. "Simon, did you get the bastard?"

 

"He's dead…" Simon supplied and amused, he leaned against the wall. He watched quietly as the two men twined their fingers and exchanged a gentle kiss. "You'll need someone to drive you home," he stated pleased. He had the perp and no one had died… this time.

 

///

 

"Jim, you want some…" -sneeze-, "hot tea too?" Blair rubbed his eyes and then reached for another Kleenex to blow his nose. Simon had left them an hour ago after making sure they had enough supplies to get through the weekend.

 

In the upstairs bedroom Jim punched his pillow into shape and sat upright. He'd fallen asleep again during their trip home and had only woken up a few minutes ago. To his delight he'd discovered that he was holding Blair in his arms, closely spooned behind his lover. "Yeah!" he replied and coughed. His throat felt like shit. This was a cold from hell!

 

Slowly, he got to his feet and added all the blankets he could find to the comforter on the bed. Blair had felt cold in his arms. He still couldn't believe what had happened. The ER doctor had told him that his partner had jumped after him, saving him from certain drowning and his heart thumped hard with love. He couldn't even begin to understand how hard it must have been on Blair to jump into the water.

 

"Here you go," Blair handed him the hot mug to warm his hands and then crawled into bed as well. "I hate," -sneeze-, "being sick."

 

"But you look so cute with that red nose!"

 

"Bastard!" Blair countered in a nasal tone and reached for another Kleenex. "This isn't how I imagined we would spend," -sneeze-, "the day." Jim raised his arm and Blair moved in closer, resting his head on his lover's shoulder. "Tea okay?"

 

"It's hot, so it's great." Jim breathed in deeply, inhaling Blair's scent. "Thank you."

 

"Uh huh?" Blair whispered after sipping from his tea. As the hot liquid moved through his throat he started to feel a little better. "My, this is cozy."

 

"Thank you for saving my life, Blair."

 

"Had to repay the favor," Blair quipped. "I'm your 'Blessed Protector', remember?"

 

"I mean it," Jim took away Blair's tea mug and put it onto the floor. "I want to hold you. To thank you."

 

Blair snuggled up to him, teasingly blowing over the hairs on Jim's arm. He clearly noticed his lover shiver and grinned. "I had to do it, Jim. I love you."

 

Jim manoeuvred them in to a sleeping position, pulling Blair down with him. Spooning behind his lover he tightly wrapped his arms around Blair. "Think you can sleep, Shaman of the Great City?"

 

Blair giggled, but a coughing fit quickly followed. His body didn't approve of the stunt he'd pulled today. "Oh yeah, Sentinel of the Great City."

 

"Go to sleep, Darwin." Jim affectionately massaged his lover's scalp, running fingers through still damp curls. "We'll feel better in the morning."

 

"Go to sleep, Kojack…" Blair mumbled, already dozing off, grinding his ass into his lover's groin and loving the feel of that hard body pressed into his.

 

///

 

No ordinary love  
Part 5/5

 

"Feeling any better?" Blair inquired as Jim drowned another cup of the herbal tea, which he'd just prepared. A night of undisturbed sleep had greatly improved their condition and although they still suffered from a cold, they were able to move around and think coherently.

 

"Yeah, thanks, babe. That tea does wonders. Just don't tell me what weird stuff you put into it." Jim was still rather worried about his lover, who looked too pale and moved too slowly. He was used to Blair's buzzing energy and it took time to adjust to this much quieter man.

 

"You really think you're up to seeing Alex?" Jim didn't like his lover's plan to drive to the clinic today. "You know, her physician mentioned that she's rarely lucid. Most of the time she's sedated." He cringed, knowing very well the amount of pain sensory overload caused.

 

"I'm sure and yes, she'll recognize me."

 

"Blair…babe," Jim reached across the table and gathered his lover's clammy hands in his. "I don't think you're up to that trip yet."

 

"Let me be the judge of that, Jim." Blair pulled back his hand and curled it around his teacup. "I have to do this. You know that."

 

"All I saw was a spotted Jaguar that attacked you! Dammit, Blair! I don't want her to have another shot at killing you!" he revealed passionately. "Now that I have you, I'll never let go!"

 

Blair smiled hearing that statement. "I'm not going anywhere without you, Jim," he promised and then got up from his chair. "I'm going to hit the shower, get dressed and then we'll leave. Better get this over with." He hated having this argument, but he couldn't turn his back on her. "What if it had been you?" Blair tried again. "Suppose I was her Guide and you had lost your way. Wouldn't you want me to help you?"

 

"It's not working, Chief," Jim stated as he headed for the upstairs bedroom to get dressed. "I didn't kill you."

 

"You stubborn…" Blair didn't finish the remark. Jim wouldn’t understand. Their point of view was too different. Slowly, he went into the bathroom and started the shower. It would take them 3 hours to get to the clinic and he wasn't looking forward to spending all that time in the car while Jim was angry with him.

 

///

 

One hour later they were on their way to the clinic where Alex had been taken. Blair remembered the resigned tone of the doctor who was treating her. They'd only spoken briefly on the phone and the physician had mentioned that she didn't think Alex would ever recover.

 

"Blair? I'm sorry," Jim started softly. "But I still don't get it. How can you forgive her for killing you? How can you even consider helping her? Yeah, I know, she's part of the tribe, a Sentinel, but one who murdered you!"

 

"Jim," he sighed at a loss. Hopefully his lover would understand once Jim saw how much she needed the help. "I need to do this. I need to help her."

 

Jim fell silent, concentrating on the road. "Don't think I'll leave you alone with her. The doctor did say that she gets violent when she's lucid."

 

"It's the sensory overload. Unlike you, she never learned to deal with it," Blair pointed out to him in a fatigued tone. "She never had a Guide." Blair realized that they would spend the rest of the trip in silence, both of them trying to sort out their thoughts, emotions and reasons for making this trip.

 

///

 

"Mr. Sandburg? We talked on the phone."

 

Blair accepted the offered hand and shook it. "I'm Blair and this is my partner Jim Ellison." He studied Alex's physician, an elderly woman with black hair and blue, rather compassionate eyes. "And you must be Doctor Langston."

 

"Please call me Phyllis." She guided them through the corridors and gestured them to enter her office. "We should talk first."

 

Jim, who had been quiet so far, reluctantly remained standing behind Blair. His lover sat down and Jim rested a possessive hand on Blair's shoulder. He didn't want to admit that this upset him. He smelled Alex's scent, heard the beating of her too slow heart and felt like betraying Blair all over again.

 

"How is she?" Blair asked, quietly taking in the doctor's concerned expression.

 

"She's dying."

 

Blair locked eyes with Jim, pleading him to give this a chance.

 

Jim however, broke the stare and addressed Doctor Langston. "Dying?"

 

"Yes, her system is shutting down. Her organs are failing and she's drifting in and out of consciousness."

 

"You're sure?" Jim didn't really know what to think and eventually he gave in. "Can we see her?"

 

"Yes, but don't expect her to react and don't stay too long." She rose from her chair and opened the door. "I'll take you to her room."

 

Blair remained a few steps behind them, trying to center himself. Incacha once mentioned that his last trial would be the hardest. The most difficult thing he could imagine was stepping into Alex's room and being the Guide she needed.

 

///

 

Involuntarily, Jim halted in the doorway and that caused Blair to bump into him.

 

"Jim?" Blair managed to squirm in to the room and then looked from Sentinel to Sentinel. Alex's eyes were closed; her breathing was too slow and her form powerless. She'd grown small and brittle. He couldn't even imagine the way this had to affect Jim. "Why don't you wait outside, Jim?"

 

"No." Determinedly, Jim shook his head. "I'm not leaving you alone with her." She might look harmless, but appearances could deceive. No way he would risk his lover's life!

 

"You have 15 minutes," Langston told them, still wondering why these two men had requested to see her patient and then left them alone.

 

Blair didn't waste any time and moved closer to the bed. IV's were attached to her left hand and she was hooked up to several pieces of diagnostic equipment. Yes, Langston was right. He felt it. She was dying. Was that why she'd called him?

 

"Alex?" Apprehensively, Blair sat on the side of the bed, unwilling to touch her skin. "Can you hear me?"

 

"She can't," Jim answered instead. "Her senses… they're turned off."

 

"How do you know that?" Blair looked over his shoulder at his lover.

 

"I just do, Chief."

 

Blair realized that drastic measures were necessary. He hated taking hold of her hand, the hand that had forced his head under water and that had denied him much needed oxygen, but he bit back the pain and hurt. Her icy cold skin made him shiver.

 

Jim watched with concern. Coming here had been a mistake. He should have stopped this crazy idea the moment Blair had mentioned it! "Chief, let's go." When he didn't get an answer he took a step closer to his lover and captured the empty stare in Blair's eyes. "Damn, don't go into a trance, babe!" As he spoke the words, he knew it was too late. Briefly, he didn't know what to do. Blair's fingers were still tightly clasped around Alex's hand and pulling him away might not be the best thing to do. Jim protectively wrapped an arm around his lover; ready to follow Blair to the spirit plane the moment the younger man showed any signs of distress.

 

///

 

It was the first time ever he'd willingly gone into a trance and an adrenaline rush washed through Blair as his mind traveled to the spirit plane. He missed Jim's presence, but knew that he had to do this alone, much like Jim had gone to the temple on his own to face Alex. This was his last trial, the most important test.

 

Looking about he found himself in the jungle. It was night, but thankfully the full moon provided all the light he needed. He didn't have to look down his body to realize he was back to wearing body paint and loincloth.

 

"You came. You really came."

 

Blair resisted the urge to spin around, as Alex's voice startled him. Slowly and composed he finally faced her and forgot to breathe. She looked exactly like when she'd come to his office to end his life. A startling flashback made him tremble; realizing she could physically hurt him here as well. Maybe coming here alone had been a dumb thing to do. "What do you want, Alex?"

 

She walked towards him, moving predatorily and soundlessly. Her senses were back online and she heard the thundering of his heart. The realization that he was afraid would have thrilled her a few days ago, but… "I'm not here to hurt you."

 

"Could have fooled me," Blair choked out and stepped back as she continued to approach. "Don’t come any closer." He avoided looking her in the eyes, still remembering those hands keeping him down as he'd struggled for breath. "What do you want from me, Alex?" he repeated in a slightly firmer tone. He couldn't allow his fear to control him.

 

Alex halted in her tracks, suddenly realizing that he tried to maintain the distance between them. Finally, she opted for the truth. "I don't really know, Blair," she admitted and peeked at his clouded eyes. "But I need to talk to you before… I can die."

 

Blair cringed. "You know what's happening to you?"

 

"When I'm here," and she gestured at the jungle, "my senses tell me what's going on with my body. I know I'm dying," she stated calmly.

 

Blair felt a little more confident now that she stayed at a distance. "I'm sorry…"

 

"Sorry?" she interrupted him. "You? Why?" An apology was the last thing she expected to hear.

 

"I should have guided you… should have helped you control your senses… After all, I seem to be the only Guide around." Blair felt miserably, feeling like he'd failed her. Anger suddenly flared, reminding him that she'd killed him only a few days ago.

 

"I wish I had found you earlier," she admitted softly. She needed closure, needed to make peace before she could die. "I was honest when I told you that I didn't want to kill you, but… you chose Jim."

 

This certainly got Blair's attention and his eyes flashed. "Jim and I belong together. I wish you had found a Guide to stay with you, guide you. I could never have been that Guide."

 

Looking at him thoughtfully she took a step closer and felt encouraged, as he didn't back away from her. She'd kissed him once, just a little kiss on the cheek, but… "I know that now, but I had to try."

 

"You tried to kill Jim," he reminded her.

 

"Wanted him out of the way."

 

Blair was at a loss. "What the hell are you talking about? Start making sense!"

 

"I sensed that Jim was still alive when I arrived at Rainier. I didn't plan on killing you. I hoped that… that we could be together after Jim had died, but I was wrong. Jim survived and when I stepped into your office I saw that look in your eyes. I disgusted you, abusing my senses like that. You had made your choice and it hurt."

 

Blair leaned against the trunk of a tree as she stole closer. He so didn't want to hear this!

 

"At first, you were fascinated with me… a second Sentinel… don’t deny it," Alex whispered softly. "But I should have known better. I knew what was going on when you showed up with Jim tagging along to question me."

 

"Alex, this is insane! I don't believe you." Blair straightened his shoulders and stared into her eyes. "You wanted Jim, wanted to mate. It's a primal urge in all Sentinels."

 

Alex shrugged her shoulders, realizing he would never believe her. She had to step away from this subject now. "I need to find my way home."

 

"Where's home?" He'd asked that question before and he feared the answer. What if home was Cascade and Jim Ellison?

 

"The spirit plane… it keeps calling me, Blair… like it wants me to become a permanent part of it. Sometimes I change into a Jaguar and I run for hours."

 

He couldn't ignore the pleading expression in her eyes. "I don't know how to help you, Alex."

 

"But you're the Guide!" Upset, she started to pace. "My body is dying and I want to stay here."

 

Blair forced himself to calm down and think rationally. "Maybe you need to let go."

 

"Let go?"

 

"Let go of the hate, the pain and the fear. Everything that binds Alex Barnes to life. Maybe then your spirit guide can show you the way." Blair felt helpless, wishing Incacha were here to guide him!

 

"Is it that simple?" Alex turned around and locked eyes with him. "I shouldn’t have killed you."

 

"But you did."

 

"Do you hate me?" She hesitated to ask that particular question, but had to know. "Do you?"

 

"No," he replied after a moment's thought. "I pity you."

 

Alex reeled from that blow. "Pity?"

 

"You could have been an excellent Sentinel, but…"

 

Alex thought deeply. "I made too many mistakes." Suddenly, she realized that she was letting go, feeling lighter and warmer. The cold left. "How does it feel? Dying?" Her voice trembled, speaking those words.

 

Blair didn't really know what to say. "I didn't feel anything until Jim brought me back."

 

Alex realized how foolish it had been to think that she could break the bond between the two men. Even though Jim wasn't here, she sensed his presence underneath Blair's scent.

 

"I…" her voice trailed off as a bright burst of light blinded her.

 

"Incacha," Blair mumbled relieved. "Thanks. I need help, man." Incacha's pleased smile surprised him.

 

"I'm not here for you, Inqucha." As he walked towards Alex, Incacha extended his hand. "I'll guide you in your next life."

 

Alex didn't know why she placed her hand in the stranger's or why she fell into step beside him. But she did know that this felt right. "And you are?"

 

"Incacha… your Guide… but I died before finding you."

 

Blair's pulse raced and his head reeled. "You're her Guide? No way, man!"

 

Incacha simply reacted with a smile. "You did well. Return to your Sentinel now that I've finally found mine."

 

Blair could only stare as the light drew Alex in, absorbing her form. A second later, he was alone again and something tugged at his mind, pulling him back… Fatigued, he gave in.

 

///

 

Jim pulled his lover into his arms, quickly carrying him away from Alex's bed. The monitor beeped, indicating she'd gone into cardiac arrest. Doctor Langston and several nurses entered the room and he quickly left, taking Blair with him.

 

"Jim?" Feeling tired to the bone Blair tried to search Jim's eyes. "What happened, man?"

 

"Cardiac arrest," Jim informed Blair. "They're still working on her, but I don't hear a heartbeat." He felt like a hypocrite, knowing Blair wanted to help her, but he knew no one could save Alex Barnes. "You tried, Chief."

 

Blair blinked his eyes. Could he tell Jim what had happened? Should he tell Jim about Alex and Incacha? Could he? Not right now. He allowed Jim to sit him down and then nestled into his lover's arms. "Can you hear…?"

 

"No heartbeat, Chief."

 

"Don't you want to bring her back? Like you did with me?" he couldn't help but ask. "She's a Sentinel."

 

"Somehow that feels wrong, Chief. I brought you back because I love you and… I still think it wasn't your time. It's her time now, Blair. Let her go."

 

"So wise…" Blair mumbled and smiled against his lover's chest.

 

///

 

"Blair?" Doctor Langston felt tired, but she needed to inform Alex's last and only visitors. "Alex died 5 minutes ago."

 

Blair opened his eyes and nodded slowly. "I hope you don't mind… but I want to leave…"

 

She understood. Losing someone you cared about was never easy and she'd thought she had seen compassion in this young man's eyes. "You should rest. You look exhausted."

 

"Just a cold." Blair looked up at Jim. "Let's go home. We're no longer needed."

 

Jim steadied him as they walked back to the parking lot. Blair's breathing was labored and he started to cough again. "I should have stopped you from coming here. You should be in bed, resting!"

 

Blair tried to smile, but it turned into a grimace. "You're still suffering from that cold too," he stated and slipped onto his car seat. "Here," he handed Jim a Kleenex to blow his nose after his lover impatiently endured a fierce sneezing fit. "Both of us need sleep."

 

"You're right, Chief," Jim admitted and slid behind the wheel. "You better get enough rest tonight or you won't be able to teach class tomorrow."

 

"Shit… tomorrow is Monday! Great!" he winced and decided to try to get as much sleep as possible during their trip back to the loft. He was just about to close his eyes, when Jim's question stopped him from dozing off yet.

 

"Did you… settle things between the two of you?" Jim didn't know how else to phrase it.

 

"Yes, we did. We resolved things. And don't worry about her attacking me on the spirit plane. We worked things out."

 

Jim sighed relieved. "That's good enough for me, Chief."

 

///

 

Two months later

 

Blair stepped into the shower cabin and tried to reach a decision. During these last two months Jim and he had worked on strengthening their relationship and still hadn't killed each other. //Must be a good sign.// At least he thought so. After Alex had died they'd grown even closer and had managed to break down most barriers between them. A few had remained.

 

Jim still had trouble discussing his family and his past. Blair quickly learned not to push Jim into working on forgiving his father for the things that had happened in the past. He'd even tried to explain to Jim how lucky he was to have a father! His own pain had flared when he'd reminded Jim to settle things now that William Ellison was still alive. He hoped Jim would be able to talk things through with his dad in the end.

 

But something else bothered Blair as well. They still hadn't taken that last step… sexually. Yes, Jim had given him a few blowjobs, but he was still a virgin and damn, it was time to rectify that!

 

These last few nights he'd dreamed about finally making love with Jim. But he couldn't help feeling nervous. Yes, he had done a lot of reading, had even checked out some vids while Jim had been at work, but actually doing 'the deed' still caused him to panic.

 

Taking a deep breath he reached a decision. "Jim?" he whispered, knowing his lover's Sentinel hearing picked up on his voice. Jim didn't disappoint him. The door opened and Jim peeked inside.

 

"What's wrong, Chief?" Jim forced himself not to enter the bathroom, knowing he could cave in and surrender to the temptation to join Blair in the shower. Although the bathroom was already filled with steam, he could clearly make out his lover's form behind the shower curtain. His lover was naked and Jim closed his eyes in longing, trying to picture the droplets teasing down Blair's body. Oh, he would gladly give up his enhanced senses to be one of those droplets!

 

Blair fidgeted with the shampoo bottle. He wanted to do this and wouldn't allow himself to chicken out. "Want to wash my hair, Jim?" His heart thundered, desperately hoping Jim would understand what he was really offering.

 

"Are you sure, babe?" Jim's heart missed a beat, wondering if this meant that his lover was ready to take this final step.

 

"I'm sure. Lose the clothes and hop in, man… water is warm." Blair smiled weakly, trying hard to control his nervousness.

 

It only took Jim a few seconds to step out of his jeans. He threw his shirt on to the floor and slid passed the shower curtain. "Blair…" he whispered stunned. Yes, he'd seen his lover naked before, but the water droplets gently caressed the smooth flesh and Jim was hard within a heartbeat.

 

He indulged himself and studied Blair. He was lean and agile, muscular legs from playing baseball and he had delicious thighs, which screamed for his touch. Jim ran his fingers over the hairy chest, moving them down until they tangled in his lover's pubic hair. A long, thick cock stood erect, betraying Blair's arousal. Damn, the man was a vision!

 

Blair turned around and handed Jim the shampoo bottle. Jim almost dropped it accidentally, too occupied with admiring Blair's gorgeous ass. His right hand trailed down Blair's buttocks, squeezing it appreciately.

 

Jim's hot breath caressed the back of his neck and Blair leaned into the touch as Jim massaged a handful of shampoo into his hair. "That feels great," Blair whispered, surrendering to the touch. Jim's hard shaft pressed against his ass and he bit his lip, trying not to whimper.

 

Reading Blair's apparent need Jim decided to take the lead for now. "What do you want to do, babe?" He kept up the gentle massage and then rinsed the hair and applied the conditioner.

 

"I want to make love with you, Jim." Relieved that he'd managed to speak the words without stuttering, he peeked over his shoulder. "Do you still want me?" For one terrible moment fear clasped his heart as Jim remained quiet. Had he screwed up?

 

"I want you to make love to me, Blair." Jim watched his lover very closely and wasn't surprised to see the puzzled expression. Taking pity on Blair he clarified, "I want you to take me, Blair." His lover's choked cough startled him. "Babe?"

 

"Jim, I've never done this before… wouldn't it be better if you… took me?" Blair stuttered, trying to remain calm. He couldn't even picture taking Jim! The very thought stunned him. He'd never thought Jim would want him to top!

 

Jim wrapped both arms around his lover, pulling him close and showered the back of Blair's neck with kisses. "It thrills me to know that I'll be your first, babe. I want you to take me. I want you to experience that, want you to know how it feels to bury yourself inside a warm body… Don't worry, sweetheart… I'll take you… in time when you're no longer so nervous."

 

"We'll take turns?" Still surprised by this revelation Blair turned around in his lover's arms, resting his head on Jim's chest. "It's funny…"

 

"What's funny?" His lips brushed Blair's, tracing the inside with his tongue.

 

"Always assumed you would want to top…" Blair grinned and his fingers curled around his lover's erection, which was already slick with pre- ejaculate. "You love being in control, man."

 

Jim carefully chose his words. "I'll always love to top, but with you it's different… I want you inside." It was the truth. He wanted to get as close as he could to Blair, wanted to feel the connection, wanted to give this to his inexperienced lover.

 

"Thanks," Blair whispered and locked eyes with Jim. "I love you, Jim."

 

Jim smiled. "I want to go down on you, babe."

 

Blair quivered and didn't resist as Jim pushed him against the wall. "Just hearing you say that makes me want to come."

 

Jim kissed him hard and then worked his way down to Blair's chest, nipples and finally he tasted his lover's arousal as he licked Blair's slick cock.

 

Blair yelped softly and grabbed Jim's shoulders to steady himself. Looking down at his lover his eyes grew big. "Jim," he whispered and then tensed as warm soft lips closed over his erection.

 

Jim used his right hand to slowly pump his lover's cock. His tongue slid down Blair's length and as he reached the head, he sucked hard.

 

"Jim!" Blair shook fiercely, trying hard not to thrust into Jim's mouth. "What are you…" he never finished the question, as Jim took him even deeper, sucking, teasing. Unexpectedly, a finger slick with salvia teased against his entrance.

 

Carefully, Jim pushed his finger passed the ring of muscle. His finger glided easily inside and then started to stroke in a slow rhythm.

 

Blair gasped, fighting for breath and whimpered as a second finger claimed him. "Jim," he whispered, "I'm about to come."

 

"Let go, babe," Jim adviced as he briefly came up for breath. "That way you'll last longer when you fuck me…" He'd used the word on purpose, wondering if Blair liked to talk dirty.

 

"Fuck you?" Blair breathed the words and arched his back as Jim's fingers brushed his prostate.

 

Jim grinned smugly, feeling the building orgasm in Blair's body. His lover thrust hard into his mouth and Jim knew Blair was about to come.

 

Blair couldn't hold back any longer and let go. Jim sucking hard drove him over the edge. The force of his orgasm stunned him and Blair held onto Jim as he came hard in his lover's mouth.

 

Jim swallowed it all. They'd both been tested and they'd agreed on not using protection, confident they would be together for the rest of their lives. He grabbed Blair's ass and steadied his lover, who panted hard.

 

Blair couldn't think rationally, but finally he managed to lock eyes with Jim, who rose to his feet, burying him in a warm embrace. "That was…" Words failed him and he kissed Jim instead, eager to taste himself on his lover's tongue.

 

"Let's move this to the bedroom, babe." Jim turned off the shower, wrapped Blair in a warm towel and dried his lover's hair. "Why don't you already get comfortable in bed? I'll join you in a few minutes."

 

Blair could only nod his head, as tiny tremors still rocked his body. Feeling warm and loved he whispered, "Don't take too long, Jim," and then headed for the bedroom. He wanted to lie down before his knees gave out on him.

 

Jim quickly dried his skin and then uncovered the lube from the small cupboard. He would prepare himself for Blair, knowing his lover was nervous and had never done this before.

 

He coated his index finger with lube and smiled wickedly. Soon, very soon he would prepare Blair in this way when it was his time to claim his younger lover. The lube felt cold. As his finger pushed inside, he regulated his breathing. It had been too damn long since he'd done this! This was the first time that he wanted to be on the receiving end and he could barely wait to feel Blair push inside, so they could finally consummate their love.

 

After applying more lube he added another finger and he easily took them. He continued to stretch himself and as he relaxed he slipped three fingers inside. Briefly, he felt a stab of pain, but it faded quickly when his index finger brushed his prostate. "Ready…" After withdrawing his fingers he wiped off the excess lube and then ascended the stairs to his bedroom.

 

///

 

//Okay, I know what to do… I've read the books, checked out the gay kama sutra and…// Blair stared at the ceiling, suddenly wishing Jim wanted to top. What if he couldn't pull this off? What if he disappointed Jim? What if…?

 

His right hand stole down to his groin. He was erect again. The mere thought of being inside Jim Ellison made him ache with need. //He wants me to take him? How? What position? I read about stretching, but…//

 

All thoughts stopped as Jim stepped into the bedroom, naked and visibly aroused again. "Let me…" Blair said nervously. He completely forgot that Jim hadn't come earlier!

 

Jim crawled onto the bed on all fours and straddled his lover's hips. "Ssht… Don't be nervous."

 

"That's easy for you to say!" Blair objected and ran his fingernails over Jim's erect nipples. "I don't know what to do…"

 

"Want me to tell you the rest of my fantasy?" Jim realized he didn't have the patience to make this last. He wanted Blair to take him hard and fast… but Blair wasn't ready for that yet.

 

"Sure," Blair choked out, running admiring hands over his lover's muscular body. "Tell me."

 

"On my back," Jim said, hoping Blair would understand.

 

Blair licked his lips, suddenly realizing that Jim was trying to guide him through this. He locked his arms around Jim's frame and rolled him onto his back, suddenly ending up straddling Jim's hips in turn. He slowly stroked his lover's cock. "What comes next?"

 

"You run your tongue over my chest," Jim whispered, relishing the mischievous expression in Blair's eyes. A hot tongue teased his hard nipples and he bucked hard. He pulled his knees to his chest, exposing himself to his lover. "And then you touch me…"

 

Blair swallowed hard. "Jim." He couldn't believe that Jim wanted this. His fingers returned to massage his lover's sac and pumped Jim's cock. "Shouldn't I like…stretch you? I don't want to hurt you." Excitement coursed through him. Jim's willingness to let him do this took his breath away. He couldn't deny that he wanted to take Jim, wanted to bury himself in his lover's body.

 

"I already did that," Jim said softly and took hold of Blair's right hand, placing it against his entrance. "Make me yours, Blair. You once told me that you belong to me, but the truth is that you own me as well."

 

Blair still tried to process Jim's first admission. "You prepared yourself?"

 

"Yes, babe. Want you inside. Need you inside… It's my fantasy… take me, Blair."

 

Blair could no longer resist and pushed a finger into the hot passage. "You feel slick."

 

"Lube," Jim explained patiently and pushed back against the finger. "Want you inside, babe!"

 

The need in Jim's voice urged him to finally act and he removed his finger. "You want me that bad?"

 

"Yes," he groaned. "And I want you now."

 

Trembling, Blair positioned himself and started to push into his lover's body, which craved release. "Am I hurting you?" he asked concerned, but Jim pushed back hard, taking him in deeper.

 

"Just make love to me, Blair…" Jim whimpered lost. He'd never allowed another man to take him. Blair was his first and he couldn't believe how intense this felt. Blair was inside him, taking him and as his lover thrust slowly, Blair slid into him, sheathed to the hilt. "Mine, you're mine, Sandburg," he growled passionately.

 

Blair stopped thinking and instinct took over. Leaning in closer, he roughly claimed Jim's lips, parting his teeth and slipping inside. His thrusts grew deeper, harder, and more aggressive as he wanted to crawl inside Jim, being one at last.

 

Jim simply surrendered to the rough kiss and met each of Blair's thrusts with one of his own. "Mine… you're mine," he repeated. Part of him couldn't believe Blair was moving inside him, finally claiming him. Suddenly, Blair's hand returned to stroke his cock and Jim screamed his passion as he came in his lover's hand.

 

Jim's muscle clenched his cock and the sensation pushed Blair over the edge. He stopped moving, as he released his come deep inside his lover's body.

 

Jim blinked his eyes and realized that Blair was about to collapse. Quickly, he folded his arms around his lover's shaking body and held him close.

 

Blair clung to him and carefully pulled back. His soft sex slipped out of his lover's body and he settled down in Jim's arms, collapsing on his stomach. "Thank you, Jim."

 

Jim didn't react verbally, just kissed Blair's lips and smiled.

 

"Maybe we should head back for another shower? Or we'll be stuck," Blair whispered and fondly ran his fingertips in circles over the muscular chest. "Or do you want to stay here like this?"

 

"Want to stay here forever, babe." Jim pressed a single kiss on his lover's brow. "And we're back to being mushy."

 

"As the Sentinel of the Great city once said, mushy is good," Blair giggled blissfully.

 

Jim looked into sparkling blue eyes and vowed to always treasure this love.

 

The end


End file.
